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by: Swedish coast -
Realize my ex moving out would never have happened either if I hadn't organized it. Of course, inertia. Im so sorry C. Weeks went by and my ex did nothing to recover the trust between us after having RSD'd lavishly for a few months before divorce was finalized. He did nothing to pack stuff. I kept on cooking family dinners and tried to be brave in front of the children. Every day was torture. I realized he would never move out on his own accord. So I sat down with him gently and explained he needed to...>>> on Forum topic - Non Adhd Spouse Vent
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by: c ur self -
I think it's possible that because you are a women (see and feel the women's perspective) it's common for you to feel and think these feelings and thoughts you have posted....I have read here about 12 years or so....Been married to an ADD spouse 16...I also joined a facebook group of all men, married to ADD wives, about a year ago....I can tell you that even though men and women have unique God given physical, emotional & mental features of mind and body...In my experience there isn't that much...>>> on Forum topic - Is ADHD underdiagnosed?
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by: c ur self -
I think me asking her to leave shocked her....She had pulled away and pulled away until life was just like she liked it...(of course boundaries had also ended a lot of our interactions, which was me...Because after years of trying, I realized I could not trust her to not blow up and ruin any attempt at travel, etc... She said around the end of May that she could be out around the end June, and have all her stuff out by the end of July...I told her to take August too, if she needed it...(house has set for...>>> on Forum topic - Non Adhd Spouse Vent
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by: Catterfly -
Hi Beyond Confused, I've been where you are, even up to the feedback from friends. It's so difficult and I'm so sorry you're in it. But to answer your question, I don't think the root cause (ADHD vs something else) matters as much as a few key considerations: - Have you told him how you feel, and what he could do to help to build up the relationship? - Can you forgive the behaviours and continue to be your best self, or are they wearing you down? If wearing you down, are you able to change your...>>> on Forum topic - "That's Just ADHD" vs. Enabling
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by: BeyondConfused -
Thank you. Yeah, it really annoyed and hurt me. And it made me feel like I have no one to talk to. I feel like my friend exhibits behaviors that might end up causing resentment from her husband down the line. But I don't bring it up because they seem happy, and it's not my business. She's not being rude to him or acting abusive, she just lets messes pile up and expects him to clean up her messes and do all the cooking. But for all I know, that dynamic might work if they've discussed it before. I'm at the...>>> on Forum topic - "That's Just ADHD" vs. Enabling
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by: Off the roller ... -
That's the official title>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted & Resentful of ADHD Husband!!!
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by: Off the roller ... -
It's there under blogs > psychology today > and titled: before yiu leave your marriage check these things... something like like. You can't miss it>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted & Resentful of ADHD Husband!!!
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by: Sugarlumps83 -
I know the feeling. My husband is due to get a diagnosis soon and hopefully medication. We've been together for twenty years, have two kids but I'm exhausted. We've moved country twice, it was fine when we were younger, but now he's looking at houses in another country, and I really don't want to move again. Every time I mentioned it, he would loose it because he hates where we live, and makes me feel bad. He keeps threatening out marriage because I won't just sell the house and move. That he would just...>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted & Resentful of ADHD Husband!!!
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by: Swedish coast -
I'm so sorry that your friend blamed you when you made yourself vulnerable by telling about your strained marriage. I think it was unnecessary. She could have kept that observation to herself at least. The situation with your turned away spouse, lost on his devices, is very relatable to me. I also couldn't make the marriage function when it'd gone that far. As for your last question, isn't it natural to be upset about dysfunctional behavior even when you know it's cause? ADHD is an explanation, but no...>>> on Forum topic - "That's Just ADHD" vs. Enabling
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by: Davy -
Thank you for your kind words. hopefully when she has her therapy, she can deal with it better, for herself. Because she deserves to be happy and knowing how to handle the difficulties she has. I'm going to give her the space and time that she needs. Meanwhile I'm going to focus on myself. And who knows, maybe in the future we can talk about it face to face and maybe it results in something good and better. But that's a maybe and if so, for later.>>> on Forum topic - I don’t know how to deal with this.
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by: Swedish coast -
So sorry your love is affected by overwhelm. It can be very hard to live with. I used to dismiss my ADD ex-husband's worries that he wouldn't manage things. I trusted in his talents and intelligence and couldn't imagine how dysfunctional he was, and how those traits would become more and more accentuated with time. His diagnosis would take many years to be known to us. Meanwhile, we both had a hard time coping with the symptoms, and in hindsight I would have done better if I'd believed him at the start....>>> on Forum topic - I don’t know how to deal with this.
