Recent forum posts (all topics)

After everything I've learned so far including reading from the book, I've been trying to imploy aa many tools as possible when communicating with my SO. That includes, not invalidating things she says especially things she believes.  I'm going in with an open mindset even if I don't personally agree with everything she believes, and responding to her accordingly trying not to say things like "I don't believe it" or "that's not true".

The ADHD Effect on Marriage really resonates but the perspective has me confused. I wonder if my ADHD wife is projecting. 

If necessity is the mother of invention, then it's working. The culmination of years of therapy ( and not actually knowing exactly what it was geared for ) ....I'm finally putting all the pieces together, but now, in an all encompassing way. I'm getting the big picture, the macro and the micro, and am gaining the ability to see things much more clearly. I really beginning to see all the players or characters in my like and how I got here which specific to me, is what I really needed. Answers to questions I've wanted to know more than anything. My anxious nature has pushed me to thus point but more, finally understanding my own 

After divorce ten months ago I've had several friends come visit. Mostly one good friend at a time, but also small family gatherings, and the occasional friend's family with children. 

It's been enjoyable, and I've mostly managed it. But socializing now knocks me out instead of filling me up. I don't want to admit it, but it's a fact. And the children, who aren't used to company after all the years of their father's depression and anxiety, are socially withdrawn which means I must work harder and sometimes feel awkward and overwhelmed. 

He has ADHD but the parent/child dynamic doesn't describe us

My husband left just over a year ago and I haven't known why.  I've finally stumbled upon the ADHD in marriage information and it tells our story, except that he was the one who left.  He is terrified of feeling trapped and controlled and at the moment is utterly disinterested in looking at reconcilation.  We have met up a couple of times recently and have talked for several hours, from my point of view getting on very well and having quite a nice time despite the weird situation.  Logically he seems to recognise that I haven't been a horrible controlling harpy but emotionally he is scared,

Been married almost 10 years to non ADHD spouse. Once a year I make a budgeting/planning mistake with financial implications. In the past we've moved money from savings to fix the issue. But my wife is blindsided by it and feels like I have hidden issues from her. Admittedly I have because I don't want to fight and think I can fix it on my own,which has just resulted in me running up personal debt to balance out mistakes I make with joint finances. I spend nothing on myself but make mistakes in planning and budgeting. The issue is when I reach a point I can't cover it she feels blindsided and like I should have brought it to her sooner. This cycle has repeated so many times there is a lot of emotional scar tissue which just makes communicating about it harder. This past week I forgot what came out when and my wife had to bail us out again and she is fed up. When I find these issues I am paralyzed I sat two days without talking to her about it because I was afraid of her having more reason to mistrust me. I don't know what I think will happen, no miracle will save us and it's happening so I might as well face it, but I just can't do it. I get so scared and nervous I feel sick and dont eat, don't sleep and in the end chicken out saying I will do it tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow until the disaster happens, like a deer frozen in the headlights. I'm terrified she will leave. I've started couples therapy but does anyone have any advice on how I can face this? 

Guys, I'm struggling...really struggling....at this exact moment it's down to the fact that I feel like me - any part, my thoughts, my feelings, my needs, my wants, ANY of it - are not considered AT ALL or at any point by my ADHD husband. It's infuriating and frustrating, but more importantly. It HURTS SO BAD. So badly. Like, it hurts me so much and is so painful that all I can figure out is relief will only come if I leave him. Genuinely. I don't cry much anymore about my situation, but at this point, I just feel numb and pain and hurt and rejection. And I cried today, just now.

I watched a video once on ADHD, where it said: "ADHD is NOT a deficit on attention. What it IS, is an inability to switch attention from one thing to another."

I wholeheartedly agree from the inside and what it feels like to me. This is exactly what happens and this exactly part of the problem I'm having with my SO. Yes, yes....she has ADHD too, but in an effort to do everything I can do on my side of things....making sure she can gets my attention is top on the list. 

She told me again this morning in a comment saying I'm addicted to my phone. That's not it. This is  a ADHD symptom of not being able to switch tasks as I should. Hyper-focusing on my phone too long....connected to the Bluetooth so I can't hear her and she can't get my attention. 

That's it. It's one thing I can do, making sure she can get my attention is top priority on my list.

J

Just a quick post about anger that I,ve more recently become aware of. When I'm angry, I can see nothing in myself or anyone else except my own anger.