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by: c ur self -
I'm really worn out on labels for people....Although I do understand the working of the mind causes people to think and act differently...So it boils down to justification....What is a person going to do or say w/ no convictions to feel or care what the effects of those words or actions do to others.... As for as the cleaning piece, I have heard about this seemingly over the top desire for perfection, although it's not really part of my or my wife's make up on a regular basis...I'm more of a pickup behind...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD or Something Else
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by: Swedish coast -
I think so too. It's too late. If a person with ADHD has been unaware of it during all formative years, they have probably first used all their youthful strength to compensate for ADHD. Then they've started to lean heavily on their spouse, or some other support system, and become increasingly dysfunctional partners, as well as anguished, depressed, and burnt out. Going from there to co-creating a happy fulfilling marriage for both parties? I haven't heard of it yet.>>> on Forum topic - Vent: non-ADHDer exhausted being the valet for ADHD anxieties/needs
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by: J -
When it comes to sex, and our inate drives installed by our creator, like all animals, for the further of our species: Men and women ( male and female ) have installed in them, differences, for that reason only. This creates a drive that feel like hunger and without it, it feels like you might die from hunger. In reality, no one dies from not having sex. The difference between humans and animals is that we have a cerebral cortex, we can make choices and intervene our own instinctual drives. That's how...>>> on Forum topic - Had a Breakthrough
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by: J -
I value your input, especially because it makes me think and helps me process things better...and you've helped me do just that and I appreciate everything you've said. It really helps. In fact, from this post alone, I think I've finally gotten down to what I believe has been so difficult. And sex, still has role, but it's not exactly my issue. I thought about making a post entitled " silence is deafening "...but I might as well explain it here. This came about when my SO and I were discussing the no sex...>>> on Forum topic - Had a Breakthrough
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by: Dagmar -
you think you're on top of things and all hell breaks loose.>>> on Forum topic - Everything is wrong
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by: Dagmar -
This post is just what has happened from Sunday to today. It is just everything. The transmission blew on my car a few weeks ago. I called him to get me. I waited an hour for him. When he got there, he pulled up behind my car, partially blocking a driveway, and then got in my car to see if he could get it moving. He could! So he drove away. With my keys in the ignition, the keys to his car in his pocket and I was stuck in his car (partially blocking a driveway) with his phone. I just had to...>>> on Forum topic - Everything is wrong
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by: Swedish coast -
The description you give would be almost humorous if it weren't for the pain shining through. It seems so chaotic. It would be over the top stressful for anyone. Im so sorry.>>> on Forum topic - Everything is wrong
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by: Swedish coast -
Dear J, In my post I was mainly referring to sexual needs which I imagine are sort of core-ish to us. Or maybe that's a misconception of mine. I thought about people I've known intimately for many decades, and it's striking how alike their old selves they are. Having ADHD, as little as I understand about it, can mean having to work ten times as hard as other people and still feeling others crave change. I'm aware this is unfair. By my post I was trying to defend you a bit, from this constant demand for...>>> on Forum topic - Had a Breakthrough
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by: J -
You made a very concise and insightful opinion in this brief comment that has caused me to reflect, so I'm coming back here to respond. This could be a lengthy reply which I don't have time for but, I wanted to say a couple things at least for the time being. While, I agree with you in part, about the core of a persons inherent God given elements being unchangeable on that level, I disagree that a person cannot change to a large degree. I know this, because I've discovered it to be true. Dr Russel...>>> on Forum topic - Had a Breakthrough
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by: Catterfly -
Hi there, You've described so many of our relationships. I left mine two months ago, after 17 years of marriage and 20 years together. I'm glad you're starting to ask these types of questions much earlier. I spent years trying to fix things myself, but finally came to the conclusion that there's a hard line: will he or won't he engage to work on himself and take responsibility for his ADHD? Like you, I gave my spouse all the tools and support I could find, including Melissa's course. He wouldn't...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD Spouse Won't Get Help
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by: cvb21xdrt -
Thank you for your well-meaning response. I knew that posting a paragraph would not adequately explain the past 11 years, and I'm okay with that. I came to this forum to vent and find support (e.g., normalize my experience). I wish you the best in your journey.>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD Spouse Won't Get Help
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by: cvb21xdrt -
Thank you for sharing your experience and normalizing mine. This has been such a lonely journey, and I haven't talked to family or friends because I don't want to isolate him from our support network. I suppose that is why I came to this forum...to vent and share. Thank you!!>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD Spouse Won't Get Help
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by: Swedish coast -
I appreciate your honesty always. Thank you for sharing too.>>> on Forum topic - A year after divorce
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by: Swedish coast -
Catterfly, I so admire your optimism and energy going through these hard times. I'm sure you're doing this more gracefully than I could ever dream of. I also sense your children will be forever strengthened by the courage you've shown. I hope you've enjoyed the holiday!>>> on Forum topic - A year after divorce
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by: Swedish coast -
I'm so sorry. This sounds hard. You describe how the relationship makes you unhappy and he doesn't try to change this. I understand completely that you consider leaving. To me it doesn't seem to matter which diagnoses are involved, or why he's not making the effort (disability, lack of priorities, inattentiveness, depression, inertia?) You can't have a better relationship if he doesn't optimize his treatment, choose you over the computer and try to create a good life for the two of you. I've had much...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD Spouse Won't Get Help
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by: J -
Hi cvb21xdrt, As I read through this post, I have a handful of questions to ask. Since this is a post in the "Support for the ADHD Partner" and even though I have ADHD, so does my partner. I guess that qualifies my as an ADHD partner too? If you don't mind? If I hear you correctly, you've listed a number of issues ( or symptoms ) that sound like deal breakers, as you've expressed you are close to divorce if you see no improvement from your spouse? Since I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to talk about...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD Spouse Won't Get Help
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by: Swedish coast -
Off the roller, I imagine you are right now pondering your options and it's so hard. Leaving is descending into chaos. Yet, if you leave your marriage, I do think you will be ok. You can find your own way of living that allows you to be the composed lovely woman you used to be. It's not ideal to daily feel distrust, anger and bewilderment at an ADHD partner's behavior. I also feel it's a lot to ask of a non partner to erase those feelings in order to keep status quo. Like your perceptions weren't...>>> on Forum topic - A year after divorce
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by: honestly -
that's so heartening to hear. I'm happy for you, for where you've got to already. X>>> on Forum topic - A year after divorce
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by: Off the roller ... -
Thank you for sharing Swedish. I have so much more to say but appreciate your candor always. Its so refreshing to hear from "the other side" and it solidifies what I think a lot of know, but can be too scared to admit: that if we take those hard steps and make a painful but necessary decision, we will still be ok. X>>> on Forum topic - A year after divorce
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by: Catterfly -
Hi Swedish, This weekend I'll be celebrating your story as we give thanks for all of our blessings here in Canada. I'm about 8 months behind you, and am very much looking forward to the confidence and joy that you describe, as well as the happy kids! You've really taken a brave journey and I'm so very glad to hear that you're seeing the light ahead, finally. Thank you for sharing so candidly with us and helping us all to find our own paths, however they lead. Catterfly>>> on Forum topic - A year after divorce
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