I was reviewing some research recently for the book I'm finishing up and came across an interesting bit of info that provides insight into why so many with ADHD perceive that "nothing is wrong" while their spouses see things differently.
The bottom line on the research was that adults with ADHD tend to evaluate their performance on various tasks as better than it is. This isn't because they have inflated egos. WE ALL TEND TO EVALUATE OURSELVES AS SOMEWHAT ABOVE AVERAGE. The difference comes when you measure the self-evaluation against actual performance. When you do this, you see that the gap between "perception" and "reality" is bigger with ADHD adults than non-ADHD adults. Those with ADHD perform below average across a wide range of skills.
This particular research, done in 2005, had to do with driving. Both adults with ADHD and adults without ADHD were asked to evaluate their driving capabilities. Both groups judged themselves to be slightly better than average, just as expected. But evaluation of the actual driving histories showed that the ADHD adults performed worse than normal. The implication of this for couples is this: the ADHD spouse in your partnership is likely to think he or she does things "better than average" simply because that's human nature, not because he's being stubborn or thoughtless. Don't hold their being out of touch with reality against him or her or criticize their inability to self-evaluate. We all tend to exaggerate our skills. Instead, agree to rely on concrete ways to measure actual performance (in this case driving records) to understand whether or not perception meets reality. No excuses allowed! If the performance doesn't match the perception, agree it's time to alter the perception and do something about it.
Some examples:
Perception: "I think I'm a pretty good bill manager." Performance: "1/3 of bills are paid late and incur fees. The phone got turned off last week for two days."
Perception: "I'm a good driver." Performance: "Two speeding tickets in the last year."
Perception: "I'm great with the kids." Performance: "Between work and other obligations, spent a total of 25 minutes with the kids last week, though they had lots of fun together during that time."
A note here - It's a smart idea to work together to set up what a good set of measures might be. Though you might not initially agree on all measures (is a "clean" countertop one that sparkles or one that is simply cleared of all dishes?) discussing what constitutes reasonable measures can clarify expectations and increase your mutual chances for success.
Once perception and reality are more in line, the next step is to start creating strengths-based strategies for making changes that will stick. Some examples:
- A person who responds well to auditory signals might set a computer alarm to go off once a week on Saturday at 8am for bill paying. Paying bills weekly would eliminate late fees. So would setting those bills up for autopay.
- A husband looking to be more involved with his children could "schedule" 3 specific nights a week for 30 minutes of bedtime stories or two days a week of instrumental practice sessions, card games or homework help.
So, gaining insight into the "normality" of misjudging one's performance can help you focus your energies around what's really important - creating measurably better performance, rather than spending time trying to improve the accuracy of that initial perception.
- MelissaOrlov's blog
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my turn
history: wife, DI, not add. husband (me) add.
subject: my turn.
my wife reads these messages routinely. she brings them home for me to read. at this time i figure it is my turn to put something out there. off all things to a.d.d. there is the good and the bad. i think i will go trough a list of good and bad.
i have always wanted to do stand up comedy. i think a.d.d. will make a great routine. as for a.d.d. i have thought of a good ending to a routine i have yet to figure how to start out with. it would end along the wording of "a great way to a woman's heart is a little ritlalin and a little bit of viagara. that way one's attention is pointed in all the right directions." the draw back to this is that some people don't that much funny in add. lets move on.
here is a good question. which would come first: a.d.d. or p.t.s.d.? this is based upon the following. i was
Hits the nail on the head
This ties into so many issues, too: the accusations by ADDers that their non-ADD spouses are being overly critical, for one.
Melissa, every time I read your blog entries, I think "I wish my husband would read these!" He's one of the many who has been diagnosed, but is receiving very limited treatment (meds only, and then therapy from a psych who doesn't understand the disorder and blamed everything back on me - !), and refuses to take responsibility for what his ADD did (and does) to himself, me, and our marriage. I wonder if any of these posts would ever resonate with him, and help him to see what has been going on, but I don't think he's going to get that far anytime too soon. It's depressing to watch my marriage dissolve before my eyes, and my husband (and me) continue to suffer, but you can't make someone "see."
