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by: exhaustedkitten -
I mentioned in a comment above that my husband and I had a talk this morning after I had a mental breakdown. It's just hard to see him struggle and then in turn me collapse under the crushing weight of the life responsibilities. I am hoping he can at least meet me a quarter of the way. He's already called a few times seeing if there's anything he can bring me to lessen my stress today. It's not that he isn't a good person, the symptoms need to be managed but he has to make that choice and eventually I have...>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: exhaustedkitten -
I had a mental breakdown this morning and he wanted to know how he could help and I just unleashed everything I was feeling and told him that it's not his fault perse but that it is really hard for me to look at him and know there are things he can do on his part to make our lives better. He said he understood and wants to help so I can only hope that's a step in the right direction.>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: exhaustedkitten -
Thank you for this!!! I needed to hear that I'm not alone as I have been feeling as such for so long. My friends can only identify with me so much and this at least gives me hope that I can be ok!>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: Haveaniceday -
Your post could've been mine. If I knew at your stage what I know now, I would absolutely have left. Kids, finances and getting older makes it much harder, so if those aren't factors then take care of yourself first. I know this sounds harsh, but honestly, the heartache and disappointment you are very likely to endure being married to an in denial and untreated ADHD spouse is no joke. Sending strength and hope you find your clarity soon!>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: swampyankee -
Thank you for this comment, Swedish coast! I ended things with my husband of 22 years in May, whereupon he predictably asked for a "second chance". I foolishly agreed, but the requirements were that he needed to go to counseling for his anger management issues, and to get tested for ADHD. He did go to counseling, but not for anger. And he got to the point where he got a referral to get tested, but never followed through. I gave him Melissa's book to read, and to his credit, he did start reading it,...>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: sickandtired -
If you stay, you are giving up on you.>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: Swedish coast -
I'm so sorry about this. To me, unmanaged ADHD justifies divorce. Your partner might be limited in his self-awareness and also ability to change, and therefore perhaps not entirely accountable. But that doesn't make your situation acceptable. He's not keeping his vows if he exposes you to the effects of his untreated ADHD. That he isn't aware of the impact isn't relevant to the end result for you. You cannot be expected to uphold your end of marital duties alone and see your years and ultimately your...>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: Off the roller ... -
Hey exhastedkitten, you aren't alone in this. I can't type much now but we are twins in our situations. I don't have advice for you. I'm currently in the middle of the same. I've had such a roller coaster of emotions AND we are also dealing with the spending problems AND grief. 2 new packages came today. And all the same existing projects are just sitting in our house..nothing is leaving the house. It's becoming a hoarding house and it's really upsetting bc that's what I grew up in and it's so unacceptable...>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: adhd32 -
Wow this brought back some terrible memories. I too trusted my ADHD H to manage the finances. He read the financial section of noteworthy financial newspapers everyday (before the internet) and seemed to understand things. I was not financially savvy regarding investing and funds etc. Admittedly I should have been more involved or at the very least educated to our finances. We made enough to pay the bills and saved what we could which wasn't much. Tax refunds went to a home repair and improvement every...>>> on Forum topic - Financial Infidelity
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by: J -
I heard the term "emotionally avoidant" used to describe the behavior of shying away, withdrawing ( or whatever ) from emotions, I'm assuming, that are painful or uncomfortable in some way. Instead of labeling a person as "avoidant" as in attachment theory...which sounds clinical and impersonal....Emotionally avoidant is just a description of someone who may avoid painful or intimate feelings because they cause a specific reaction that might be difficult to handle. Anyway, I like that term better than "...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
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by: Swedish coast -
It's easy to see you don't trust him anymore. When trust is gone, there really isn't much left in a marriage, whether there's money or not. I've lost trust too and had to leave. In our case ADHD marriage sure was an unchanging road downward towards disaster. Nothing either of us did helped. And I could blame myself for enabling my ex to rest while I overfunctioned, but what choice was there? He didn't do things because I needed him to, but only if they fitted into his narrow field of confidence. And like...>>> on Forum topic - Financial Infidelity
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by: J -
I remember being told, that the root of word pathetic, is pathos. I'm feeling angry ( again ) but at myself for being pathetic...or pathos....if you like. I was talking about something mundane with my SO last night, and she seemed annoyed. I didn't quite understand why, but I must have shown on my face that I wasn't happy. She even said, I've hurt your feelings haven't I? Not exactly hurt, but frustrated because I was getting that feeling ( once again ) I wasn't getting the entire story especially because...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
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by: Off the roller ... -
I remember learning something from Dr Ramini (the woman who speaks about narcisicm...and she says that closure is overrated. And not needed. It's us wanting to have that last shred of control in the hopes of making someone who treated us badly to treat us better... and from the sounds of it: he might be incapable of that.>>> on Forum topic - The ruin
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by: overwhelmed8 -
Thanks for letting me know>>> on Forum topic - Financial Infidelity
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by: J -
I have a few minutes to share some recent events that I mentioned between my SO and I. The "reconnecting" I was talking about. I also mentioned I got angry, but it was very specific, and I made it really clear. I'd already mentioned the : parent child dynamic, the belittling, and more in general, her talking down to me and disrespectful attitude at times. What made this possible was a plea I'd made, pointing out that I don't do these things with her in fact, I reminded her in all the ways I build her up...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
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by: Swedish coast -
I appreciate your thoughts. I've considered carefully whether I should contact him to make peace. I refrain from it for several reasons, the most important being that he doesn't remember what he's done, doesn't realize the impact of it, and doesn't try to modify the narrative at all. Will an apology from me with none in return make me less hurt? No, it will make for fresh anger and humiliation and set me up for more misery. So no, sadly I long ago lost hope in closure with him. And also, do I actually...>>> on Forum topic - The ruin
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by: Off the roller ... -
Hey I noticed there wasn't anything here - you might have put your post in summary by accident. I do it all the time!>>> on Forum topic - Financial Infidelity
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by: J -
As I remember it ( during the time I grew up ) ...not only did every child not get a trophy, you were lucky not to get a poke in the eye with a blunt stick for your troubles. Lol>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
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by: c ur self -
Please don't take this wrong...It's just a question that I am throwing out for you to consider...I have read a LOT of your posts, I feel your pain!...In marriages both parties get it wrong from time to time...(act react) When it gets dysfunctional, coming from laziness, anger, disrespect or what ever...The knee jerk reaction is to point it out, hoping they care and will correct it...But if not we end up so many times taking on bigger and heavier loads, struggle w/ anger, even bitterness can happen...(I've...>>> on Forum topic - The ruin
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by: J -
to this behavior? I don't have time to give your comment the justice it deserves...maybe I come back....but, yes....we're all very different even having ADHD. And I can't even to begin to imagine behaving that way. It's foreign to me, so I can't put a label on it other than purely self centered as you say. I immediately ask myself: how does someone, who's had any discipline in there upbringing or been taught any lessons in their childhood on the concepts of right or wrong in basic social behavior ever get...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
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