About 15 million adults have ADHD, and they and their partners often experience significant relationship difficulties as a result. The characteristics of ADHD - chronic distraction; poor planning; time management issues; short-term memory issues and more - can make staying happy when you have family and marital responsibilities a challenge. Partner responses to ADHD symptoms also contribute significant stress. However, adult ADHD is manageable by most, and couples that are well educated about how to manage the impact of ADHD can thrive together. Here are my suggestions for books that will help you understand your partnership better, and learn more. And, yes, the first two are my own, as they focus specifically on ADHD and committed partnerships (if you haven't read them yet, you should!) And, one of the best resources of all is my 8 week couples seminar. It has helped many, many couples...and during the course I will answer all of your questions. More information is available here.
- The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Melissa Orlov – award-winning overview of the issue and what to do about it
- The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD, Melissa Orlov & Nancie Kohlenberger – another award winner with immediately useable advice
- Driven to Distraction, Edward Hallowell & John Ratey – the classic book about ADHD
- ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life, Judith Kohlberg & Kathleen Nadeau – very helpful when trying to get out of the ‘chore wars’
- Taking Charge of Adult ADHD, Russell Barkley – an engaging and slightly different approach to managing ADHD
- The Dance of Anger, Harriet Lerner – particularly critical for women experiencing chronic anger in response to ADHD symptoms in a partner
- Come as You Are, Emily Nagoski – fabulous book for women looking to feel increased sexual desire. One of my favorites!
- ADHD - What Everyone Needs to Know - for those who are just starting to learn about ADHD, this book provides answers a lot of questions. Mixes adult and kid references.
- Codependent No More, Melody Beattie – the classic on how to be more independent of each other
- I Love You But I Don't Trust You, Mira Kirschenbaum – for those recovering from affairs, addictions and more
- (bonus!) Free download about treating adult ADHD, which can be found here.
- MelissaOrlov's blog
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Comments
This site is amazing!
I'm married to the world's poster-child for ADHD. He and I have walked some dark and painful days during our 26 years of marriage. The challenges to hold it all together have been incredibly difficult. I'm really grateful for the work of folks like you who don't ignore or sweep the issues of living with ADHD under the rug. Tackling the struggles head-on gives me hope. I blogged today about the seriousness of all that goes with living with an ADHD husband. It was painful. Sometimes (for 26 long years), hiding what it does to your life, family and finances feels like the only way to look normal on the outside. I really spoke my heart and I feel much better just getting it out there. I could've written so many horrible stories about our struggles but I didn't need to. God has blessed us and I want to give hope to other's who are feeling helpless in their marriages. Thanks for what you do! It's so important!