Been there
I know what you mean. My husband and I have been married thirty-three years. He was diagnosed with ADHD about seventeen or so years ago. I was the one that figured out (from research and more research, even going to ADD meetings) that my husband had
ADHD. I knew something was not right. I went everywhere for help. He had made so many people made at church that I really could not even go there for help. We finally started going to Psychiatrists, but they would say I was the problem. I started thinking maybe I was. We had three children (grown now) that I would try to keep quiet, not let them bother their Dad. I tried to handle all family issues by myself. I was killing myself with guilt because I felt like I was tearing the marriage apart. We finally found someone who would give my husband some Ritalin. My husband told me he was taking it. Later, I found out he wasn't. The only way I knew was I had to start counting his pills. I finally got up my nerve to face him with the fact. He admitted it after lieing so long. We have gone to many marriage counselors, Psychiatrists, and Psychologists, but he will never do what they say. We are going to someone new who has given him a different medication. I have held out hope forever, but one thing I know, my husband is not going to listen until HE decides it is needed.
All too familiar
BreadBaker-everything you said really resonated with me. My husband will periodically agree that he needs help, but there is zero follow-through. He is a master at deflecting blame and I am at my wits end. He is destroying our marriage and he is oblivious to the damage he causes to me and our children. I agree that you can't make someone "see, " but it is so frustrating to watch it all play out knowing that so much heartache is avoidable if he would only seek some help. I really don't know how to reach him and I feel so lost and angry.
Breadbaker
I've read a few of your posts, and I think you are walking a similiar path as myself as the non-ADHD. One of my greatest struggles with my ADHD wife is accountability. She takes no accountability for her poor behavior. To be frank, I do think most ADHD have narcissistic qualities and frankly have a bully like mentality. They justify their poor behavior by minimizing their non-ADHD spouse or others.
I'm a believer that the non-ADHD spouse must protect their 'self' first from this roller coaster ride. They will rob you of your 'self' and if this happens the life of a non-ADHD becomes very difficult. We need to keep in mind we are dealing with people who are not rational in mind, and I'm not saying this to be mean. They have a problem, but they own it. I think to survive, you have to find ways to work around the disorder, which allows you to survive. The fact of the matter, even with meds, therapy, etc...my wife can easily get off center, and I remind myself that I must do everything I can to keep her centered, while at the same time protecting my 'self'...
I hope this helps. What I'm saying is easy in theory, but very difficult to act on. I have to forgo many things in my marriage to survive in it. I have zero expectations that my ADHD wife will make drastic changes to meet my needs. I gave up on that sometime ago. To fill that void, I do things that make me happy. I tell myself turn a negative into a positive. I've traveled to places, run marathons, coach my kids, developed new hobbies, etc...This happened because I took action and said 'no more' chasing the rabbit.' With what I've been through with my wife, I'm a believer that each person should first take care of 'self' first. Do this, and greater chance of happiness...
thanks for your post
It has taken 3.5 years of my 5 year marriage to realize how broken I am and understanding how important it is to take care of my needs. My wife has adhd...........survival is my new goal.....hopes, dreams and plans for our future are shattered, my expectations of a wonderful life together are "zero".
My wife "checked out" of our marriage 6 months after we were married. You see, we met during her hyperfocus days and married within a year. Our relationship ended as fast as it began......it was indeed, a "fairytale" and one day I woke up and found myself discarded completely from her life. If I could explain my new experience.......it was like my wife moved out in the middle of the night and someone completely opposite 180 degrees moved in.....she looked like my wife and even wore the same clothes as my wife......but it was all different. The first week of this change was difficult for me, I would try to ask questions only to be met with cold, callous, empty answers and blame.
At the time, I had no knowledge of adhd and spent months of sleepless nights with my new "roomate". Over time, my dignity, self respect and loss of self, just to mention a few are gone. I am emotionally and physically exhausted......thanks so much for helping me realize I need to take care of myself first...........and hopefully happiness will return.
I couldn't agree more. My
I couldn't agree more. My life has been much like your's and breadbaker's. I, too, got off of the roller coaster ride several years ago and started taking care of myself for a change. I told my ADHD husband that it was his choice whether he followed my path or went down his own path. I think deep down he is still trying to decide what to do. I see an unhappy, confused, resentful, full of regret man and I don't know if that will ever change.
