Recent forum posts (all topics)

Hi everyone hope this is the right place. I'm looking for some help. My marriage is at breaking point at this moment in time. When I first meet my partner she had undiagnosed ADHD and her son also ( he was 3 at the time ) . Jump a few years ahead and they were both diagnosed with combined ADHD. We now have a child together now so their are 4 of us. 
 

"Art without intention is just an accident"

This was a phrase I learned long ago about doing art which is absolutely true. If you're just throwing paint on a canvas ( or whatever ) and it just happens to come out looking okay, there is no intention, that's just an accident. Like rolling the dice and hoping it comes up the numbers you want. That's just gambling, it's not a calculated risk. Same idea.

What happen's to the nervous system of adults who allow the living of lives, not their own, to have a repeated negative impact on themselves? People who we chose, by association, (spouse, parent, child, friend) to engage with, who's words, and behaviors a lot of the time can be wrong, intrusive, abusive, but are excused, justified, and for the most part never truly owned, and may be delivered w/o remorse, or apology?

I am at my wits end today, the frustration and anger is sitting in my stomach. We didn't even have a fight, it just that back and forth of toxic crap that I've realised I've had enough. Like, truly. Enough. Behaviour is a language and he clearly doesn't want to be with me or be a family or anything. And im paralysed. Just frozen and not sure what tomorrow should look like. When I wake up do i just say those words? That I've had enough and I don't want to do this anymore?? What has anyone else done? This just feels so weird and doesn't feel like it's coming from a place of fear or sadness.

I would love to know how many non-ADHD spouses have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

This subject is not really that relevant to this site, but I'm kind of desperate! While I don't always post here, I have found this site to be a life-saver, a sanity-maintainer, a reality-checker and an amazing source for new ideas and fresh perspectives on being married to an ADHD'er.

Dear friends, I struggle with how sick my ADD family is. We all seem ridiculously prone to colds, but I was never like this growing up or when I lived alone. I believe ADHD is somehow linked to inflammation. Is there a connection? 

I found a diary note from February 9, which said at least one child had then been home sick every day since New year's. We had also all been ill for a week over Christmas. And now it's the same, at least one, more often two or three, have been at any one time down with flu-like symptoms the last month. 

My wife decided a few months ago that she was going to finally talk to her doctor about medication for her ADHD. Well, that doc was the one that diagnosed my wife well over a year ago, but has since left the practice. This past summer, my wife saw her new primary doc, which was the PA of the old doc. When my wife asked about ADHD meds, the new doc asked if she had been tested, my wife says yes. The new doc asks if she's been really tested with a referral... She hadn't.

This concept has been simmering in my brain for about 8 years now. It immediately resonated when I first heard it named specifically  on this forum ( that long ago ) but it's taken this long to apply it myself and pinpoint why it resonated. Narrowing it down. This is actually huge. Again, this is only how I can apply to myself and no one else. There's also way too many reasons and components to this to write it all down, but simply jotting down in summary form as a: where I am now...in my own understanding is useful as a way to cement this into my head. Just sharing as I usually do.

My partner has ADHD and I find I am constantly reminding him things he needs to do or follow up. He does remember some things but it's so varied and random there is no way of telling what he will and won't remember to do. 

I find it really exhausting as I end up keeping every task in my head and monitoring progress, even if he's said he'll take something on and lead. I can't seem to get the balance of trying to get some equality in life admin, and also not burning out from the management that takes. It feels less anxiety provoking to take it all on but that's not the answer.