Forum topic: ADHD in older people

Sat Feb 23rd, 2008 - 3:01pm by raspberry

Forum: 
Diagnosis and Treatment of ADHD
What is the prognosis for untreated ADHD for older men? My husband is in his mid-fifties, was diagnosed with rather severe ADHD about 15 years ago, and has refused treatment. At first he did try to understand some things about his ADHD and made efforts to learn to be more focused, which he thinks is about all he needed to do. We are approaching our older years and he seems to be getting worse in many ways: more forgetful, irritable, angry/short-tempered, unwilling to listen or participate in the marriage, I could go on. He only will do anything if he “feels like it” which of course nobody ever feels like taking out the garbage or feeding the dogs. I am reluctant to have the grandchildren around him because he might yell at them for no reason, just because he is frustrated with something. I think he is getting worse, but it may be just that my patience is wearing thinner. Here is my question: as an untreated individual approaches older years, are they likely to become worse, better or stay about the same? I realize that every case is different and I am asking for a rather specific answer for a generalized question. Thanks for your help and for this website.

Comments

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sat Feb 23rd, 2008 - 4:43pm

you describe your husband, and add. and I laughed when you said, he would do things " when he felt like it" I can relate to that. but... yesterday was my first day on Daytrana. I had tried the patch before, and it worked wonders for me if I had a big project to accomplish, like, doing my taxes on turbo tax, which, I thought I could never do, but with that patch on, I stayed with it, until it was finished, effortlessly. still... yesterday, with my first very own prescription, the day was wierd, busy minds, are hard to lasso you dont know if your focusing or concentrating, you relate to the world and open your mouth, but there is no service guide there keeping you on track or telling you what is good concentration or anything like that. today, is saturday, I didnt take any daytrana I can see, how.. the..." I dont have to do anything if I dont " feel" like it" is at work, theres probably many phychological reasons for this thinking process, overworked as a human being been working since 12, really had to work hard at keeping things together before retirement now, no one to please, let it all hang out. I listen passionately regarding your husband my advice for you is, look at your own self get out of his sight pattern, let him live his life out if you have to protect the grand children from him, do it, but dont dwell on it, unless youre looking for a differant life and I am no expert, i am just certain about self work, dont do others work for them, mind your business stay in your business... if he asks you to go into his business,, by all means, go but,, wait until you are invited, can you take it?

Submitted by tiddletaddle on Tue Mar 11th, 2008 - 6:10pm

Hi anon, I hear you about not knowing if you are focussing or concentrating, and no-one telling you if you're on track! If you read my posts of a few days ago you will be aware that I and my ADD beloved are preparing to be married in a few weeks time.... I agree with you about keeping out of "his business", and this is what I try to do in all matters that are strictly "his". But you can't get much more "mutual business" than getting married! It takes the wo of us. Now I know he will turn up on the day, and he will probably be wearing the right clothes, and maybe that's all that matters. He has some things to do for the planning, but I am not counting on him doing them, and it's ok, the marriage will go ahead, but it will be a lot more my input than his. He won't even have managed to put time aside to give thought to what he would like to go into the ceremony. We are to be creating the ceremony programme next weekend, having thought about it in the week and printed out some readings, and listed music etc, but my love is focussing on something else..... and the thing is, he is stressed out because he has too much to think about, but he can't find his way to get on track and put this other thing to one side and focus on the most important - which surely has to be the wedding at this stage? Sigh.....

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on Wed Mar 12th, 2008 - 8:26am

Thanks for writing this - I'm going to put up a blog post about focusing and not focusing with ADD because I think this is a really important point that people without ADD need to see from a different perspective...look to the main page for "what lack of focus means with ADD". 

Melissa Orlov

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on Mon Feb 25th, 2008 - 1:56pm

It seems as if you are looking for a medical explanation and, not being a doctor, I can't give you one.  I do notice from my own life that we all change when we get older and that laughter is often a very good way to handle some of the indignities that we have to start to endure (memory lapses being a biggie for many people - including me.  My teenage son gleefully tells everyone I now own a swiss cheese brain).  In addition, the brain changes as we age so that we become more inflexible and less able to deal with change and spontanaeity (really!  And you just thought your old grandfather was crotchety!)

Your grandchildren will survive if your husband yells at them, and it is easy enough to say "Grandpa's not having a good day today" if they seem to be upset.  It would be a shame if your fear of his yelling at them keeps them from a.) getting to know him and b.) your getting to see them as much as you want.  Besides, grandkids (at least in small doses) can be great fun - something it sounds like you both need.  Perhaps you can use grandchildren visits as a way for both of you to do something fun together (ask your husband to contribute ideas to this one if you don't want to feel as if you are dragging him around with you all the time!)

If you genuinely feel as if he is retreating from doing the things that he used to do (did he used to take out the garbage, or is this a new assignment?) then you should certainly speak out.  You might also suggest he speak with a doctor...is there a chance he might be depressed?  On the other hand, sometimes loving someone means letting them be and laughing off the foibles.  It all depends upon who you are, and how you have been together all these years.

Make sure, too, that a fear of what retirement might look like isn't coloring your picture of your husband's behavior (or, for that matter, coloring his).  Some low-key time to talk about what your future might look like and what dreams you both still have might be appropriate at this time.

Hope this helps.

Melissa Orlov