I'm right there with you,
I'm right there with you, BreadBaker. I wish my husband would read the posts on here more often, too. It sure would help him, in solving some of the problems but he just doesn't want to accept the help that he knows he needs from anybody. That's what is frustrating. I noticed that my husband had an issue with perception vs performance, long before he received his diagnosis. I would ask about a task he was suppose to "complete". Of course, the task would not be completed but he would come back with his answer that at least he had started the task or had done this much of it or that much of it. Also, because of our financial situation right now, he doesn't get to go have "fun" anymore so now as a way to vent his frustration he'll say things like at least I'm home and not out chasing women. His perception, with this comment, is his idea that he is not spending any money. I am beginning to hate that comment. Why can't he just realize that all of his "fun" in the past was the main reason for our financial problems and comprehend that that is why he can't have fun anymore??????
My add partner has read a few
My add partner has read a few posts on here, but he says it doesn't apply to him. That's because everyone is different, and when he has read some posts, parts of it describe him and other parts don't apply (according to him I should say). So he holds out hope that his add is different and not an issue. Until he reads a post that describes him to a tee, as he sees it, he'll never accept that there is a problem.
Sometimes, when he is in a good place mentally he will say that he sees his behaviour causes problems. Well, what he actually says is that he sees it makes me unhappy. He doesn't actually accept that some of his behaviour might be the problem. So as I see it he is in denial. I can understand why it is difficult for him to accept and acknowledge that some of his behaviour just doesn't make sense (to the rest of us). He sees it as somehow making him less of a man.
I try to focus on the positives. I have read a lot of books about ADD to try and at least in some way understand what goes through in his mind. The books have helped a lot, as has talking with his phsychologist and other professionals, but I still have a lot to learn.
That sounds familiar
I think my husband sees himself as the exception to every rule. It's not because he's trying to be mean--I think he's just having a problem coming to terms with having done things (or having let his ADD do things) that were hurtful to others.
After I broke up with my
After I broke up with my ADHDer you know what he said to me....
"I always knew that what I was doing made you upset but I never saw a big deal in any of my actions"
This came from the same person who started receiving treatment and compared being diagnosed as a blind man being able to finally see.
I wish.....
I really wish my husband would realize how much better things would be for him if he just admitted that he has ADD or at least look in to it. Our son has ADHD and intermittant explosive disorder. My son is so much better now that he is receiving treatment and medicatioin. He has friends and they ask him over and to do things with them. That never happened before. Actually, it was my husband who would NOT let me take my son for an eval until I insisted a year and a half ago (he was 12). My son is very happy with his life now (we are working on it together).
When my son asked my husband (jokingly) if he had taken his ADD meds yet that day, because he couldn't find whatever (again), my hubby freaked out. He said that he would never take those drugs because they cause liver damage.
THIS IS WHAT I AM UP AGAINST!
Here We Go Again...A new year ANOTHER round!
I am so profoundly overwhelmed, I don’t know who to talk to.
Here we go again! I tried to do the all business approach with ADHD Husband and here I sit, after having filed for the dissipation of assets as he NOW more greatly than ever attempts to maliciously destroy everthing that we worked together to have. HIs PERCEPTION is that I am "getting over financially" DESPITE giving him all the figures...he beleives IN THE CRACKS, I am getting over! Yet, FOR SEVEN YEARS the bills have been paid on time and yet, now that he is on his own...no taxes paid, phone turned off and bills late. THATS just on his own... NOW, he wants to take over the business.
I am so profoundly overwhelmed and hurt. Help me understand how I am suppose to work around this deficiency. Tell me how I am suppose to communicate to this individual. If you read my history, I have tried EVERYTHING, EVERYWAY to be ration to our personal relations, our parenting and NOW to our business and EVERY SINGLE TIME… I am hit with a barrage of nonsense! Absolute nonsense that I have to CLEAN UP.
I can not afford the legal route again… 7k later and then only for him to CHANGE HIS MIND and see the light, that I AM...better with the kids.
I need a hotline of some sort as I need to talk, I just just don't know how to get this man to a rational state of mind that can PROCESS informaiton.
I wish I could give you a
I wish I could give you a hug. I know how frustrating it is to see everything you worked for slowly drip away (or sometimes gush).
DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF.
