frustration

Stress exaggerates our normal tendencies.  When one of you has ADHD and the other one doesn’t that can be a problem... or a blessing.  

Just saying 'you know in your heart' when to call it quits on your relationship is not quite enough.  

Having a partner who says he loves you often be late sends confusing signals.  Learning more can help.

Frustrated non-ADHD spouses will often say to me something such as "It's so obvious that my partner should do X.  I don't understand why he/she won't!"  While a solution to the problem at hand may seem obvious, it's often really not quite so straightforward and here's why:

One of the most frequent questions that comes up is one of frustration – “how do I get my ADD spouse to listen to me about our problems?”  The short answer is that you can’t if he doesn’t want to, but let me elaborate, as this is clearly at the heart of many struggling marriages.

We received this question from a reader:

"How can an ADHD affected spouse get a job and hold it to earn a living if he cannot find his keys/wallet/cellphone etc? How can a spouse NOT be tired out by repeated same scenarios of disorder and chaos repeatedly discussed and never changing?"

These are questions that cut to the heart of the long-term ADHD relationship.  I would like to address the non-ADHD spouse first, then circle back to the ADHD spouse.