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by: Catterfly -
What you describe is really extreme. In the end it doesn't matter if it's ADHD; it's abuse. You need to get away immediately. It will escalate from verbal and emotional abuse (which this is) to even worse. As an aside, I think this sounds like a personality disorder more than ADHD.>>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse
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by: J -
"While self-centeredness usually stems from selfish motives, self-absorption is often an unintentional behavior that can be addressed with conscious effort and awareness." C.....Your comment sparked my curiosity so I had to look this up. You mentioned self centered and I immediately went to: or is it self absorbed? Apparently, there is a subtle difference which has to do with the motivation and intention behind it. This is news to me but started the wheels turning. But what if a person is both? That's...>>> on Forum topic - Confidence
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by: Catterfly -
I hear you - this has been my life too, for the past twenty years. I'm so sorry that it's continuing even after you've made a decision to separate. Some things that resonate for me: continuous anxiety about not having the full picture of the plans, assumptions that conflicts have been resolved (by time, not talking), coming and going at will with no explanation or consideration of the family responsibilities, and continuous anxiety that he will disappoint the kids by going back on his promises, or else...>>> on Forum topic - I think I'm losing my mind
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by: Swedish coast -
ADD disability seems different than all physical disabilities. Its invisible, so no one believes it. It doesn't in my experience involve motivation primarily. The deficiency is in execution. Setting up goals, making plans, communicating them and coordinating with other people to make them happen. Making decisions. Getting to it. Getting started. Remembering. Prioritizing. Changing strategy when needed. Finishing. My ex husband also said he had no dreams, no goals, no ideas, no sense of the future. He...>>> on Forum topic - Confidence
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by: c ur self -
When it comes to labeling people, we have to be careful...After 16 years w/ my wife, I understand what ADD is, and what ADD is not...It's better for me to stick with the "reality of the attitude of heart, and the behavior's flowing from that heart"...ADD/ADHD or a busy distracted mind is a real thing...But, it has never and will never produce thought out "choices" that are selfish and self centered in nature...Self centeredness has nothing to do with distraction...If a person can make life decisions (homes...>>> on Forum topic - Confidence
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by: charmingtempest -
So possibly what you're saying is that he's acting out on some perceived slight that I may or may not have actually done? His hit back is yelling about it for hours and then telling me I'm being avoidant because I don't wanna deal with him anymore? While still professing his undying love and that he wants to work hard and that I'm being disloyal because I don't wanna deal with it anymore and he's the most loyal and nobody understands him? He has this sort of almost twilight-ish notion of love and that you'...>>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse
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by: J -
Charming tempest.....First I want to say how sorry I'm am that you're going through this and even I, a guy with ADHD agree with what's already been said. What you're experiencing is unacceptable for anyone, ADHD or not. I just went through a version of this pattern, not at home, but at work so Im writing this while its fresh in my mind. This deals with a woman I work with who also has ADHD. She told me so going in. I'll do my best to stay on point and stick to the fact here so I can illustrate this...>>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse
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by: charmingtempest -
Hey, sure wish my anxious attachment style, didn’t conflict with your avoidant attachment style. Just wish you had more time set aside to figure this stuff out, also moreover we knew how to sooth eachother and make sure that we were not overwhelmed before introducing new things into the mix. Thanks for the times we had I guess, thought you would have fought harder for me. I want to fight for you, but what’s the use. Everyone has already blamed me for everything wrong, as usual. I guess what I’m trying to...>>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse
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by: charmingtempest -
Hey, sure wish my anxious attachment style, didn’t conflict with your avoidant attachment style. Just wish you had more time set aside to figure this stuff out, also moreover we knew how to sooth eachother and make sure that we were not overwhelmed before introducing new things into the mix. Thanks for the times we had I guess, thought you would have fought harder for me. I want to fight for you, but what’s the use. Everyone has already blamed me for everything wrong, as usual. I guess what I’m trying to...>>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse
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by: charmingtempest -
I hope you can tell me about the pattern. Thanks>>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse
