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by: Swedish coast -
I'm sorry about this. If you think you have ADHD, is it maybe a good idea to get a professional evaluation as soon as possible? I don't think you should listen to your wife when it comes to your possible diagnosis, she might not be capable of giving thoughtful advice since everything is so turbulent at the moment. I'd prioritize evaluation as soon as possible, since it's important to you whatever the future of the marriage. If you do have ADD, that will also put a new thing on the table in your marriage...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD in both partners one undiagnosed
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by: ADHD1488 -
Have you read or listen too ADHD affects on marriage by Melissa. What I keep hearing is don't try harder try different. Like try and be more affection and kinda with words and the way you speak to him, nagging it's the worse thing you can do and you will be meet with possibly anger and frustration by him. Try and speak during the day when he won't be as tired or that overwelmed so a weekend day will possibly be best.>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: J -
What ever you choose to do, I know you'll be okay. As you said, you won't be forced to do so.>>> on Forum topic - Guilt in disassociation....The effects!
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by: Swedish coast -
C, I'm relieved you have filed for divorce and hopefully will have a more rewarding situation soon. I know you said you loved your wife long after you stopped trusting her with your well being. That love, and acceptance, is more than I (impatiently) have ever been able to give. Even though you might now feel it's humiliating she has made herself too comfortable at your expense, I hope after some rest, you'll see the beauty of what you gave of your own free will. Your good intentions and great patience,...>>> on Forum topic - Guilt in disassociation....The effects!
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by: J -
Off the Roller, Everything I've been doing ( here ) lately has been because of that "enough is enough" feeling. And I didn't want to leave either. Just because I have ADHD doesn’t mean I'm not negativity affected by another person who has it too. Maybe worse, IDK? But my reality is/was the same as yours. I needed to figure out what I could accept and what I couldn't accept in order to be realistic first. Being realistic for me was understanding what I could reasonably expect to change ( or not ) and...>>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough
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by: Off the roller ... -
So also, I want to add that while it's been tough, I'm glad that I've been awakened to taking my responsibility for my part and role in this. It's been a tough pill to swallow, but I can see now that I'd rather know this, work to change and be the best person I can be. If you've ever read Mark Manson's 'Subtle Art of not giving a f**k' book, it's a hard read, but really, really good and transformative (in my opinion) in regards to self development. Just knowing and accepting that you can literally die at...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Anxiety families
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by: Off the roller ... -
So I definitely feel the link, see the link, experience the link. But how to communicate that to someone else - who has ADHD - has been the difficult part. We can do so much work on ourselves and how we want to show up in this world, and specifically through Melissa's resources and information in taking responsibility for our own side of the street..... however I am finding that no matter how much I sweep up my side of the street, my DX spouse's trash is continuously seeping onto my road. That's the best...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Anxiety families
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by: adhd32 -
What is he doing right now to improve your relationship? I went back and read your posts and it seems to be nothing. You cannot fix this by yourself nor can you cause someone else to change...if only he would... You must accept him as he is. It is difficult to leave and upend your world but expecting him to be someone different is unrealistic. He is showing you who he is, believe him.>>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough
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by: Swedish coast -
J, those are clever and also funny observations! Of course a diagnosis would mean reevaluating the past as well. And your impressions before and after diagnosis would both be true. It's comforting to find you and I can share this. Thank you for answering.>>> on Forum topic - What we lost
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by: J -
It may sound funny coming from the "other side"...the nuerodivergent one with ADHD. But I can relate with everything you're saying. Mostly and simply because I've been there before. More than once! And I'm not taking strictly about getting divorced which I have twice. I'm talking about the experience of learning you have ADHD, then it suddenly occurs to you that everything you thought you knew is wrong. Everything you thought you knew about yourself, your family, your friends and a lifetime of memories...>>> on Forum topic - What we lost
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by: Swedish coast -
If you want to work on the marriage and think he will want it too, then maybe counseling is the next step instead? Divorce is so painful and after it I have grieved so much for not having been able to save the marriage. I did absolutely all I could. I tried everything - counseling both individually and couples, treatment evaluation for my ex, reading books, having endless conversations with him and with my network... I'm glad now that I did all that. I wanted to save the marriage, is was my top priority...>>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough
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by: Off the roller ... -
Thank you to everyone, it feels so scary and sometimes we have to sit in the scary ans sometimes we have to move. But for me, we haven't been to couselling or ANYTHING. literally. We've done nothing to fill our relationship bank and its about broaching the subject of what to do. Or at least being brave enough to state where I am right now. That's really scary for me.>>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough
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by: adhd32 -
Will It Get Better is correct. Plan ahead. Get your ducks in a row. Find out the laws and what you are entitled to. Know what child custody and visitation you want before the big blow up because negotiating will be impossible once you say it out loud. Preparing and educating yourself is your best move. A good offense is the best defense.>>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough
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by: Swedish coast -
I hold no judgment about being a victim, in a way I really think we are victims when we live with a person who cannot consciously choose their way in life but are led by their neurodivergence. It forces us to make decisions in order to avoid disaster instead of building the life we want. It's a major disfigurement of your life and mine and we can't help it. I agree with Will It Get Better, take precautions. Talk to a lawyer. Brace yourself. Perhaps look for a friend to stay with for a little while if you...>>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough
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by: Will It Get Better -
Before anything else, consult with an attorney to review your options and develop a prospective plan. You have to expect the 'notice' will begin an explosive period. Prepare in advance for that possibility.>>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough
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by: Off the roller ... -
Thank you for writing this. I'm in a dark place at the moment - thr hopelessness part of thr dark space to be exact.and I appreciate your vulnerability and your thoughts. It's so so tough, isn't it??>>> on Forum topic - Today's thoughts
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by: Off the roller ... -
This is so painful it hurts Swedish. I'm exhasted and just sick and tired of being sick and tired...because of him. But im not a victim and I know that. But this is really really hard.>>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough
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by: Swedish coast -
There's no good time for telling quits I think. There's always a holiday or a celebration that needs to be the first after such a decision. Which means whenever you decide, it's time. My doctor recommended divorce, which was why I decided to take the plunge. It was good to have a professional contact, if only briefly, at that time. I was advised to not hide the news from children once divorce was decided, but let them know at once. How to go about a thing like this will be best decided by yourself. My...>>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough
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by: Off the roller ... -
So not sure what country you are in (as I am not in America) but I wanted to share what has helped me as we have started thid journey: Keeping in mind we don't have a teenager. There is a main government ADHD website here that does online parent support groups. I find them so helpful. I've also joined some communities (online) for depression and loving and living with someone with depression. They have covered when ur kids have depression too and adhd. They've been a godsend. I have found some...>>> on Forum topic - Support group for parents?
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by: Swedish coast -
ADD (severe, with anxiety and depression) in my partner has made me hyper vigilant, afraid of friends I used to love, anxious about social gatherings, anxious that my children will receive too little of just about everything good I want for them, anxious that nobody likes me anymore. It's extinguished my former career, damaged relations to my family of origin, severed contact with a wider social network, and most of his family. I've been anxious about every weekend, every celebration. I had a brief period...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Anxiety families
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