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by: c ur self -
Do you realize that you have made (allowed) his inabilities to become the center of your life? Is his issues what you want as the dominate thought in your mind everyday? Do you not want a life of your own? I asked these hard question's because I lived it just like that for several years...Until I placed so many boundaries to free myself up to live...Which destroyed most everything I shared w/her, because of her controlling spirit, RSD and Impulsivity...Which doesn't allow for respect for others...>>> on Forum topic - House renovation to infinity
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by: dottiecool -
Hello, thank you so much for your reply. When we met on a dating site, he was not marriage or relationship minded. He only wanted someone to go for coffee with. I was marriage minded. I now wish we had only remained friends instead of what has now transpired as 8 years of heartache. I sometimes feel like I am just another one of his unfinished projects. It is hard to understand that part of their of thinking is not from a willed perspective. And how they cannot foresee the hurt or consequences...>>> on Forum topic - House renovation to infinity
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by: dottiecool -
Its not just the porn. I have had to endure constant comments on actresses over the years about how stunningly beautiful some of them are and how this woman or that woman looks like a model. This past Thanksgiving I snapped after he made a comment about an actress and I asked him why he never calls me stunning. I told him that he has never used that word to describe me. Here's the response I got from him verbatim...."I am not responsible for your self esteem"!!! I couldn't believe it!! So not...>>> on Forum topic - House renovation to infinity
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by: c ur self -
Many of us married that person you are posting about...I'm now getting a divorce after 16 years....The messy hoarding, it doesn't stop, because it's being done from the reality of his mind...Not his will... My wife and I could have been friends for ever probably....She is a perfect example of person who should always live single...Any time justification is the reality of a mind who's life is highly intrusive, that will always lead to suffering...I suggest you never marry a person who is...>>> on Forum topic - House renovation to infinity
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by: c ur self -
Reading your post gave me much pause... But I would like to share this statement by CS Lewis w/ you..."Love is never wasted, for its value does rest upon reciprocity." Bless you dear friend...>>> on Forum topic - Both sides now
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by: 1Melody1 -
Hey may finish the house one day and he may not. It has been 12 years so I would guess this isn't a priority for him. His actions are showing you it's not. You can push and push and push but keep in mind that if you marry him, you will be doing this for the rest of your life. If he is diagnosed, but not getting ADHD treatment, this isn't going to change. I was with an untreated guy too who had many good qualities, however, the unfinished projects were endless and he was addicted to porn (among other...>>> on Forum topic - House renovation to infinity
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by: J -
Now I get it. YouTube: USA vs Soviet Union 1980 Olympics ( goals )>>> on Forum topic - Trauma Survivors
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by: dottiecool -
So any hope I have of him finishing his house are fruitless? It is hard to accept that it may never happen. Now he wants to buy me a car because he does make a good living and he says that the money is just sitting there. i gotta give him credit for not spending foolishly. However, I would rather he take that money and hire someone to help him put flooring in the house and install the kitchen. But should I suggest this? Also, as a side note, he looks at porn and i've read this makes it harder...>>> on Forum topic - House renovation to infinity
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by: sickandtired -
Yes I hung in there for 11 years and I regret wasting that time trying to be patient and trying to help him. He didn’t show me his house for several months either, and I never was invited inside his travel trailer where he actually lived before he put the roof up. I had to pay for him to redo the roof after the wood started rotting from years of exposure to the rain with no shingles on the roof! His house looked hoarded too. It’s amazing how similar these symptoms are across the board with so many...>>> on Forum topic - House renovation to infinity
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by: Off the roller ... -
So I haven't posted in a while and I got these comments/replies while I was away and it's really compeled me to reply - specifically on this one. Someone asked how things were 2 months in and I went and took a 2 week trip with my son out of the country and it was glorious. I didn't have to worry, care or concern myself with my ADHD husband or his affect on me - because I wasn't there to have to be affected by it. And if I'm truly honest with myself (which isreally effing tough) I missed who he USED to...>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: exhaustedkitten -
This sounds about right, and it does cost us as the non-ADHD partner. I have yet to hear any success stories from anyone with an ADHD partner. It's just tremendously sad.>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: dottiecool -
Hello sickandtired; Thank you so much for your reply. You hung in there for 11 years!!! I am not sure if I can put in anymore years with this man. He did the wiring and plumbing but has no kitchen and does his dishes in the bathtub. When we first started dating he would not let me in his house for 6 months. Was this to get me to fall in love and then when he did show me his house, I would be more accepting? The house looks like a hoarder lives there and I can no longer go in his house. ...>>> on Forum topic - House renovation to infinity
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by: dottiecool -
Hello; I read somewhere that it doesn't matter how much we express our pain to partner with ADHD, if they are desensitized to it or do not have the capacity to mentally deal with our pain nothing changes. Also i read it has more to do with THEIR pain as in they DO NOT want to feel pain and any avenues we suggest they take is too painful for them.this is the reason my fiance does not want to change or go for therapy because it would be too painful. Mylast therapist said I have to count the...>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m sorry this has come to a standstill and makes you unhappy. It sounds unpromising for marriage and family, which puts hard demands on a partner. If its not possible to arrange a wedding together with a fiancé, perhaps one shouldn’t marry them. I did, but have regetted it in hindsight. You need a dependable partner on your life journey.>>> on Forum topic - House renovation to infinity
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by: J -
"Yes, people with PTSD often experience dreams of being attacked, as their nightmares frequently replay elements of their traumatic experience, which can include scenarios like being physically assaulted or threatened. " Last night, I had a vivid dream of being menaced and stalked by a man ( who looked like Jack Black ) wielding a long knife. This dream went on for quite a while, in fact, I woke my SO up three times screaming as I was running for my life and trying to hide from this stranger. ...>>> on Forum topic - Makes me feel alive
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by: EMADHD -
good luck. if you have question about the cards, please let me know. happy to help.>>> on Forum topic - My Partner Revealed that She Has Been Keeping Score
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by: Swedish coast -
I can’t imagine how hard this must have been. Hugs ❤️>>> on Forum topic - Both sides now
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by: 1Melody1 -
I really appreciate your kind words. It has been an unbelievably painful time. His parents are still living even - it all feels so shocking and unjust. I didn't have the strength to reply to your post about grieving, but if your ex husband needs you because he becomes unwell, just believe that you will know what to do when the time comes. Your heart will guide you. At least for me that was the case and I have a feeling we're pretty similar. :)>>> on Forum topic - Both sides now
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by: J -
I'm sorry for your loss, truly. I can understand the bitter sweet feelings of gaining peace and losing something in return. There's no free lunch as they say... Hoping the best for you regardless of where your life takes you in the future. J>>> on Forum topic - Both sides now
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by: J -
It wouldn't really wouldn't change anything.>>> on Forum topic - Grief work
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