Forum topic: I want us to be happy

Sat Jan 15th, 2011 - 3:04pm by Jonnyboy

Forum: 
Joy in Marriages with ADHD

Hello,

 As a young child I was diagnosed with ADHD. I went threw counceling and the rigours testing of tons of medications. Its very difficult to sit and concentrate on something for long periods of time that im not interested in.

Recently I have been looking at tons of forum posts and Videos On ADHD. the only thing people seem to be talking about is symptoms and diagnoses. every single video or forum post says people with ADHD need TOOLS. I understand that people with ADHD need Professional counseling and most people with ADHD need medication. Is there any forum post or web site that has a list of these tools???

I understand that I need a professional to talk with on a regular basis. I also get the fact that most people with ADHD need medications. Unfortunately these are the only tools anyone talks about. seems like everyone is stuck talking about symptoms and personal effects of being around or having ADHD.

PLEASE, does anyone one have any suggestions about tools for coping with ADHD?

 

best regards,

Jonnyboy
 

Comments

Submitted by SherriW13 on Sun Jan 16th, 2011 - 12:48pm

I think if you'll look under the section here titled Melssa's Favorites you might find some really useful information. Tools typically is referring to ways of coping with the symptoms of ADHD that aren't as destructive as some of the coping mechanisms used by many with ADHD. Communication is the biggest for me in my marriage. Therapy for you and your partner will help you understand the differences better and therefore improve communication. Knowing how to make a point without making a federal case of every issue that arises. Knowing when to walk away from a subject before it turns into a huge fight. For nonADHDers knowing when we are dealing with ADHD and not our spouse, per say, is a huge one. Being able to let go of the idea that being right is equal to being heard. We don't have to have our partners repeat back to us what we say and fully agree to be validated. Agree to disagree. Tools to help with organization are useful too. Electronics such as cell phones, PDAs, etc...can help with setting daily/weekly reminders to help complete work tasks and chores at home. Charts and planners can be useful also. Post it notes to remind yourself to take out the trash, call your spouse, pick up groceries, etc. Scheduled daily meeting with your spouse to coordinate duties and schedules or to just discuss concerns and issues that need addressing are often helpful too. For me these things are as individualized as each person...what you might need as tools, would depend on where the weaknesses are in your marriage and in your life. What areas you need/want to Improve in will dictate which tools work for you. If you cannot seem to have a normal conversation without it being a fight then it would stand to reason that you need a therapist who specializes in ADHD and can help you both in this area. If you struggle to remember your share of the household duties then maybe a chart would help. The most important first step is to recognize and acknowledge the issues caused by the ADHD and then listening to each's needs and ideas on how to resolve the issues. If you need the therapist for this too, that is ok. Best of luck! Keep us posted! Sherri

Submitted by kippei on Thu Jan 27th, 2011 - 5:50am

I think the only way you can get tools is by talking to someone with ADHD/ADD. What do you need help with? What is bothering you the most? I agree with you that it's symptoms and diagnose then the end. Not a lot of ADD/ADHD people seem to be asking for help online either. Even this forum, I really like it, it has really helped me in this short time to understand my husbands feelings more and it is very precious to me that I have somewhere where I can talk about my issues properly, in pure text but I miss more diagnosed people on the board. There are many smart non-ADDers here, no doubt, but in the end they still don't have the diagnose.

gigs26's picture

Submitted by gigs26 on Thu Jan 27th, 2011 - 6:24pm

(1) Set up one appointment with a therapist to map out how to address your ADHD.

It’ll probably take 30 minutes. Talk about what you feel are your biggest challenges, what kinds of treatment you know of, are interested in, are absolutely NOT interested in, and ask for suggestions. A therapist will know local resources, and can help you sort out what might be most helpful for you to focus on NOW. So you’re not stuck choosing from therapy/medication/coaching/PDAs/fish oil/yoga/meditation/support groups/everything-else-that-might-be-helpful on your own. A therapist can also talk with you about what “successful” treatment of your ADHD will look like, for you.

(2) Check out Dr. Ari Tuckman’s More Attention, Less Deficit: Success Strategies for Adults with ADHD – book or podcasts (free on his blog and free on iTunes).

I listen to them on my commute. They’re short, practical, funny, and well organized so you can easily find advice on a particular area (getting to work on time; keeping in touch with family; relationships).

(3) Go to a support group for adults with ADHD.

Go once to see what it’s like. CHADD's website lists local, free groups.  People there will know local resources, and you will have guaranteed yourself ONE WHOLE HOUR (or whatever) thinking about your life with ADHD, which is good. If you like it, go back the next time; if not, skip it.