criticism

ADHD adults often carry a lot of hurt and shame with them.  Learn what these shame triggers are and you can significantly improve your interactions.  A recent conversation with five adults with ADHD and their partners highlights some of the issues.

It’s the catch-22 of ADHD-impacted relationships (and many non-ADHD marriages, as well!)  For many couples impacted by ADHD, distraction, disengagement and retreat from conflict leave non-ADHD partners feeling ‘stranded’ and lonely.  Their natural response is to pursue their partner for attention…and disaster results.  What do you do?

“I think my partner has ADHD – he shows all the classic symptoms.  How do I approach him with this without making him angry?”  This is a great question and I applaud any spouse who is sensitive enough to be asking it.  Some specific ideas and hints follow.

Frustrated non-ADHD spouses will often say to me something such as "It's so obvious that my partner should do X.  I don't understand why he/she won't!"  While a solution to the problem at hand may seem obvious, it's often really not quite so straightforward and here's why:

I was reminded the other day of one of the most frustrating things about relationships where one spouse is ADHD and the other is not – that is the feeling that you are experiencing the same problems over and over and over again (and again)!  Breaking out of this cycle – which is very exasperating for all – is critical to building a better relationship.  Attitude, believe it or not, and specific communication skills, are the key to moving forward.