Forum topic: Kowtow

1,  act in an excessively subservient manner.
"she didn't have to kowtow to a boss"

synonyms: grovel to, be obsequious to, be servile to, be sycophantic to, fawn over/on, cringe to, bow and scrape to, toady to, truckle to, abase oneself before, humble oneself to; More
curry favor with, dance attendance on, ingratiate oneself with, suck up to, kiss up to, brown-nose, lick someone's boots
"she didn't have to kowtow to a boss"

2,  historical
kneel and touch the ground with the forehead in worship or submission as part of Chinese custom.

synonyms: prostrate oneself before, bow (down) to/ before, genuflect to/before, do/make obeisance to/before, fall on one's knees before, kneel before
"they kowtowed to the emperor"

My husband recently used this word in reference to his behavior toward me. He said, "There won't be any more kowtowing around here." This was his response to my refusal to accept his Telling me Like It Will Be.

So this is how someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and ADD views his own actions when he is trying to appear to be a decent human being.

He's done nothing extraordinary whatsoever. The previous couple days, he did wash his own dishes following his late meal. Nothing else, At All. But clearly, in his mind, he has gone so far above and beyond what he considers to be his responsibility, that it could be considered servitude?         Wow.  I always knew his actions along this line were fake and fleeting, but I had no idea that doing one small task made him feel so small and servant-like.

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And a tidbit observation from the battlefield here:       18 months ago, when I was not on board with his unilateral decision to start his own business, suddenly I began finding multiple bath towels on the floor and some in the hamper. It's like all of a sudden, he was going through towels like crazy, instead of using the same one for several days, as usual. Please keep in mind that Towel Useage has never been an issue in our household. I have never once spoken of towels or taken issue with his handling of them. This is something in his own head, possibly from years ago, a previous relationship.   SO -  here we go again. This morning, my hamper is full of towels. None on the floor, but extra used ones ready to be washed. I could not possibly care less, but.... wow, weird.

Just a look inside the mind of a forgetful narcissist, who - when he actually tries to do what he knows is the "right thing" - feels reduced by it somehow.