Recent Comments

  • Of course one becomes resentful
    by: Swedish coast - 3 days 19 hours ago
    I’ve had my share of ADD dysfunction in a partner and in the end had to leave. But what you describe is much worse than what we had, particularly his sarcasm. Of course you will be resentful. Of course your bucket is empty. There are excellent resources - Melissa’s courses, books, couples therapy - but as I see it they all need some outer circumstances to be helpful, namely ADHD partner accepts there are adverse effects on their partner of their symptoms, and wants change...
    >>> on Forum topic - Communication bridge is just not there…

  • All Three are Possible
    by: J - 3 days 21 hours ago
    I have ADHD, OCD, and RSD so it's possible to have all three. My SO, I suspect, has all three as well. My OCD is a different type than most people think, but it is related to fear. My SO is more of what most people think it looks like, and hers is related more to a compulsions. They look very different from the outside....but they're both related to anxiety. Anxiety at the core.  I asked her the other night if she felt her obsession about vacuuming ( dirt ) on the floor was...
    >>> on Forum topic - I have OCD and he has ADHD

  • Case in point.
    by: J - 3 days 22 hours ago
    I had something really important to address with my SO ( also ADHD ) and in the past, anything involving her, especially an implied "wrong doing ", would immediately get met with anger and defensiveness and getting it thrown back at me. I decided to carefully compose a text, using "I" words and "I feel " in an effort to not blame or accuse. I decided to text so I had a chance to completely get my feelings addressed and to feel heard.... In the past, those two things were consistently invidated...
    >>> on Blog post - How Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria Impacts Non-ADHD Partners

  • People don't remember what you say....
    by: J - 3 days 22 hours ago
    they remember how it made them feel. I'll include this to that very true statement: Sometimes ( I believe most of the time )....those feelings get lost from our conscious, working memory....but they are  never truly gone or lost.  A part of us ( our subconscious thoughts ) ...remembers. That has a lot to do with it. That's what needs to be addressed , and what a huge part of the inability to communicate is all about.  For me, I didn't use to know this or what the problem was. I...
    >>> on Blog post - How Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria Impacts Non-ADHD Partners

  • Sorry C
    by: Swedish coast - 5 days 9 hours ago
    I shouldn’t try to speak for anyone else.  You’re right, as long as we’ve lived with loving intent and done our best, time hasn’t been wasted.  All the best to you. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Energy drain

  • Love it!
    by: c ur self - 5 days 15 hours ago
    It's not a surprise that the electric bill comes every month but when you have no strategy in place to pay recurring bills it shouldn't be a surprise when your power is off. Well I'm going to bed w/ a smile on my face, lol......Thanks to you adhd32! c:)
    >>> on Forum topic - Avoiding parent/child but important things are missed...

  • Hi exhaustedme....
    by: c ur self - 5 days 16 hours ago
    We all tend to the important things in our lives on a fairly timely bases...But, each of us rate importance with different convictions...It's usually very clear as we watch each other live life, (making daily choices) what carry's the most weight for each of us...We should always believe what we see, but, not so much of what we hear... c
    >>> on Forum topic - being on time

  • I think that question has to be an I and not a we....
    by: c ur self - 5 days 16 hours ago
    I was married 30 years to a meek, super sweet girl, who's favorite place was by my side...( she passed away)....I had no clue how to deal w/ my current wife once the hyper focus turned off (like turning off a water spiket)...I was hurt and lonely, I have always liked closeness and intimacy...So I got angry...Pointed out the uncaring life she was living...I finally got over my anger and just turned to acceptance....If she was living it was going to be this way!...So w/ acceptance and boundaries we...
    >>> on Forum topic - Energy drain

  • The impossible cat
    by: Swedish coast - 5 days 19 hours ago
    Sorry Bill, I understand your frustration. It’s funny, the non-existing cat happens to be my go to illustration of how our ADD family has differed from others. Just about everyone I know has a cat. It’s normally not that big a responsibility. But it’s always been clear to me even a healthy cat would be impossible for us, because of my ex’s ADD. The moment it needed veterinary care, worry or special treatment, it would completely overthrow the delicate balance of our combined health and sanity....
    >>> on Forum topic - Avoiding parent/child but important things are missed...