Search for help for you, meanwhile search NEUROFEEDBACK or BIOFEEDBACK. I JUST READ AND ARTTICLE IN psychcentral.com, about the benefits that this therapy is giving to children in the area of focusing. Unfortunately if your husband doesn’t want a treatment the hopes are very little for him and for the entire family. I am facing the same desperation in the last 6 months when I found a love letter he wrote to a young lady he met in Rotterdam. I am confused and I am trying to cope with this dilemma. There are several things I started to do since last summer when he came back in love with another woman (On top all the other thing we had dealing together for years: diabetes, anxiety, depression, job problems, MBA for him, debt, porn addiction, emotional infidelity and “just one kiss” to a ex-girlfriend”).
First I started praying more often and more sincerely on my knees (that is bringing me a peace that I was needing for years and years) I also started reading the scriptures very deeply and under a prayer asking humbly for guides, comprehension and wisdom to know how can apply the lesson in my situation. I also am attending church on time for the sacrament (this is a huge blessing). I found a Psychologist who offers neurofeedback with very little results because my husband doesn’t want to do it. Then I stop persisting in trying that and I made to little trips just to relax, think and enjoy myself. (That was a good investment). I also searched help to start filing divorce and to look for a therapist for me. I sent some resumes to look for a full time job or full time student opportunity or both. I also started to look for a new place to live with my 2 daughters (12 and 10) close to their school (they attend a private school. They do not have school bus) so what ever I do they can walk home after school. Unfortunately I am a foreign US citizens so I do not have close family living near to help out with this routine to drop them of or to pick them up and I cannot trust him to be in charge because he is very forgetful and never on time. And the last think I started practicing is letting him to fix his own day by day problems, first I do not give him any suggestions or offering any help. Foe example if he doesn’t wake up by his own I will not wake him up, if he miss the bus I will not offer him to take him (He usually do not ask for help, he just make a comment of his situation and I use to jump with my help. Now I just ask: “and what are you going to do? What do you decide to do about it? If I don’t like the answers I do not give my opinion. Let me tell you this is not easy to do after so many years doing the opposite. Now if he asks me a favor then I take time to think about it if I want to do it or not, even if I already know I will help him. I think this new approach is helping me to show him that my help has a value and it is not free. Well to finish I would like to suggest you to reed the articles I read recently http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/470704/my_husband_has_add_how_i_live_with.html?cat=60 or just google “My husband has ADD” and will give you several helpful links to read.
GOOD LUCK FOR ALL OF US.
Hotline
The best "hotline" you can get is a local therapist who understands ADHD. This person could give you advice based upon getting to know in-depth your personal situation, unlike a "hotline".
I know exactly what you mean.
I know exactly what you mean. I have been married for 3 years and just lately my husband and I got into a huge argument. All the blame is placed towards me and he says things to me in an argument in such a controlling, threatening manner. he is such a loving wonderful man, but when we disagree a whole other person comes out. He purposely tries to hurt me and says that he does this, later feeling horrible about doing so and making unbroken promises to not continue it. During this last fight he left to cool off came home when he felt like it with no word when he'd be back. he was at the boats and spent money we had saved here at the house. I am a stay at home mom, something we both agreed on and now I feel like he resents me for speaking my mind about using that money. Today he opened a separate account for himself since "i don't respect him, trust him, nor see how hard he works for this family". Everything I compliment on a regular basis. Things were going great, til now. We were getting better, now I am devastated! I do not work how could he move our money into an account of his own?! We had gone through a rough phase where he said he would be there for me only to attack me with very personal emotions and feelings I shared with him, to share with his family. He has done such unbelievably horrid things with words and actions, nonetheless, I've never shared it with my family, because I know that is not the man I married, I know he is regretful and cares for me deeply, but I put him above myself so that he would not feel shame. Totally reconsidering that now because he broke our trust within our marriage by sharing such intimate things with his family about a situation which involves only us. I feel differently towards him, have lost trust, and am shocked at how he is treating me at this moment. It makes me feel like I need to prepare for my future, alone. We have a young child and now I am forced to think about my own income, my own security, all out of this anger from a fight. I'm with you completely. I do not know what to do. Do not know if things will change or if I should leave. I don't want to break apart our family, but he is threatening this marriage by his actions and lack of our bond we should have in this marriage. I wish their was a hotline or a online access way to to speak with others at the moment. I feel so lost, so hurt and so confused. This was not the man I thought I married, when we are good he's wonderful, when we have rough times, he treats me as if I am his worst enemy and as if we are in battle.. its a game to him and he's even said "we can play hardball", I'll win.. thats not how you communicate with someone you love.. I'd love to talk with you and share our experiences, maybe it would help.. i don't know.. i'm so lost
so confused
Someone please help me.... I have been dating a man for 3 years now and he has adhd. We have been living together for two years. He recently stop taking his medicine and I ve notice a change in his behavior. He is short tempered and gets mad at the drop of a dime. He blows up and then acts like nothing is wrong 10 minutes later. He recently seen a doctor that doesnt believe in adult adhd and told him that their should be an end in sight with him taking his medicine. So he stopped taking it and I think he is going nuts. I talked to him about it and he says that he doesnt need it anymore. I really dont think he is aware of his behavior. Sometimes its like he just doesnt care about anything. I really dont know what to do I love him but I want a normal life and lately my life has been nothing but normal. He lost his job 6 months ago started working again and quit this job and is now starting another job. I am so stressed he has no money coming in for a month but doesnt think its a big deal. I dont want to live like this he says this new job is going to be great. One minute we are talking about getting married and the next he is talking about not wanting this realtionship. I am so confused. Is this the life with a adhd person or is he just crazy. I just dont know what to do.
