Recent Comments

  • What if leaving isn't the answer? I just want change
    by: Off the roller ... - 1 month 1 week ago
    Thank you to everyone, it feels so scary and sometimes we have to sit in the scary ans sometimes we have to move. But for me, we haven't been to couselling or ANYTHING. literally. We've done nothing to fill our relationship bank and its about broaching the subject of what to do. Or at least being brave enough to state where I am right now. That's really scary for me. 
    >>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough

  • Have a strategy
    by: adhd32 - 1 month 1 week ago
    Will It Get Better is correct.  Plan ahead.  Get your ducks in a row.  Find out the laws and what you are entitled to.  Know what child custody and visitation you want before the big blow up because negotiating will be impossible once you say it out loud.  Preparing and educating yourself is your best move. A good offense is the best defense.
    >>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough

  • Victims
    by: Swedish coast - 1 month 1 week ago
    I hold no judgment about being a victim, in a way I really think we are victims when we live with a person who cannot consciously choose their way in life but are led by their neurodivergence. It forces us to make decisions in order to avoid disaster instead of building the life we want. It's a major disfigurement of your life and mine and we can't help it. I agree with Will It Get Better, take precautions. Talk to a lawyer. Brace yourself. Perhaps look for a friend to stay with for a little while if you...
    >>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough

  • Speak to an attorney to review your options.
    by: Will It Get Better - 1 month 1 week ago
    Before anything else, consult with an attorney to review your options and develop a prospective plan.  You have to expect the 'notice' will begin an explosive period.  Prepare in advance for that possibility.
    >>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough

  • Thank you
    by: Off the roller ... - 1 month 1 week ago
    Thank you for writing this. I'm in a dark place at the moment - thr hopelessness part of thr dark space to be exact.and I appreciate your vulnerability and your thoughts. It's so so tough, isn't it?? 
    >>> on Forum topic - Today's thoughts

  • So tough
    by: Off the roller ... - 1 month 1 week ago
    This is so painful it hurts Swedish. I'm exhasted and just sick and tired of being sick and tired...because of him. But im not a victim and I know that. But this is really really hard. 
    >>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough

  • I feel for you
    by: Swedish coast - 1 month 1 week ago
    There's no good time for telling quits I think. There's always a holiday or a celebration that needs to be the first after such a decision. Which means whenever you decide, it's time. My doctor recommended divorce, which was why I decided to take the plunge. It was good to have a professional contact, if only briefly, at that time. I was advised to not hide the news from children once divorce was decided, but let them know at once. How to go about a thing like this will be best decided by yourself. My...
    >>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough

  • What I've done
    by: Off the roller ... - 1 month 1 week ago
    So not sure what country you are in (as I am not in America) but I wanted to share what has helped me as we have started thid journey:  Keeping in mind we don't have a teenager.  There is a main government ADHD website here that does online parent support groups. I find them so helpful.  I've also joined some communities (online) for depression and loving and living with someone with depression. They have covered when ur kids have depression too and adhd. They've been a godsend.  I have found some...
    >>> on Forum topic - Support group for parents?

  • Yes I would guess so
    by: Swedish coast - 1 month 1 week ago
    ADD (severe, with anxiety and depression) in my partner has made me hyper vigilant, afraid of friends I used to love, anxious about social gatherings, anxious that my children will receive too little of just about everything good I want for them, anxious that nobody likes me anymore. It's extinguished my former career, damaged relations to my family of origin, severed contact with a wider social network, and most of his family. I've been anxious about every weekend, every celebration. I had a brief period...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD Anxiety families

  • I wanted to chime in!  I've
    by: AG - 1 month 1 week ago
    I wanted to chime in!  I've heard that same episode and yes! It's very interesting his take on it. Generations and culture- we live what we know.   I think he's 90 years old or something?   I wanted to say I value my health, like #1- my most important thing in life.   Physical and mental. (Not so much spiritual or other)  I also believe they are very tied together.  I have definitely suffered physical ailments from mental anguish/ stress.  (Hip stress fracture, shoulder pain, knots and pain in my upper...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD and inflammation

  • Thank you Off the Roller
    by: Swedish coast - 1 month 1 week ago
    Listened to the podcast you recommended just now. It's certainly food for thought. Finding out how to live now is quite a challenge. How does one manage a high-stress work environment, irregular hours, intense child weeks and empty childless weeks, even when there are no complications like grief, self-doubt, bad timing, illness, and the rest? Having worked a week but still not feeling well after 5 weeks of infection, I question if I can go on like this or need major life changes. On the other hand, even...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD and inflammation