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by: AdeleS6845 -
This is verbal abuse, no matter how you look at it. Whether the person who says these things has ADHD or not, whether they intentionally said things or not, it still hurts, and if they continue to do it after you ask them to stop it is abuse. My reply is based on ending my 20 year marriage to a man who became abusive 3 years in. He would often have angry, rageful outbursts, and I remained silent, because speaking up order only fueled his rage. I tried to make it work, but ultimately I was the only one...>>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse
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by: J -
that I'm very familiar with. I'll come back to this but I'm at work now. I think I can shed some light on this when I get the chance.>>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse
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by: J -
Love Shouldn't Hurt. Something to think about in trying to determine when he says he loves you, if that's true or not. J>>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse
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by: Swedish coast -
Dear Dagmar, this sounds like he's slowly invaded your life after separation and now makes your entire world slip and tilt until it's hard to even stand up. I get nauseous just by your description of it. So sorry this is happening. Do you think you can get that other house and move there as soon as possible? And maybe make some firm boundaries and written agreements? I haven't let my ex into my house, socialized with him or his family or adjusted to his whims once separated. Children change houses weekly...>>> on Forum topic - I think I'm losing my mind
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by: Swedish coast -
I think almost everyone tries to be a good person. For an ADHD mind that will go into uncontrollable RSD mode repeatedly and harm their loved ones, this means reality has to be twisted into knots to still make the ADHD person look good. I believe there is no end to the knots on reality a mind will allow to preserve its self-image. The RSD complete lack of logic, the dishonesty, the hurtful and downright stupid comments Ive seen countless times too. But your partner is way more aggressive and threatening...>>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse
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by: Haveaniceday -
You sound like a very level-headed, kind and tolerant person. Emotional dysregulation is a big part of ADHD, but this sounds extreme to me. Living with a partner with ADHD is going to be hard enough, it is no walk in the park (and mine has never once been verbally abusive!), if I were you I would get out now, run as far and fast from this situation as you can. ADHD plus verbal abuse will make your life a nightmare and you sound like someone who could have the opposite experience in a relationship! Even...>>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse
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by: 1Melody1 -
I stayed until my daughter was around 13 and like you, I strived to shield her from the negative aspects of my husband's ADHD every minute of every day. I was fairly successful a lot of the time, but of course it wore me out just as you've described. The constant hypervigilance and effort to be both parents in one was exhausting. And STILL I can see that I couldn't protect her from everything. Still my daughter endured his apathy and inattention. Still she witnessed me doing it all while he sat in a chair...>>> on Forum topic - The Effect on Kids of Inattentive ADHD in Parent
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by: Swedish coast -
I'm sorry, Honestly, that you hurt for your son. I feel it would be an impossible task for anybody to completely shield a child from his father's personality. You have given the necessary things. You have listened. I believe your son will thrive on what you've given, and be able to shake off the uncertainty that he's now found the reason for. I can relate to wanting to compensate for dysfunction in the other parent. It's a huge task, crushing. Please remember however we would like to, we simply cannot...>>> on Forum topic - The Effect on Kids of Inattentive ADHD in Parent
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by: J -
"Practice empathy: Recognize that both people are going through a difficult time. Allow grace for mistakes: Forgive easily, and remember that both people are trying to uphold high standards. Recognize differences: Accept and respect your spouse's uniqueness. Set clear boundaries: Don't hold your spouse accountable for things they don't know. Serve without expecting anything in return: Do things for each other for no other reason than to grace one another. Extend trust: Trust is essential for a...>>> on Forum topic - I am Scrooge
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by: scoullard@outlo... -
I know how you feel. My husband does not admit to even having ADHD and my stress levels are through the roof. I empathize with you! As for meds for myself, I have been on Prozac twice in the 20 years we have been married. I went to therapy & got a script for what I thought was work related depression. At the time, I didn't realize how much the stress I experienced in my marriage contributed to my depression. Prozac did help my mood and I changed jobs to alleviate the work stress. I am considering meds...>>> on Forum topic - Non ADHD spouse, questioning if I should be on meds.
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