  • No solution
    by: adhd32 - 6 days 53 min ago
    I could not live with delinquent bills and kids left outside waiting to be picked up in 10 degree weather so i did it all myself. I lived as though I was a single parent with all the responsibilities. The frustration of being disappointed and not being able to express it due to rsd meltdown is worse to me than captaining the ship. Personally the fallout of undone tasks is worse because the issue devolves into a dumpster fire when all could be avoided.  It's not a surprise that the electric bill comes...
    >>> on Forum topic - Avoiding parent/child but important things are missed...

  • Thank you!
    by: exhaustedme - 6 days 2 hours ago
    Thank you J. I am particularly appreciative that you answer because i believe it is better when the individual who is late consistently is the one that takes the responsibility to take the small, easy step. We all know how demeaning it is to follow a parent/child relationship.  The problem might be that he does not think this is a problem. So from my side, I will kindly explain why him being late breaks my plans and ask him to put an alarm. I am hoping this will work. I am aware this is a small...
    >>> on Forum topic - being on time

  • Only One Cure
    by: J - 6 days 2 hours ago
    I have ADHD and manage to be on time now. It's the KISS principle again ( keep it simple stupid ).  When I use to wear a watch. I set it 10 minutes early. If I need to be somewhere on time, I leave  ( or plan my exit ) 10 or 15 minutes early. I leave early, to be on time. And usually, I'm JUST or right on time. I get ready early, to be on time. Predict failure, act accordingly.  That's it.      
    >>> on Forum topic - being on time

  • Made a suggestion
    by: Swedish coast - 6 days 20 hours ago
    Now I texted to my ex a suggestion that he might either A) communicate with me about children only or B) if he wishes to improve our relationship, make an appointment with the couple’s therapist. He texts occasional personal things, like birthday greetings, to me. It’s meant to be friendly I think, but it just hurts and I cry. Conventional greetings are not really appropriate when communication has gone down an abyss together with respect and trust a year ago, and nothing has...
    >>> on Forum topic - He says he hasn’t come up with anything yet

  • Anxiety and Depression
    by: J - 1 week 22 hours ago
    Out of curiosity, I looked up : the effect on a child, later in life, from being subjected to helicopter parenting. ( disorders and issues ) Answer: Developing problems with Anxiety and Depression later in life. My mom and I both, have/had issues with Anxiety and Depression. My mom especially, was a very anxious, anxiety ridden person. High strung....startled easily and became easily alarmed.  ( too the extreme ).  Pretty sure she was also OCD with possibly other anxiety disorders....
    >>> on Forum topic - Long Time Coming

  • Yet you always seemed so calm
    by: Swedish coast - 1 week 2 days ago
    I'm so sad today about this senseless waste of life. I never could see the whole picture until after divorce. Then it all showed itself, the slow loss of everything I cared about during the ADHD marriage. The people. The dreams and hopes. My confidence. I feel life has been ruined. There's a new year coming but I have no anticipation. Why did we subject ourselves to this for so long..?
    >>> on Forum topic - Energy drain

  • Exactly!
    by: c ur self - 1 week 2 days ago
    I watched her play her life away, w/ no concern for how she left any room in the house, Eat, play, TV, little to no thought of what she left in her wake, for the family to deal with..(Me), and no thought of my needs.....I was in shock most of the time....Anxiety and Stress has been my closest companions....
    >>> on Forum topic - Energy drain

  • Boundaries....
    by: c ur self - 1 week 2 days ago
    Here's the thing about generous, loving and fun human beings....They starve to death right along w/ anyone who depends on them...It is so easy to fall into the trap of loving someone who isn't responsible...And then you end up carrying them, doing double work and burning out while your health declines.... Who wants to work when we could play?...That's a child's mindset...Expect him to be a responsible adult, husband and Father...To work faithfully and take care of HIS responsibilities....Place boundaries...
    >>> on Forum topic - Progress but hope-less with young family

  • Anxiety rings true
    by: Swedish coast - 1 week 2 days ago
    C, I agree from my experience at least. Anxiety from feeling helpless and still responsible for everything...
    >>> on Forum topic - Energy drain

  • The unbridgeable gap....
    by: c ur self - 1 week 2 days ago
    Do you think it could be anxiety?....From day one, there was always a lack of connection w/us, which sponsored an uneasiness in me...I could never relax, everything in me had to be flowing out to her...With little to nothing flowing back...I was focused on (hyper) while we dated, and maybe six month after the vows...It's been mentally and emotionally draining... c
    >>> on Forum topic - Energy drain

  • Take care J
    by: Swedish coast - 1 week 3 days ago
    I'm sorry you feel this way today.
    >>> on Forum topic - Energy drain

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