One of our readers commented on his experiences with vastly improving memory since his diagnosis of ADD, so I went to Dr. Hallowell to ask him – does ADD affect memory? His response was typical Hallowell in the very best sense:
“My years of experience have taught me that ADD affects memory in a major way. This is the analogy I use. Think of your memory bank as a block of wood. Think of a piece of information or data or an image as the nail. Attention is what hammers the nail into the wood. This is what we mean by studying. So, if attention is variable, many nails will not get hammered in.”
The original message from our reader shows from his own personal experience why improved memory from his ADD treatment is so important in his own relationships:
“… it's blazingly obvious in my own life (that memory and ADD are linked). I was diagnosed with ADHD about 18 months ago (I'm currently 38), and started on meds. When I look back over my life, it's like an enormous fogbank with occasional flashes of color...up until about 18 months ago. I can actually remember stuff that has happened since then. I can correlate multiple experiences and identify resulting consequences (and let me tell you, this has led to enormous revelations, both about myself and about my relationships). I can have a conversation about something that's happened in the past year and a half and not sound like a blithering idiot. In short: medication for ADHD has been a huge boost in my ability to remember things. It's vaguely possible that this is all attributable to some other thing, cause unknown, but Occam's Razor would place a thumb squarely on the ADHD.”
So, next time you are trying to think of reasons why it might make sense to get treatment for your ADD, think of Dr. Hallowell’s nail and hammer analogy, as well as how nice it would be to be able to “correlate multiple experiences and identify resulting consequences”!
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My memory...
I applaud you, the husband,
We've read Honey, Are You
Why Meds?
No one on this site will tell you you have to get meds to work to treat your ADD, but Dr. Hallowell will tell you that you might want to try them. His reasoning is that meds help over 70% of those who try them, without significant side effect. And, he would posit, there are significant side effects to not treating ADD - such as relationship problems, school issues (for kids), low self esteem, etc. The good thing about these meds is you can try them, and if you don't like them they go out of your system quickly and that's that. It's really a "no lose" kind of thing.
The non-medicinal approaches are growing (including things like CogMed for memory issues) and shouldn't be ignored, but it doesn't have to be an either/or situation. You do need some discipline to keep up the non-medicinal approaches, and you'll know yourself well enough to know if you can do it (diet, exercise, meditation, behavior modification, educaiton, are all parts of the non-medicinal side). For a bit more info on different types of non-medicinal treatments, go to what the Hallowell Center offers at this link.
And, know thta if you decide to try meds, you'll want to experiment (with your doctor's help) to find the one that fits you best. Finally, meds DON'T work alone. You still have to also do the behavior modification, etc. The meds just make sticking with it easier. I use my daughter's experience to illustrate why. Once she started taking meds (and found the right one, which took a while) she was able to focus for the first time in her life. But because she hadn't ever focused before, she had never learned how to organize herself. So she spent a good deal of time learning how to study, how to keep notes about her assignments, how to turn them in on time, etc. These are skills most of her classmates had already started on, and she needed to catch up. You'll need to catch up, too, but there is no embarassment in that. THink of it as "training" - the same type of training that you would need to do if you were to start a new sport and really take it seriously.
Your best treatment will be the one that lets you be you (in your best self) and helps you get rid of the stuff that's getting in your way.
Melissa Orlov
meds
Broken link
In your 'Why Meds' comment. 'the Hallowell Center offer at this link' goes nowhere.
I always thought I was stupid
symptoms getting worse
Your symptoms might be getting worse if you are in a particularly busy or stressful period of your life. Both of these things seem to contribute to increasing symptoms.
Melissa Orlov
symptoms
symptoms
My first thought is that I might look into getting a second opinion from a second doctor - not about your diagnosis, but about how the meds are being doled out. Finding the right ADD med is often an exercise in experimentation - if one med doesn't seem to be working increasing the dose is one approach, but so is trying different medications. In addition, there is a tone of anxiousness in your note. Perhaps you can talk with this doctor (or another) about whether anxiety or depression are augmenting your problems?
A second thought - it seems as if you are taking too much of the responsibility of the 17 year olds' behavior on yourself. Having teens is stressful for many, many people (not just those with ADD) and one good way to deal with it is to not only try to help them, but also to get the support of your spouse, of friends in similar situations, and sometimes of doctors (you don't mention if the kids have been diagnosed, or what their issues are, but a diagnosis can be very helpful, particularly before the transition to college...)
