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by: ADHD1488 -
It was that fact that my wife has been talking to this person aswell which I found out the day before, I have no problem with her fantasying if it's just that but she acted on it is the problem. My wife has never had a problem having an orgasm with me and even saying my name when at climax so I don't think their is a problem with that. She has said that I'm emotionally and intimately the best she's had. I know she's not lying because her ADHD or autism doesn't allow her to lie even white lies that's why...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD in both partners one undiagnosed
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by: J -
"Then she woke up just before I was leaving for work today and cuddled me again as I slept on the sofa last night, but I felt disgusted at the though that she may have masterbate over him last night then down here cuddling me before work." I'm not a an expert on this subject, nor, do I pretend to be but, as I read this last sentence a few things came to mind. I have come to my own personal thoughts on matters like these which I don't assume are shared by everyone. Having said that, I have a few questions...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD in both partners one undiagnosed
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by: c ur self -
Real love is easy....It's two people fully respectful of one another, sharing faithfully, lovingly, and honorably in this life together...Demand for yourself a healthy environment, if that mean's alone, then so be it....There is never a good reason to allow ourselves to be used and manipulated, because we make someone else's life easy!....That is mental and emotional abuse....I don't mean not do the right thing for children....But children must have safe environments, so the adults must be safe people, w/...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD in both partners one undiagnosed
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by: c ur self -
It's control, and the refusal to accept the reality of others (No matter how screwed up those realities are)....Much of my suffering (as is your's at this point in time) has been my demand to make it better! Until you (as I had to) STOP attempting to fix or worry about things out of your control, you will never take a calm hold on your own life....Never feel like you must respond or address things that aren't respectful or fruitful...When adults demand to live out things we would never mimic or touch...We...>>> on Forum topic - Struggling with co-dependancy
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by: ADHD1488 -
I have found out that she started talking to the person she was fantasying over 2 days before we separated and turns out she has done this with him before many years ago before we met. She is telling me he lives in another country and what she is doing isn’t wrong. She’s acted on a fantasy weather he’s in another country or not. I feel like she doesn’t want me but doesn’t want me to leave so she doesn’t have to look after the kids on her own etc. I have had this in the pass but because she has told me...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD in both partners one undiagnosed
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by: J -
"Making what you're doing fit the piece, not, trying to fit the piece to what you're doing" This may sound like an obscure post about football, but it's much more than that. This post is about a universal truth....a secret of the universe...about how God works. When you do things in alignment with universe, things always seem to work. When you don't, things don't work as well and its an uphill battle. Last night, the University of Oregon Ducks football team played the culmination of their season this...>>> on Forum topic - Intention and Consistency
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by: CookieCutter -
I don't have much to add other than to say I am so sorry. Only been married 5 years, and no kids, but you sound a lot like my wife. If it is any consolation, your husband knows how much you are suffering and feels terrible I am sure, but this is an uphill battle for him too. Has he read Melissa's book?>>> on Forum topic - Struggling
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by: Squirrel72 -
I just joined this group, so late to respond, but I completely understand how you feel. My wife has ADHD and I struggle to not be the parent and not be chronically angry at all the unfinished or neglected things around the house. I also have an ADHD young son, and my wife and him love to argue and see who can get the last word, which doesn't make for a calm household. After 13 years of marriage I'm exhausted dealing with ADHD, but trying to work through it and stay together. I love her, but living with her...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD spouse venting
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by: Swedish coast -
I don't know what your mother said in the voicemail, but I know how it is to have a very difficult situation with a spouse while extended family expects you to take every initiative with them too. I've had serious disruption in my family of origin parallel to the decline of my ADD husband's mental health and the marriage. I wish I'd known the following: 1) No, family doesn't grasp the misery of your marriage. No they aren't very interested in learning about it. No they don't see you need support. No they...>>> on Forum topic - Struggling with co-dependancy
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by: J -
That's the light touch. In my work, the ones who "need work", we call them heavy handed. I always tell people that if you're having to use a lot of muscle, you're usually doing something wrong. Finesse comes from making what you're doing fit the piece...not trying to fit the piece to what you're doing.>>> on Forum topic - Intention and Consistency