  • came here to tell you this Swedish
    by: Off the roller ... - 1 month 1 week ago
    Hey Swedish, I fully believe the same as you. Here's the thing, I recently listened to the Mel Robbin's podcast with Gabor Mate - HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU LISTEN TODAY EVEN - it's titled: Dr. Gabor Maté: The Shocking Link Between ADHD, Addiction, Autoimmune Diseases, & Trauma - you can watch on YT or listen on podcast. It will BLOW YOU AWAY and validate what you are thinking. Now, perhaps I am making a direct correlation but with my DX spouse, who has a massive history of immune deficiencies, you have to...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD and inflammation

  • Part of this is logistical...
    by: J - 1 month 1 week ago
    Moving to a different state with no friends and unfamiliar territory and things to do makes it difficult to be separate except during work hours. I'm activity trying to remedy that as well. Going back to my old standard retreat and sanctuary.... skiing and the mountains. It's never failed before. She doesn't ski so I'll be going solo which is fine with me.
    >>> on Forum topic - Understanding how OCD, Anxiety RSD and Emotional Lability work

  • Attraction
    by: Swedish coast - 1 month 1 week ago
    To me, a person I feel strongly attracted to still needs to give me a chance to long for them, not perpetually chase after me which I dislike. So I think you're right.  
    >>> on Forum topic - Understanding how OCD, Anxiety RSD and Emotional Lability work

  • Attraction Swedish
    by: J - 1 month 1 week ago
    I believe this is exactly right. And I don't have to go any further than myself to understand this. I don't care how beautiful or physically appealing a woman is, if they've got something about them ( bad attitude ) or what ever else about their behavior or personality that makes them unattractive to me, I wouldn't want to have sex with them even if it was offered. Attraction has a lot more to do than just physical appearance or being nice. This is a big part of why I'm listening to her when she uses the...
    >>> on Forum topic - Understanding how OCD, Anxiety RSD and Emotional Lability work

  • Trauma? and besides
    by: Swedish coast - 1 month 1 week ago
    I imagine a victim of sexual abuse might need to feel safer than most to want to participate in any sexual activity. But also, let's be honest. To approach somebody sexually is not about what you feel, but what feeling you can arouse in the other person. They must like your advances, or those advances will always be threatening, disgusting or, at best, annoying. I've left somebody long ago because they didn't get this. They were as sweet as can be, but didn't know how to tickle somebody else's desire,...
    >>> on Forum topic - Understanding how OCD, Anxiety RSD and Emotional Lability work

  • Yes this is part of it AdeleS6845
    by: J - 1 month 1 week ago
    Not only from the more recent past in short relationships, where the men only wanted sex, but  from long ago when she was sexually abused at age 13 by her sisters husband who lived in the house at the time. She's even mentioned that her therapist had speculated current issues from the past but she didn't continue with the therapist long enough to get that part sorted out. I'm sure these things exacerbate our situation but I don't think it's at the heart of the matter. We haven't had sex for a year an half...
    >>> on Forum topic - Understanding how OCD, Anxiety RSD and Emotional Lability work

  • Our Love Languages....
    by: J - 1 month 1 week ago
    are very different.  My top two are touch and quality time. Her top two are acts of service and gifts. Her's are easy for me....mine for her is where our problem together begins. That is a good idea however...asking her what would be more comfortable instead. In the big picture though....any initiation on my part in showing affection, romance, love but especially sex has appeared to be the biggest issue. Me initiating anything along these lines is what seems to trigger her. So even talking about it or...
    >>> on Forum topic - Understanding how OCD, Anxiety RSD and Emotional Lability work

  • How awful
    by: Swedish coast - 1 month 1 week ago
    I'm sorry Adele, that sounds so heart wrenching. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Understanding how OCD, Anxiety RSD and Emotional Lability work

  • Just a thought.
    by: AdeleS6845 - 1 month 1 week ago
    Perhaps her behavior stems from things that happened in past relationships.  With my fiance, I sometimes react that way.  I was married to someone who only gave me positive attention when he wanted sex.
    >>> on Forum topic - Understanding how OCD, Anxiety RSD and Emotional Lability work

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