defensiveness

Conversations go all wrong when we inadvertently invalidate our partners (or worse, do so on purpose!)  Lots of people are confused about what “validating” means – they think it means “agree with” or “empathize with,” neither or which is accurate.  So I want to try to clarify what validation is, and why it’s important by sharing some examples.

Do you, like many other couples, find yourselves arguing over whether or not something happened a certain way in the past?  Whether or not you’ve discussed a specific subject?  Wondering whether your partner was actually THERE when you were talking about something with him or her?  If so, you’ve probably experienced the “he said/she said” argument – the one that goes like this:

One of the most common problems in couples in general and in couples where there is ADD in particular is the inability to make changes.  This is vexing because, as they say in AA, if nothing changes, nothing changes. 

I’m spending quite a bit of time these days thinking about how to get men with ADHD to realize that their ADHD affects those around them more than they think.  At least two men I can think of who have ADHD say they wish someone (other than their wives) had “hit them upside the head” with information that would convince them that their ADHD was causing real problems.

Hello!  Ned Hallowell here. I  wanted to address a theme I see in MANY posts, and in my practice all the time.  It is the problem of the husband who refuses to entertain that he might have ADD, that he might be contributing to the marital problems, that he might benefit from a consultation with an expert.

We had this post from one of our readers and wanted to write a bit in response about the defensiveness many men feel when approached about having ADHD and/or going on medication.  The post: