Forum topic: Impulse Control with ADD?

Mon Jul 7th, 2008 - 8:53pm by JamieI

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Has anyone experienced impulse control with their ADD spouse? My husband and I have very different libidos, and due to our conflicts in marraige, don't always have as much intimacy as he would like. That being said, almost everytime I've gone away on a business trip, I come home to find he's been trolling on adult-only sites of any given variety... he keeps telling me it's the ADD and he can't help himself when I'm not there to temper the urge to "go look". I'm calling this BS... He says the disorder limits his impulse control and I should just not get so upset about it... anyone?

Comments

Submitted by tltwad on Wed Jul 9th, 2008 - 3:48pm

TLTWad - The inability to accept responsibility or to cast blame elsewhere is very typical behavior for most folks with ADD. Sadly, many individuals with ADD don't know how often they overlook their own guilt and will associate or accuse another culprit while literally being blinded by the truth. Although it is true that folks with ADD struggle daily with self-discipline issues, I think it's doubtful that ADD is actually the culprit here. I believe the real culprit in this story is called TESTERONE. While I'm not much of a gambler, I'm willing to bet that your husband's 'uncontrollable' impulse (read: habit) to look at adult web porn has much more to do with his TESTOSTERONE levels than with his inability to manage his ADD. How else do we account for all the non-ADD males who have the exact same porn 'habit'? The focus should be on the male libido and I won't touch that topic with a ten-foot-pole! My non-ADD husband would have a field day with your husband's ADD declaration. "You mean I can completely disregard your feelings as long as I tell you I can't help myself?" I'm not sure your husband actually believes ADD is the real culprit here but apparently he sure seems to think it is a great excuse for not having to learn to regulate his behavior. It's truly sad if he actually believes he holds no responsibility for his actions, particularly because he is aware of the affect they have on you. Just my thoughts...
TLTWad

Submitted by Electra125 on Thu Jul 10th, 2008 - 2:05pm

Hi Jamie, I initially assumed your post would be about excessive spending, outburts, etc. When I read it was about porn-viewing, I just had to reply. My husband, who was diagnosed with ADD at the age of 39, (he is now 43) viewed porn during his first marriage. His reason was that his wife at the time wasn't as sexual as he. My personal belief (based on other stories from his past) is that she just didn't want to have sex with him as she had begun distancing herself from the marriage. Turns out, towards the end of their marriage, it was this "non-sexual" woman who had at least 3 affairs! Anyway, in our case, I am the more sexual one. You would think all would be great then. It's not. My husband and I have sex, on average, once a month. This has never been me in any other past relationship. We are working on improving this, and things are getting a tad better, but I digress.... I am not a fan of porn for several reasons, and I am certainly no prude! In my husband's past, the porn served as a way to avoid discussing his needs/wants with his wife and learning about hers. Had the porn served to enhance their sexual relationship, I would have applauded them. All it did, however, was shift focus away from the real issue and possibly create new ones as well. I don't know if she ever knew of his viewing habits or even cared at that point. I can tell you that in the very beginning of our dating relationship, my now- husband brought teen porn into my home-------not with the intention of sharing it with me. Old habits die hard. Since that time, he has thankfully acknowledged my feelings surrounding this and all evidence of it is gone. Hey, I'm not with him 24/7, so who knows if he has completely given it up? Point is, the porn-viewing didn't serve to make him more sexual with me! As I said, he was and still is, the seemingly less sexual one. It only served to hurt my feelings and mildly disturb me. I had a right to express my feelings and request that he not bring it into our home via computer and/or TV. Of course, he had a right to ignore my feelings. Thankfully, he did not.

Submitted by bragalipey on Mon Aug 11th, 2008 - 9:48am

Jamie, I am not sure if this will help or not, but before I married my husband he confided in me that he thought he was addicted to internet porn. At the time he did not know he had ADD. After we got to the psychiatrist and he was diagnosed with ADD we discussed the internet porn issue with the psychiatrist. He told us that people with ADD have a high need to activate the pleasure centers of their brain and some do it in all different ways. Once my husband was medicated and we were openly discussing the issues, the internet porn stopped. I obviously could not say for sure, but I would guess that it is not only when you are gone--from my understanding their need to feel that high is very overwhelming, and in this particular case it actually has nothing to do with either of your libidos. Jennifer -- "I expect to pass through this life but once. If, therefore there be any kindness I can show or any good thing I can do for any fellow being let me do it now...as I shall not pass this way again." -William Penn (1644-1718)
Jennifer -- "I expect to pass through this life but once. If, therefore there be any kindness I can show or any good thing I can do for any fellow being let me do it now...as I shall not pass this way again." -William Penn (1644-1718)

Submitted by noname (not verified) on Tue May 12th, 2009 - 12:16pm

For a long time I have considered myself a porn/sex addict. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 10 years old. I wasn’t aware that the two were related until recently. I have been using Stretarra to treat my ADHD and it has helped me with focusing on a single task. But my addictive behaviors did not change with the use of Stretarra. Recently I had to discontinue my Stretarra because of insurance and cost reasons and I started to use Amphetamine stimulant. To my surprise my addictive behaviors ceased immediately and I became much more empathetic to my wife’s feelings. I felt like I could sit down with her and have a real conversation and understand what she was feeling. I was totally amazed. After doing some research I found that Amphetamines increase dopamine, which is responsible for the pleasure response of the brain and Stretarra only effect noreprenephrine. I believe I was “self medicating” my dopamine imbalance with porn. I can give you a first hand account that it seamed impossible to stop my porn addiction without amphetamine. I hope this helps.