reply to so confused
Unless you are willing to commit to a lifetime of what you are already experiencing....move on. Be glad you are only "dating" and not married. After 30+ years of marriage to an only recently diagnosed adhd spouse, I can tell you first hand that you will have a rollercoaster life of insanity, guilt and pain. Of course there will be good times....but definitely not worth the emotional turmoil and abuse that comes along with the relationship.
may be even worse with kids
Mary, you're right on the nose here -- if my husband hadn't accepted his ADD diagnosis and worked hard with me to deal with it, I'm pretty sure I would have bailed out of my marriage. Even with meds and counseling, it was pretty tough, and I thought many times about leaving -- stayed because I decided in the end it would be better for our kids. But insanity, guilt and pain was really just the beginning -- also despair, frustration, anger, stress were all part of the package. There is no way this even bears a faint resemblance to normal life. And all this misery takes a physical toll on you as well. I was totally, prematurely grey by the time I was 45, I developed a sleep disorder from the stress, and all the fighting/yelling precipitated tinnitus in my ears.
ADHDlove, I'd like to say also that when you add kids to the mix, the situation can become much much worse. I don't know if your idea of a normal life includes having children, but if you think his behavior is bewildering and upsetting to you, think about the impact that behavior is likely to have on a child. It can be an herculean struggle to bring your children up to be relatively normal in this kind of setting, and the repercussions can last for many many years beyond childhood.
I was lucky in some ways -- because my husband's ADD is hormonally linked, he did not show many symptoms until we'd been married for over 10 years. It wasn't till he was approaching middle age that his ADD re-asserted itself (he'd had it as a kid but never diagnosed -- I didn't hear about all the ADD behavior as a child until many years after we'd married). So I "only" had to live with it for five years undiagnosed and 15 years after diagnosis and treatment. We finally separated 4 years ago, when I couldn't take it any more (**even though he had never gone off the meds and stayed in counseling, things were still pretty bad at times**) -- the separation was a very big "wake-up call" for my husband. We got back together again after about a year of separation because he was finally willing to really work hard and seriously on his behavioral problems (and I was willing to work just as hard, if he did). But I have to say that I don't know whether we would have been able to resolve our problems if our children hadn't been grown. The fact that he has had fewer responsibilities since our children became adults has been a major factor in his ability to function better.
So if your "normal life" includes kids, please also bear this in mind!!! I have to say that what you have described does not bode well for your future with this man.
You can love him but,
you won't have a normal life. For almost 30 years I've been waiting for mine to figure out one simple thing or another. It doesn't get any better or easier. If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't. I wish there was half as much available information about ADD back then. I just thought that it was his personality and anybody can learn. Now I know, no, that's not it. He doesn't get it and chances are without some kind of divine intervention, he never will. I'm sorry that I chose to stay every time I wanted to leave. Now I'm stuck... yuck
I understand
I suffer both verbal and physical abuse at the hand of my ADHD wife on a regular basis. One of the hardest things to deal with is the insecurity in the relationship. One moment she says she could never go on with out me and the next she could be telling me she wishes I would die. No matter how good things are at any given moment, I know that two seconds later she may be packing her bags and wishing death apon me. I cope by telling myself the hate and anger is the ADHD caused frustration and although I know she means every horrible thing she says at that moment, I know she also means all the good things she says. I have learned that there is no calming her down and there is nothing I can say to ease her anger. I can only wait for it to pass and hope she doesn't do anything she can't undo while she is in a rage.
