Forum topic: new to all of this

The love of my life, my husband, was just diagnosed with adhd a couple of months ago. After researching the subject of adult adhd, I now see how all of the things that seem to have been bringing him down and holding him back lately are in some way attributed to his adhd. He is a loving and educated man with a true gentle heart who does not know the impact this has on my heart. I think he grew up with a lot of shame and pain due to his adhd and the lack of communication in his childhood. He doesn't have his parents to turn to, only me. I am a strong woman and lately my husband has been suffering from depression and lack of interest in our life due to his adhd and now I feel lost. We own our own home and live like a lot of young couples and are trying to move up in the world, start family someday and so on. He will be into all of that talk one day and the next day seem annoyed when I bring up the future or his possible success in life. Lately he seems to get bored easily and does not see the joy and beauty in our everyday 'routine' lives the way that I see it. His job is a burden, I talk too much about his feelings, he wants to drink and he is constantly looking for a change...buying new things and that is all worring me. He often says that he can't believe that he has to work everyday and that he wants to be free of the burdens of the everyday. I think he has had adhd since his boyhood and right now he is coping with the depression that can come from dealing with the responsibilites of marriage and all that adult stuff. He wants to change and he has taken a couple of weeks off of work under a doctor's care and upped his lexapro, stopped drinking for 2 weeks (he drank once in that time) and started taking adderoll today. I am so hopeful for our future but so scared that his lack of interest, anxiety, low-self esteem and easy boredem which are all adhd traits are going to be hard for him to let go of. Today is his first day on the low dose of adderoll and I am so hopeful that his doctor's care and my love will shed some light. I want to know if anyone can relate and give some advice.

Comments

cecilia4567's picture
My husband was diagnosed 14 months ago. He tried probably 4 or 5 different medications for his ADD while he was also put on Cymbalta for his depression (runs in his family). At first he was much easier to get along with but then he became too passive and sleepy. That was probably the Cymbalta but he also became way too talkative. His meds were changed several times. He is now taking Adderall XR and Amphetamines to help him last through the day until after I get home from work. Please realize that your husband will probably need to change his meds and/or the dosage. If Adderall does not help your husband, make sure you also go to his appt. with the prescribing Dr. Your insight on his behavior can help the dr. decide what dosage to prescribe. Cecilia

Cecilia

The best support you can give him is to love him for who he is, and to recognize that some of his traits - like restlessness, are probably easier for you to adapt to than for him to change.  If he needs variety in his life, perhaps there are ways that you can keep your lives together varied enough to be interesting (don't assume that getting married means you have to settle down right away and get boring!)

Don't push to have kids until you have had lots of time to work out how to communicate about all of this easily and he and you both feel comfortable that things are under control....kids tie you down a lot and tend to push adults apart rather than bring them closer has been my experience.

And, yes, you will likely be experimenting with meds for a while... 

Melissa Orlov

I am waiting for the kids, that is fine, i want to have kids with him as a functioning person. He has been off work for 2 weeks and now I want him to get out of bed, go to treatment to rid himself of the shame and the crutch of alcohol. He has been using alcohol every 3 or so days to calm his mind. He is on the brink of going to this short 3-4 day treatment to rid himself of the alcohol and start dealing with his adhd. I get so emotional when talking to him because I take it personally that my mom is working on getting him there today. I pray for this light and a breakthru. Thanks for your help.

thanks. he might go into a hospital today for a 3 day treatment to get himself some rest and figure all of this out because he has been trying to deal w the adhd with alcohol and that has messed him up. I am at work sitting here helpless praying for the best. my wonderful mom is helping him and trying to get him to see the light because I get too emotional and end up crying and overwhelming him, she is going to our house today. If he doesn't get up and get moving soon and learn to deal with the adhd with out drinking or sleeping he will loose his job and we might loose our house. i love him i want him to get help, underneath this suffering i want my husband to be happy.

I relate too your husbands dilema however taking only the medication will not improve him as he also needs too be able to express his self to another such as a therapist and a coach. I was in his shape and at 50 this is not the first time for me to go thru this being an adhd child from a dysfunction family hense lack of communiction. So yes the antidepressants and adhd med will improve if you seek outside help so as to rebuild his self esteem, communicative skill, setting goals, etc. There is so much and trust me a pill will not do all of these things. Building yourself into a person who acknowledges and learns of yours past and adhd difficulites is not an easy challenge but your life can transform beyond belief when you accept this challenge of life. All of humanity has difficulties adhd is finally being acknowledged for our benefit of discovering a life that is full of confidence. Thanks for writing about all of the doubts no doubtly so many of us can relate too.. Best to you and yours husbands. Much metta \