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by: Swedish coast -
Hello, Yes I think you're right in that passivity in reconciliation is an ADHD effect. It's been a constant in my marriage. It is also present in other ADHD people around me. In the marriage it seemed linked to a perceived hopelessness, a sort of fatalism. Perhaps due to lack of confidence, or inability to initiate. A relationship crisis doesn't seem to spark any urgency in the ADHD mind. It can let the crisis run indefinitely. Even if the ADHD partner does want and need the relationship, and states it's...>>> on Forum topic - Help me understand his apathy
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by: J -
from experience. Work on yourself, before you do anything else. It's a journey you need to take alone whether you're in a relationship or not. The sooner the better, because it takes a lifetime to accomplish. It's not about the getting to a destination...it's about the journey and all you'll learn while on it. Therapy is where it started for me. This is the best advise I could give anyone. J>>> on Forum topic - Apparently Me Crying Was Done To Keep Everyone Up!? .. Beyond Frustrated
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by: Elleleen45 -
Hello, I am the non-ADHD partner in our relationship. I've gotten to the point where I've just become so frustrated that I'm just agitated and annoyed with him. We will literally have the same conversation about the "topic at hand" a minimum of 10 times. And the conversation each time starts off like it's the first time we've discussed this issue! It makes me feel like he's not retaining or remembering any part of the conversation we just had yesterday, or even earlier the same day. He says if I really...>>> on Forum topic - I'm sad when he gets frustrated with me
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by: adhd32 -
My H will do the same. Pushes me through the door first if he isn't comfortable entering a new place. Waits for me to step up when things are unraveling. Makes uncalled for comments when tensions are high while trying to resolve business issues like overcharging or flight mix up. His contributions are underwhelming and unhelpful. It is almost like he is a child waiting for momma to come in and save the day. I admit that I have told him to man up when he left me hanging. Difficult to have respect for...>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated and unhappy
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by: arabianhorselover -
At this point I'm not sure what to say except that I'm still here and this stuff is still going on. I believe that underneath it all is toxic shame put on him by his father. I have tried everything to get him to admit that, but he will not. Not even I can get through the defensive boundaries that he erected around himself so many years ago.>>> on Forum topic - Just Realized Husband Has ADHD - After 26 Years Of Marriage
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by: J -
With my SO, not chasing after her when I feel pushed away seems to work. Asking her questions if she's ready to talk instead of me demanding we talk right now is also helping. Allowing her to come to me when she's ready, on her terms, appears to be what works best. She's even said so using these words: "just allow it to happen"...which I interpret as, I will when I'm ready. She definitely doesn't like to feel pressured or pushed.>>> on Forum topic - I'm sad when he gets frustrated with me
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by: Swedish coast -
Impending sense of doom is what invariably happens to me whenever there isn't enough exercise and too much time spent indoors... I feel it's quite unspecific. But sure, I suppose it could also be a symptom of something.>>> on Forum topic - Compassion
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by: J -
My SO describes feeling an impending sense of doom. At times in my life, I've felt the same way. Literally, just the other day she asked me: "do I feel that something bad is about to happen? Like the world is about to come to an end? " I said no I don't....but suddenly remembered me have similar thoughts but not on such a global scale. She watches a lot of NDE videos on YouTube specifically paying attention to the ones that predict the future and especially the ones that say things about global...>>> on Forum topic - Compassion
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by: Swedish coast -
This not taking the lead is a disturbing behavior I've experienced too. I was in late pregnancy when my ex noticeably started to hide behind me. There were some unpleasant discussions to be had with craftsmen about something wrongly installed. Later there were negotiations with companies. And he hid behind his wife, forcing me to defend the family's interests. Every time. I'll actually never forgive him for this.>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated and unhappy
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by: Swedish coast -
I'm sorry. This must be so upsetting. In my experience, so much in an ADHD-non relationship is about expectations clashing, and a fundamental inability of both partners to understand the other's perspective. We are all vulnerable in our relationships. Even more so when there is no common idea of what our life together is or should be. I think education - on ADHD, and using Melissa's world of knowledge about what it does to our relationships - is the key to moving forward. Our troubles all seem...>>> on Forum topic - I'm sad when he gets frustrated with me
