Hi everybody. I am new here as I just found this site by googling a simple question... "Why does husband get upset when I ask questions?". I honestly thought it was me or the tone I am using or perhaps the way I ask the question. I am constantly walking on egg shells around him as I don't know what is going to set him off. This morning I went out to warm up my car before work and when I re-entered the house, he asked me a simple question. There was a news story about Joliet, Illinois and he asked me "Does anyone live in Joliet?". I only asked him, Do you mean does anyone I know live in Joliet? Ohhh boy!!! Was that the wrong thing. Within 5 minutes I was told "If you don't want to tell me, you don't have too.", "You are always snapping at me. Just keep at it if you want me to leave" , "Maybe you should just call the lawyer now and get a divorce if that will make you happier." Wait! What???? How the heck did this get so out of hand??? I am in tears as when I try to explain that I only was trying to understand what he was asking, he won't let me talk and donesn't want to listen anymore.
I am sure you all have heard many, many stories. One minute he says I am the best thing that ever happened to him and with the drop of a hat, a wrong look or a wrong word, he thinks I don't care about him or I am ridiculing him. I am trying to be very supportive and even though there are things he does that I know could be done another way... I say nothing and let him do it his way as I don;t want to start another arguement.
What in the world can I do? I would never be able to suggest that he has ADD or ADHD. I would love any suggestions as I want so much to make my wonderful husband happy 24/7 as he really deserves it.
Thanks!!!!
Comments
Minefield!
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Hi everybody. I am new here as I just found this site by googling a simple question... "Why does husband get upset when I ask questions?". I honestly thought it was me or the tone I am using or perhaps the way I ask the question. I am constantly walking on egg shells around him as I don't know what is going to set him off. This morning I went out to warm up my car before work and when I re-entered the house, he asked me a simple question. There was a news story about Joliet, Illinois and he asked me "Does anyone live in Joliet?". I only asked him, Do you mean does anyone I know live in Joliet? Ohhh boy!!! Was that the wrong thing. Within 5 minutes I was told "If you don't want to tell me, you don't have too.",
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You're walking in a minefield. I've been there.
An ambiguous question is given and you don't know how to answer. You want clarification and that annoys them!
I've tried giving a multi-part answer hoping some part "meets the mark". For instance, to answer the Joliet question, I might have said something like, "I don't know anyone who lives in Joliet and I don't know the population numbers, but it's a good-sized city."
It's sad that it has to come to this, but they're not able to accept, in real time, that their question is vague. Maybe a week or two later they'll understand that their question is vague, but not in real time.