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Whether or not my SO ( might ) have BPD, an explanation I found, fits our pattern very well. I also found my contribution which seems to make perfect sense.

Key words:

Fear of engulmemt vs engulmemt. 

First, I want to explain ( lol ) that there's a   difference between : over sharing, verbal processing ( repeating stories that are complaint in nature ie: venting ) and over explaining ...which is what I do constantly.

Today, I had a follow up visit to the Dr about my ADHD meds and how the chang over is working: Adderal / Wellvutrin to Vyvanse / Zoloft.

 As far as this switch, it seems to have gone pretty smoothly. I'm not experiencing the depression that I was with no apparent adverse side effects to speak of. 

 But I'm also experiencing a few new changes on the negative side.

So I’ve come to a place today where emptiness stretches out around me.

I’ve almost accepted divorce, the loss, the grief, the void where children disappear every week.

“There’s the saying that you can’t serve two masters at one time because you will love one and loathe the other,” says Dr. Childs. “Usually, when we enter into affairs, there’s either a lack of communication in a relationship, our needs are not being met, or it’s become so routine that we need an escape and we need something exciting. That exciting new thing may come in the form of this ‘new relationship,’ but what we’re not recognizing is that it’s all a fantasy.”

I would like to know why people afflicted with ADHD are sometimes averse to therapy.   I am at my wits end with my fiance and would absolutely try a last ditch effort to save our relationship as we have been together 8 years and engaged for 3.   But he refuses to go to therapy as he says he has done  "many cognitive therapy sessions" in the past.  He lives in an unfinished house and quite possibly a hoarding situation as well and will not take my advice to seek new  help, possibly new techniques afforded to those that suffer with ADHD.

I'm the one with this issue, not so much my SO. I'm coming to understand more and more, how this issue of mine is causing problems in my relationships. I realize it's from my past traumas  ( as a survival  strategy ) that was successful at one time.... so learning how to do it now in a comfortable way is hard, at least, because I'm not use to doing it. It's also not easy, when the other person reacts negatively to it.

I wish there were more resources for nons who need to co parent with ADHD co parents. 

I find the stress and sorrow of this arrangement (read non arrangement) is clouding my life, making it extremely difficult to find peace and joy living alone.

Ive decided to not ever try to manage my ex or what he does on his time with children. Instead I deal with a complete void that they disappear into every week. I overburden myself to squeeze in all I can for them on my weeks.

Before I begin...
I hope I am posting this message on the right forum. If not, I am, of course, happy to repost it elsewhere if necessary.

Where to start? As with every story, I think it’s best to start at the beginning.

I'm doing a bit of research on trauma survivors and ran across an article that listed the positives or strengths, of people who are trauma survivors.  If I had any question if I was one or not, this list pretty well defines my strengths. Almost ( if not exactly ) to a tee.