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by: J -
I'm just now discovering what these lyrics are saying. I've heard them many times before, but I'm just now understanding what they really mean. "If my words did glow with the gold of sunshine And my tunes were played on the harp unstrung Would you hear my voice come through the music? Would you hold it near as it were your own? It's a hand-me-down, the thoughts are broken Perhaps they're better left unsung I don't know, don't really care Let there be songs to fill the air Ripple in still water When...>>> on Forum topic - Coming Full Circle, Paradym Shift, Acceptance is Key
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by: Davy -
Thank you for your words! I'm taking my distance now, sometimes she reaches out to me and most of the time it's a nice conversation. She's going into therapy soon because she wants to work on it. She also says that she doesn't forget about me and has still hope (but doesn't want to give me false hope) that maybe if she's stable enough or the therapy has ended successfully that maybe we can work it out. So for me it's difficult to let it go, I also hope that we can work it out. But not at any cost...>>> on Forum topic - I don’t know how to deal with this.
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by: adhd32 -
Move on to better things. What you are seeing is the way she really is day to day. ADDers typically lose interest in new things after a while hence all the unfinished projects and plans that never materialize. Two years have past for your relationship and the shine has worn off for her. This is typical for ADDers. You were the new shiny object that has now lost it's charm. If she isn't working on herself, things will not change. Read posts on this forum to get an idea of what 5 or 10 years together...>>> on Forum topic - I don’t know how to deal with this.
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by: Swedish coast -
Yes, I understand it may feel like moving a mountain. I don't pretend to know how one's supposed to disconnect emotionally. I had a very hard time letting go, since I'd worked many years to save the marriage and had invested innumerable sacrifices in it. There is ultimately the fear of having made all those efforts for nothing. I did one thing years ago though, I moved us to my home region and settled the family close to relatives. I also improved my work situation by continued education. The divorce...>>> on Forum topic - A Story, or Seeking Courage to Leave
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by: BeyondConfused -
Seconding this I am pretty sure my relationship is done due to my partner repeatedly making decisions with no consideration towards me and showing almost no remorse when I bring it up. It has led me to mentally check out and I have a harder time considering how MY actions impact my partner, since he doesn't seem to do that for me. I still do my best,? But its a struggle. I am also strongly considering leaving him, so that makes it harder to remind myself to try be mindful until we either split or...>>> on Forum topic - Husband Has Stopped Taking Meds
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by: BeyondConfused -
That is so tough and I am sorry you are going through this. I am in the middle of something similar. Except my partner stopped taking his medication completely and lied about it. When I asked him why, he just shrugged and said he didn't know. He did not believe me or seem to "get it" when I pointed out that I was able to pinpoint exactly when he stopped taking his meds because his mood changed and communication broke down. He says there were other factors that contributed to that. I do not doubt it, but...>>> on Forum topic - Husband Has Stopped Taking Meds
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by: y0gi -
Thank you. Yes, that's how it is. I know from my research--which makes it even more difficult to leave--that the picking fights is merely the brain seeking a dopamine hit. They can't actually help it, they know not what they do. I think that the sinking ship is going to sink no matter how many passengers are on it. Guess it's time to get a life boat. Agh, how did the world get so messy? I'll look up that book. Congratulations on your extraction! It actually is a huge marker of success. And thanks for the...>>> on Forum topic - A Story, or Seeking Courage to Leave
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by: y0gi -
I've seen your other comments. Congrats on ending the cycle and on your freedom! It's so hard to pull away and make the decision to put yourself first and foremost. How did you do it? I agree... I can't withstand it anymore. My thoughts have always been .... he's good on the inside, it's just his brain health/diet/etc. And he is good on the inside, although like all of us has facets of light and dark. My question and need is HOW? How do I mentally frame this? How do I actually leave? It feels like a black...>>> on Forum topic - A Story, or Seeking Courage to Leave
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by: J -
When I was last here on the forum, I was recommended a book to read entitled: In Sheep's Clothing. In it, it introduced me to the concept of HCP ( high conflict personality ). Without diagnosing anyone with a disorder, in plain language, it describes the person I was with at the time. I would use the words : "volatile", "erratic" and "combative" to describe her. In fact, the only thing that you could count on with her was being volatile and erratic! You could not have a conversation with her without it...>>> on Forum topic - A Story, or Seeking Courage to Leave
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