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by: c ur self -
Negativity is a diease, it creates bitterness...So yes, by all mean's rejoice over self awareness, and self discipline by both parties...We understand that many of our successes can be temporary...But, these moments are critical to hope and well being....They also teach where boundaries are needed when things breakdown...>>> on Forum topic - Is it normal
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by: Swedish coast -
I happen to be deeply interested in art and creative processes. It's funny, but most art I appreciate, is made with a very light touch. The artist has made themselves a vessel, allowing something to happen beyond their control. I don't know if this applies to other things. But as C says, we might try so hard to be that better version of ourselves. It's difficult and painful to be less than you wanted. I imagine the determined work might not always help us achieve perfection. Instead, at the times I've...>>> on Forum topic - Intention and Consistency
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by: c ur self -
The second part of your story is probably a big part of the first part of your story....Every man or women we meet that we have an instant attraction to is perfect!...Thus the masterbating w/ him in mind....We don't see their issues as real human's (selfishness, terrible spouse's, parents, it's a perfect fantasy land) It's also evident she is disappointed in your abusive treatment of the child (Her child!)....Why would a wife tell her husband she is having fantasy sex w/ another man, unless she is hoping...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD in both partners one undiagnosed
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by: c ur self -
When our relationships end up in mutual reasoning or judgments as it relates to what makes each other tick...It's a clear indicator that the nasty truth isn't humbly being communicated....When we lose (or never have) the ability to speak self truths to each other, no matter how much we would like it to be different, we just revert to ton's of unfounded assertions as we look for answers.....Like the old commercial use to say..."A mind is a terrible thing to waste"....But that is exactly what happen's when...>>> on Forum topic - Intention and Consistency
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by: Swedish coast -
Oftentimes I think a relationship with loving intention will feel right no matter how much ADHD is in the mix. This is the reason we all try so hard to save our marriages, why we can't comprehend the thought of splitting the family. I think it's important to remember this. And for many, of course the neutral and good times are what will sustain the marriage through harder times. It's nice that you tell this part of your story too.>>> on Forum topic - Is it normal
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by: J -
I'm feeling the same way. Boring is good, it's a sign that things are stable. Peaceful is a better alternative to saying boring for me.>>> on Forum topic - Is it normal
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by: ADHD1488 -
May I also add that in my previous relationship I had the same issue with being parented and being told the same. But that relationship ended because I couldn't stand being cheated on anymore. My wife and son are both medicated but on both holidays this year they were both off their medication and we argued so much. I felt so stressed trying to cope with them not on medication. I'm not saying this is the reason why we are here at this point but as my problem to not able to cope with them not on their...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD in both partners one undiagnosed
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by: ADHD1488 -
Thank you My Wife can be spontaneous thats one thing I love about her and her ADHD. Don't get me wrong she has told me so many times over the years what the problems are but I think it's the parenting that she has been doing and iv let her do over the years I have not listen to her like people with ADHD and people with ODD do. I don't think my wife has done anything wrong and don't blame her. For her having to deal with her ADHD, our sons ADHD and having to parent me aswell, she is also a pharmacist so...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD in both partners one undiagnosed
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by: Swedish coast -
I'm sorry about this. If you think you have ADHD, is it maybe a good idea to get a professional evaluation as soon as possible? I don't think you should listen to your wife when it comes to your possible diagnosis, she might not be capable of giving thoughtful advice since everything is so turbulent at the moment. I'd prioritize evaluation as soon as possible, since it's important to you whatever the future of the marriage. If you do have ADD, that will also put a new thing on the table in your marriage...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD in both partners one undiagnosed
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by: ADHD1488 -
Have you read or listen too ADHD affects on marriage by Melissa. What I keep hearing is don't try harder try different. Like try and be more affection and kinda with words and the way you speak to him, nagging it's the worse thing you can do and you will be meet with possibly anger and frustration by him. Try and speak during the day when he won't be as tired or that overwelmed so a weekend day will possibly be best.>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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