Forum topic: Meeting for drinks

Fri Apr 10th, 2015 - 2:37pm by Unsurewife

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My husband and I have been married for almost 9 years, and right now are down to one car. (mine) I have to take him and pick him up from work until he can get a new car. We got home the other day and he asked me if he could drive the car next Wednesday and come home late because he apparently told a former advisee/student of his that has apparently never had been out for drinks before and told her that when she graduated that he would buy her her first drink. (My husband is a college professor) He has told me no other information about this woman except that she lives in an apartment and doesn't drive so that he would have to go and pick her up and take her home afterwards. I was also told she has a boyfriend? Should I be concerened? Of should I just try and trust him that nothing is going to happen?

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Geese's picture

Submitted by Geese on Fri Apr 10th, 2015 - 9:26pm

Yeah definitely not what I would do to my wife. The way I would do it is to get her to bring her boyfriend and I would bring my wife. Maybe you should propose a double date.
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled is convincing the world he doesn't exist.

Submitted by Unsurewife on Fri Apr 10th, 2015 - 11:30pm

Thank you for replying. Talking with my husband tonight, he said that she might bring her boyfriend and she might not. She didn't say. I tried suggesting that we do the double date sort of thing, but he then said that it feel awkward having me there. He told me that he didn't need a chaperone sand that this was something just something between him and her. I made it clear to him that if I was to say yes and let him go, that she would have to find to find her own way here and home again. The only downside to that is she doesn't drive. I also made it clear to him that I refuse to have another woman whom I don't know riding in my car with him. (We only have the one car right now) let alone having him pick her up at her place and then taking her home afterwards. According to him, I'm the only one who seems to have a problem with this. i just don't know if it's truly worth letting him go and trusting him, or telling him that he needs to call off the whole thing and never go and do anything like this again and keeping him from having a social life and being mad at me for who knows how long. Apparently he's upset that after 9 years of marriage I still don't trust him.

Submitted by c ur self on Wed Apr 15th, 2015 - 7:07pm

This thing he is suggesting is just disrespectful to you...If you fixed his supper tomorrow night and got dressed up, and told him I will be home in a few hours...When he asked you where you were going, if you said...I'm taking a new co-worker out for a drink..He's new in town, and I just wanted him to feel welcome :)...I'm sure he will understand..LOL...

Don't allow him to drop a guilt trip on you for his abusive and disrespectful request....If your not welcome and wanted on this excursion that is a clear message....

Submitted by Unsurewife on Fri Apr 10th, 2015 - 11:15pm

Thank you. This highly concerns me too. From what he is telling me about her, she doesn't have many friends and doesn't get along well with her parents. Apparently my husband has made a difference in her life sort of like a mentor/someone she can talk to. He has yet to even tell me her name!! He told me that if I was not going to let him do this, that he would be mad because I was keeping him from having a social life. Just don't understand this whole thing.

Submitted by AlmaVera on Sat Apr 11th, 2015 - 12:13am

I don't want to be a Negative Nelly, but she sounds exactly like the kind of needy, "hard luck case" that you need to watch out for. This is not just about your H saying you should trust him. First and foremost, your feelings as his wife should matter to him, and be infinitely more important than something he told a co-ed he would do. Second, as a professor, he shouldn't be so naive - there are young women who prey on professors. He's putting himself at risk of a harrassment complaint. There's no reason he should exclude you because of awkwardness. If this chick doesn't understand the concept of integrity, that should tell him something about her. She might not be as innocent as he thinks.