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by: J -
For the record, I've made some assumptions about my SO based on what I know. When someone can't answer you, or haven't told you things about themselves that possibly even they aren't aware of.... all that's left is what you know, what you've been told and what you've experiencesd. I've had to remove myself and my personal feelings to take a more objective look at the things right in front my eyes from my own observations. The most obvious common denominator that I noticed is her fear. If I apply the lens...>>> on Forum topic - Compassion
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by: honestly -
So familiar, Catterfly! We were on holiday in France recently; he speaks French, is a massive francophile, insists on holidays there every year (not so big a deal since we are in UK) wants us to move there, and it is the only destination he has any interest in at all or will bother organising stuff for. But even then, he wasn't really there. He drank heavily every day, even though the kids asked him to cut down (I make no comments; it doesn't help) While the kids and I swam in the sea, or explored, he...>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated and unhappy
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by: J -
This is me: "Some examples of burning curiosity include: A young child constantly asking "why" about everything they observe, driven by an intense desire to understand how the world works. A scientist meticulously investigating a mysterious natural phenomenon, determined to uncover its underlying mechanisms. A historian poring over ancient texts and artifacts, compelled to reconstruct the details of a long-forgotten civilization. An explorer venturing into uncharted territory, their mind racing with...>>> on Forum topic - "No man is free who is not master of himself " - Locus of Control
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by: Off the roller ... -
Hi Peaceful111, I too have had a tough time learning about co-dependency and it can be really jarring to see ourselves on a page of a resource/book that we dont' really want to be. With that though, you didn't slip up. It happens. Give yourself grace and then pick yourself back up and take another step in the right direciton. It sounds like you know the next step which is perhaps changing the number and blocking him. Forgive yourself for the $600 - really, I mean that - because I read your excerpt above...>>> on Forum topic - Trauma bonded
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by: J -
I also need(ed) lots of examples so I can understand things. It would seem, a natural course to do what you need when you haven't realized most people are not like you yet.>>> on Forum topic - Over Explaining and ADHD
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by: J -
To make sure I've explained it enough so people understand. This goes back to my childhood where, I'm sure people didn't understand me. Just throw more words at them until they do! Lol However, my boss does this too I noticed. For the same reason as she told me ( not specifically over explaining but ) she has alot of young people where I work who don't understand some of the things she's saying. I'm sure, she's learned that she has to explain things from several angles until they finally get. I think...>>> on Forum topic - Over Explaining and ADHD
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by: c ur self -
Reading on this thread I see something in many of the posts, something I have contemplated many times over my life time...It's the searching, building, or the proclaiming of our own identities....And most of the time it seems we work from what we know, or have experienced...(physical factors)...Childhoods, abuses, parental influence, education, finance's, the other person, mostly physical features....We definitely can be effected by all of these...The questions I have had to ask myself is, ''will I camp...>>> on Forum topic - "No man is free who is not master of himself " - Locus of Control
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by: c ur self -
It's really amazing how unaware I can be in these moments, when I am attempting to bring a person, or people, into my own mind, as it relates to anything...Life scenario's, etc....The reason we (I) do this is because of the fear of being misunderstood, or worse, being perceived as not caring..... c>>> on Forum topic - Over Explaining and ADHD
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by: J -
Staying true to my convictions and continuing being the person I want to be is what I'll be continuing to strive for no matter what happens. To live at peace as much as possible. This much I know for certain.>>> on Forum topic - Communication Missing the Mark
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by: rzmtz382 -
Oh wow. And there i was, thinking i was on my own. Like you, I too have only realised after all these long years. Known him for more than 30+ years, been married for more than 20+ years in that period - and somehow i just didn't see it so clearly until very very recently. The shocking thing for me is that both our kids most likely have ADHD too, and husband and i have talked about the need to try and address it with the kids and help them manage it, and he also agreed (at least in principal) that he may...>>> on Forum topic - Just Realized Husband Has ADHD - After 26 Years Of Marriage
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