RUN FOR THE HILLS
My ADHD/OCD/Bipolar/Tourette's Diagnosed husband still likes to shift blame and resists taking medication. We are still separated (for a year now) but he wants to get back together asap. I find such a notion laughable. He only wants to because he doesn't have a job (out of work for five months) and is getting put out of his apartment. He tells me that I lack compassion because there's not even an ounce of my 110 lbs that tells me to allow him to come home. By the way, he's accumulated an add'l $10K in debt in the past year. My suggestion for him?
Sell the flat screen TV at $700, the DVR $200 and catch up on some great reads. That's rent for January. For February, let's sell your stereo system at $300, your computer at $500 (the Library has free access and closes at 9) and your snowboards at $120. Bamn! There's February. And you've even got a little left over to buy me a rose. Other bills? Let's look at selling your car. We live in one of the most transportation efficient cities in the world, so let's sell the car for $2K, buy a monthly bus pass (unlimited transportation) and pay rent for March, then pay your Mortgage that is currently in arrears (he owns a home in Northern country). WOW. NOW we are rocking and rolling. There are two words for this behavior....it's called....get ready for this Mom and Dad....hold on to your chairs....it's called "HANDLING RESPONSIBILITIES".
But instead of this, Mom & Dad have stepped in to save this far-from-fledgling eagle of theirs. Or are they really "saving" themselves?
One thing that angers me is that I have fought so hard to be a good child and not cause unnecessary hardship on my aging parents... My husband however has parents that will go to hell to find him and give him a refreshing glass of cold water. I sometimes wonder if they respond this way because they know "tough love" with him won't work, that instead of strengthening him it would probably just send him over a cliff? It's a shame, because they're getting older (60's), so how long will they tolerate this? Another reason perhaps is because they feel responsible for the disastrous DNA they gave him (hence the comment "helping" themselves).
I'm not jaded (well, perhaps I am and you know why). I can only do my part. We talk for hours and hours, but no real communication really seems to take place. It's like he talks in his own circles and goes from happiness, excitement, frustration, anger to depression all in a matter of five minutes. It's like watching an emotional rodeo, but most times I'm not sure if he's the rider or the buck...
When he told me that he was moving back home, my spirits lifted immediately. Then I became depressed because I felt that way. Isn't it simply awful to feel that way about someone that you said forever to?
We've tried therapy. He hated the first therapist because she diagnosed him after one session (she was right though, since after thousands of $ later at other clinics confirmed what she knew after only 60 mins...and a free session at that due to health insurance), and also because at the first session when I went alone, she blatantly asked me why I hadn't considered divorce as an option. While the other therapist were much more skilled, he still can't accept his diagnosis. I can understand that, I suppose that would be tough for me too.
I am thrilled there are no children involved...yet that angers me because I did want children. But not at any cost.
All my best....to you real, true 'Wonder Women'.
Follow Your Instincts
Thank you and let me tell you my BRILLIANT idea!!!
Hi Melissa,
Thank you a million for your reply. And also, thanks for finding a way to compliment something I was doing right (often times we feel that nothing we do is ever right). I honestly didn't think I was doing anything right.
At any rate, I made a decision today. I sent my husband an email and told him that I am unwilling to move forward and work at our marriage unless he takes medication, and accepts full responsibility for his issues. I know it wasn't the best approach, but I've tried everything (as one poster put it over a year ago, I've tried the hard sell, soft sell, nothing has worked).
Afterwards, I did the smartest thing I've done since we got married. I went to Target and bought a digital recorder. I have taped eight of our conversations today and I felt like so many lightbulbs came on that I believe my retina suffered some damage here. As I replayed our conversations over and over and over again, I felt validated. I felt validated in that he really is very emotionally and mentally ill, and that my feelings about the way he treats me are correct, and that it is COMPLETELY unacceptable. Completely.
If you are interested in having clips and believe that it would help with your research, please email me.
Thanks again!