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20+ years of marriage to an ADHD spouse who was just diagnosed about 3 years ago. We have 3 kids who are all teenagers now and still at home. My husband was unemployed for about 6 years and has been employed in a good job for a few years now. He is very smart, creative and talented, and his contributions at work are really appreciated. We have a lot of very typical dynamics in play in our marriage, most notably what I have seen termed the "pursuit-retreat" pattern. This pattern is typical for *anything* that is asked of him outside of his job.

Looking for support and information on how others had their Come to Jesus talk with the ADHD spouse. 

Lately I've been thinking about the partners in ADHD-affected relationships struggling to find their bearings.

Do both the ADHD partner and the non suffer so much from loss of orientation that it can end the relationship?

I seem to read all the time about two individuals who don't share a universe. One feels they are unappreciated and misunderstood and blamed without reason. The other that they are exhausting themselves without reward or effect and their partner behaves like a difficult child.

My long term boyfriend has untreated adhd and refuses to acknowledge it. We've been together for 6 years now but it's been a crazy rollercoaster. He has been unemployed for 4 of those years. He's been through homelessness which I tried to help him through in 2019. I got us an apartment and wanted to get him out of living in his car. But he was really aggressive and toxic when living together that I had to leave him and he moved back with his family. After I broke up with him he has refused to let go and contacted me every single day through email.

Recently diagnosed ADHD father of three with a non-ADHD wife at the end of her rope

I have been married for over 6 years to a non-ADHD spouse and my relationship has become unrecognizable and full of resentment and hatred.

My husband was diagnosed earlier this year and it's been a hard journey. The diagnosis brought up a lot for him and he went into a pretty unhealthy place for a while. I have stood by him, while giving him space to work through things. He has previously been a very good partner for 5 years before being diagnosed. This is all complicated by his small business ownership and that being a point of contention because of the usual financial and hyperfixation issues. But in the last 2 months we have both made progress towards healthier interactions. 

Divorce from my severe ADD husband has come to a pause.

I wonder at my own feelings. I started this divorce. I know I need to finish it. Still what dominates is an urge to reach out for him. Intimately.

He panicked the last couple of weeks. He accused me of horrible things. He was highly aggressive. He said that my feelings, and our agreements, mean nothing to him. Now, he seems to have regained some hope or other. He's then returned to being soft spoken, humble and kind.

I think my husband has undiagnosed ADHD-a lot of the symptoms fit for him.  The symptom that affects me the most is his poor active listening skills.  When I talk, whether explaining something logistical or just sharing about my day/experience, he often makes very poor eye contact, and doesn't respond at all, or goes on to talk about something else.  Of if he does respond, it is more of a canned response like "oh, that's nice", which has started because I've told him I want more acknowledgment.