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by: exhaustedkitten -
Nothing has really changed, but I've more or less been focusing on myself and doing things just for me. Work has been incredibly busy so my focus has honestly been there. I think the best advice someone else gave me was to focus on me and enjoying life outside of my husband.>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: Swedish coast -
It sounds nice to know where your happiness lies. It sounds like you’re on your way to having fun.>>> on Forum topic - Grief work
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m smiling J, it’s nice to hear you explain what makes you happy. It sounds like you really want to get those skis on and ride your motorcycle! My ex is a totally different story, he’s never pursued activities for himself (unfortunately) and is instead oriented towards his closest people. His children mean the world to him. (In my country dads are very active and involved parents as a rule.) I think his biggest fear during divorce was that he mightn’t be able to live with them. That fear led to...>>> on Forum topic - Grief work
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by: J -
I don't even know how to clasify myself !>>> on Forum topic - Grief work
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by: J -
"I know nothing about how he’s currently doing. Initially he implied he was better, but during this year he’s backed out of every annual activity the children enjoy. It seems he isn’t yet fit for a day at an amusement park. He seems to initiate very little. All he says is caring for children 50% is going well." I'm guessing, this might be one of those places where empathy is difficult because there's a fundamental difference in how things are seen and felt between men and women. There's a big...>>> on Forum topic - Grief work
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by: How Long will t... -
Absolutely. I only come on here when I feel I've reached my limit to how much longer I can deal with the bizarreness that is ADHD. It truly is that saying "misery loves company">>> on Forum topic - Is it normal
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by: How Long will t... -
You summed it up! Like two ships passing in the night is exactly how my marriage has always felt.>>> on Forum topic - Energy drain
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by: How Long will t... -
YES! I know exactly how you feel. My husband lives in a different state 6 months out of the year. When he is gone I feel alive! When he is here I feel stifled, unable to speak and overall depressed. People may ask why do I stay? When we are with a group he is the life of the party. He is so wonderful with everyone else. He is a killjoy with me. So I plan as many group activities as I can when he is home. (Married 29 years)>>> on Forum topic - Energy drain
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m so sorry to hear this too. Melody, I know how hard you’ve worked to support the relationship between him and your daughter. What a cruel twist of events. I’m sorry for your loss. I think of you.>>> on Forum topic - Both sides now
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by: 1Melody1 -
I'm so sorry for your loss, Jennalemone. What a terribly hard year you must have had. I have not shared this here yet, but my ex-husband also passed 3 months ago. I am still reeling, devastated and doing my best to support our grieving daughter who lost her dad at much too young an age. I very much relate to what you wrote about still being in love with that young guy. The bad was real but so was the good. Thank you for sharing and I hope you are doing okay. I'm so happy to hear you have...>>> on Forum topic - Both sides now
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by: Swedish coast -
This moves me so. I’m sorry for your loss. Figuratively and non-figuratively. I share your journey from deep love and trust to disappointment and distrust. It’s heartbreaking. I’m glad you’re on the forum to share your insights.>>> on Forum topic - Both sides now
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by: ctbuchy -
What a beautiful post. I wish you joy looking at these old photos of "when the love really was there" :'-)>>> on Forum topic - Both sides now
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by: J -
my EQ may be higher than hers. She is quite intelligent and quick whitted with a good sense of humor. All signs of an intellegent person. In fact, she's much more quick whitted than me in that respect. I think we are quite compatible in the IQ department. Her son and daughter in law are very sharp and intelligent too...but I question their emotional intelligence at times. I'm no genius, but I feel like my emotional intelligence is at least up to par.>>> on Forum topic - Guilty by Association - Contempt
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by: Swedish coast -
Being non-ADHD but having lived twenty years with an undiagnosed ADD partner, I can relate very much to this. Your list is ambitious. My ex would have made perhaps one or two of the things on that list on a weekend. A majority of them he could never do, period. The list would be hard for me, too. I think you cannot be expected to do it all. I have no answers as to how to make a relationship work when partners don’t match in expectations and ability. I didn’t make it. But I learned some...>>> on Forum topic - My Partner Revealed that She Has Been Keeping Score
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by: Swedish coast -
J, this is not fair of her. Whatever prejudice one may have of a group of people (and I believe we can all be prejudiced from time to time) it’s not ok to generalize grossly and especially not to make someone innocent suffer for it. If she has an issue with you becoming angry, then she should address that. Bunching you with some less sweet and affectionate men and judging you together isn’t intellectually honest. I’m glad you find your therapy enlightening.>>> on Forum topic - Guilty by Association - Contempt
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by: Swedish coast -
Your kind thoughts are heartwarming. Thank you so much.>>> on Forum topic - Grief work
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by: Haveaniceday -
Swedish Coast, I really feel the agony in what you've written. It's an impossible scenario, you could not stay in your marriage, but by being brave enough to get out, it haunts you just the same. It's excruciating. It reminds me of a meme I saw the other day which read "I accidentally became important at work and it's ruining my life." Except, this is accidentally being (too) good at running a life and family, and ... It's unfair. Unfair that he has the disorder, unfair that it's ruined...>>> on Forum topic - Grief work
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by: Swedish coast -
That is so much appreciated. I guess I could find out what standards he sets for children by asking. What does he want for them? The problem is this conversation will automatically be embarrassing for him. He doesn’t have ideas, make plans or have ability to make things happen. I’m convinced (we’ve had this conversation many times before) he’s silently happy to let me work, but doesn’t want responsibility for what I choose to do. Underneath his opaqueness he’s probably still ashamed. ...>>> on Forum topic - Grief work
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by: solonelyandtired -
Reading this post instead of writing my own as it is essentially what I would have written anyway... has anything changed for you in the past 2 months? Currently stuck in the same situation but not looking forward to the hard conversations. My partner is not willing to go to therapy but the issues remain and I am losing my will to battle.>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: MelissaOrlov -
I have to respond to this because it feels so very familiar...that grief and fear - what if my partner is doing horribly and it will affect my kids? What if he has a health emergency? Is he okay? Should I take care of him? I used to think of these things regularly after my divorce, and my ex pulled away from his kids (and friends) much more than anyone expected; did not seem to be doing well by many accounts. I loved him deeply - my heart really did break for him (and my kids) and I felt a...>>> on Forum topic - Grief work
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