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Hi

I'm new to this so I hope I'm doing this right.

This is the second time I have posted on this site but last time, not really knowing how to do this, it ended up in a strange place in the midst of a thread and probably went unnoticed. I am married to my husband of 21 years who was recently diagnosed with adult ADHD. The background to our story is in my other post under Finances and ADD.

I am a middle-aged adult woman, diagnosed and medicated for moderate ADD the last 10 years.  My teen daughter is also blessed with this gift and her response to medication has been much more obvious.  My very focused and productive husband has adapted to life with an organizationally-challenged but well-intentioned wife.  I don't feel ADD is part of how I define myself, but I'm currently unemployed, which often accentuates my ADD tendancies.  This is creating stress in my family, and recently my husband suggested that I blame ADD as an excuse.  Even my physician sister questions the validit

I am having a hard time "channeling" my frustration and fears. My husband has untreated ADHD. Since I have found this site I read a lot about ADHD, I feel informed but not helped. During our last fight I compaired my husband to a bottomless pit. The last couple of months, every night, he talked about wanting to go on holiday this summer. When I finally booked the trip I thought that would be the end of his repetitive dialogue about him needing a holiday. It lasted one night. The next day he started obsessing about NEXT year's vacation.

So here we are a 62 year old male and a 54 year old female. Clean and sober for 24 years, married for 23 years.  Both “abused” by the mental health system being misdiagnosed with everything from intermittent explosive disorder to borderline personality disorder and most everything else  in-between.

Three months of treatment /medication for ADHD and we are feeling and acting like completely different people. 

We know how to be married with untreated ADHD.   How do treated ADHD people do it?

  My husband and I have been married for 5 years, it started out so well...  He was my #1 fan and supporter, he was my very best friend and he went out of his way to make me feel safe, secure, and appreciated (I observed the same behavior in his dad with his mom.) That is why I fell in love with him and married him. I knew that he had ADD when I married him, he was diagnosed in 9th grade but until very recently I did not realize the enormous impact it has had on our marriage.

My husband takes 450 mg of Wellbutrin XR for depression. He had severe depression on Strattera, and had to stop that. (Honestly, he should have been hospitalized, but we didn't have insurance.)

Then the doctor tried Vyvanse, but he seems to have gotten too tolerant of that, and it didn't work well for him any more. His coach said she couldn't work with him until he got on a better medication to make his brain work better.

My husband has ADD severely.  Our marriage has almost ended many times b/c of it.  I always have to get to my breaking point, and give him ultimatums.  Of course, he does whatever I ask of him for a while and then stops.

As I read these posts I am wonding about the problems that a non-ADHD husband and a ADHD wife have in a relationship. I have been married for 10 years and I was diagnosis with ADHD type 3 when I was 5 years old. I am 40 and I have a 7 year old daughter. I take 160mg of ritalin. I met my husband when he answered my personal ad in the newspaper. He told me about a year after we were married that if he had realized how exhausting being married to me would have been he might have thought twice about it. He was kinda of joking and a little serious.

I have been married for 22 years to a man who was recently (2 months ago) diagnosed with ADHD by a well known psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD in children and adults.  However, he only confirmed what I already knew.  Who can lose his keys everyday for 22 years straight?  Anyway, today was a bad day and prompted this question.  My husband makes stupid statements often, and as if they are not stupid the first time, he repeats them about 5 times in a row.  This is so frustrating and embarassing to our children, especially when said in front of others.