Finally, it's probably not that your symptoms have gotten worse since your diagnosis, but rather that you are more aware of them (or that your expectations for quick changes have been raised, and you are more frustrated than before). If you are having trouble following through on the plans that you and your therapist are creating, it may be that you aren't getting enough relief from your treatment plan and need to add or try other things (aerobic exercise, by the way, really helps with focus as well as with alleviating depression and anxiety. Consider fast walking, or working out 4-5 times a week).
If you would like to share some of the "difficulties of the children" with us, perhaps we can provide some ideas on that front.
Melissa Orlov
the key word her IMHO is
A-HA!
Poor Memory & Marital Problems
ADD & Memory
It's been a while since anyone posted on this topic, but I need some help with this. My husband is under an enormous amount of stress right now. He's grieving the death of his father eight months ago, and there are several other large stresses to his life. He's working too many hours and has less time to exercise or relax. I am doing all I can to support him through this rough time, and trying to be patient with the ADD. I'm also getting pretty worried about him, because his ADD symptoms are getting more pronounced, his memory is getting really bad, and his communication skills are failing in all areas of his life.
Will these things get better when life calms down? Over the past 14 years, I've seen him slowly get worse and worse. He doesn't want to deal with the ADD, and I know that part of his behavior is rebelliion against me and against his perception that I'm judging him wrong all the time. I admit to having a lot of frustration about his behavior, though I've been working hard to just let him be the way he is while life is so hard for him. But I'm under many of the same stresses he is, plus I'm working to take care of him, and working even longer hours than he is - so the patience isn't always there. And honestly, I'm just so tired of having to repeat the same things to him. It's as if he doesn't bother trying to remember because he can always ask again. And I say it that way because that's how he functions in so many parts of his life. He sees no reason to be efficient with anything, because he can always just do it again - or get someone else to do it for him.
Because of his memory problems and resistance to dealing with the ADD, I feel so much more like his mother than wife. I'm working to get our finances in better order, and it's so hard to have to tell him, repeatedly, why we have to wait to buy something. And this goes on both at home and in our business, so I'm being the bad guy all the time.
I know he'd have to want to work on improving things for real changes to occur. But is there a point at which some of the memory abilties are just lost? I really don't want to spend another 30+ years taking care of someone who can never be an equal partner. I'm so lonely in this marriage. I keep everything running as smoothly as possible, but there's no one there for me. I'm trying to believe that we can both make the changes necessary to having a better marriage, but there's very little hope right now.
I dont quite belong here
I am widowed, single among many older women who are not partnered, separated, divorced, age related poor prospects of ever being partnered again ifshe is the least bit picky about who she hooks up with again
but once all the initial updroar over the final illnesses, skating the fringes of being medically banrupted, forclosed, evicted were behind me, due to some really radical life style changes to avoid winding up sleeping in my car, instead of driving it from my home to town and back again, in a rural area with no real transportaion alternatives here either.
and I have found the upside of being all alone, sometimes lonely, bored spitless, is how much more managable life has become with fewer responsibilities
I had a really rotten 35 year marriage, held together in part for conservative religious reasons, extended familoy pressures to keep it together for the sake of the kids, for the sake of his political and corporate career, for the sake of everybody and everything else
What finally ended it wasnt cancer, it was a major almost life ending heart attack visiting my ADHD alcohol and drug addicted oldest son in the Oregon State prison system where such human discards are cured by Our War On Drugs abuse of them and their families
Read current updates on Our War On Drugs (not the title actually)by Gabor Mate, a canadian best seller.
then read for a chaser about families, Elizabeth Edwards post cancer book and substitute stress shock broken hearet stooppage, and rehab aftermath from that instead.
Its flawless 20 20 hindsightk but I should have chercked out of Our Family Zoo twenty years sooner and the bottom line is is that marriage and family worth saving? Ithink the kids would have been as well off, lperhapes even better, with an open split
the guy was a classic successful workaholid executive on the way up the laddar of success.
It left the rest of the family with vivid memories of cutting out orf Christcmas Day Dinner because he could get better airline reservations the dayt before the post holliday rush screwed up everybody else the next day.
New Years eve and day was when he went to his office atc home to get a running head stfart on the next years income tax prep.;
He did not make it to his oldest sons church conformation age 12. the youngest son finally gave up on scouts because he was the oine turkey whose dad didnt make it to those mandated scouting meetings either. I finallygot him on a local swim team where poarental attendence was not required.
I think the loneliest occupation ever infented for women is getting married and having kids, if dad is a workaholic corporate and political success
And wonder what Elizabgeth Edwards would have written if she had the guts to tell it like it really was? She got cancer. I got post stress cardio rehab which totally changed my life instead.
and a point its worth asking some serious questions aboujt is that marriage and family worth saving?
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