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by: Regina-Lucy -
Thank you for these kind words. Sometimes when you are in the thick of it you can start second guessing yourself. I appreciate your words and perspective>>> on Forum topic - Vent: non-ADHDer exhausted being the valet for ADHD anxieties/needs
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by: Swedish coast -
It sounds like you have to carry too much. I'm sorry. I was offered professional advice when overwhelmed with my ADD ex husband's influence on the family. It was: leave home several times a week to do something recreational alone. It was good advice. It refreshed me and pulled me out of situational depression. It also meant things had to be solved by others while I was away. If others weigh you down, you need to balance that. So I'd try to create some space. Which could mean not answering your phone and...>>> on Forum topic - Vent: non-ADHDer exhausted being the valet for ADHD anxieties/needs
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by: J -
I have a strategy in mind to carry this out that's not just willing myself not to want sex. It's kind of my own 3 prong treatment to lower my desire, libido and sexual response. I've actually done this before, not intentionally and not what I wanted at the time. The only reason I'm on Wellbutrin is because of its low sexual side effects and it actually increasing sexual desire not because it's the most effective for depression. Before Wellbutrin, I was on Zoloft which was extremely effective in treating...>>> on Forum topic - Had a Breakthrough
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by: Swedish coast -
Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the very best.>>> on Forum topic - Had a Breakthrough
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by: J -
and have weighed in on how this might play out. As I said, it's not fair to her, to let any of the many things listed spill over on her. As I hear you, this is what you're saying too. We're in agreement there. But I've had my own thoughts on this matter and am still thinking about this. This goes back to: " no man is free, who is not master of himself" As I've lived life, I know I've been a slave to my own weakness and inability to control my urges. Whether it be drugs, alchohal, porn, cigarettes...that...>>> on Forum topic - Had a Breakthrough
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by: Swedish coast -
J, I believe this is a good and honest realization. We should take our own feelings seriously, as you do. Your partner, who you said has medical reasons for being asexual, might suffer if you suppress your needs and take it out on her. You might need to leave. In my honest opinion, the idea that we can fundamentally change our core person by work on ourselves is delusional. We, and I mean people in general, don't change that much voluntarily. I wish for you to live a life where you don't have to work...>>> on Forum topic - Had a Breakthrough
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by: J -
that you've had to go through that. That must have been traumatizing. I'm ashamed to admit that I've had my moments with rage however, different than what you described. I almost instantly regretted it right after it happened. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed, with those feelings staying with me for weeks sometimes. No amount of I'm sorry could ever take those back even though I tried. At no point that I can recall, ever completely forgetting those moments either immediately after or the next day. I can...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
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by: AdeleS6845 -
My ex-husband would fly into a rage and go on and on until I was cowering. It took everything for me not to burst into tears or break down. The next day, it was like his memory had been wiped clean. If I displayed any kind of "attitude", he would ask me what my problem was. As if he didn't remember screaming at me, two inches away from my face.>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
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by: Ligia -
(translation from Portuguese, original is below) That's me! I share your pain. I don't even know who I am anymore. I keep thinking: How can my husband have the disorder, why am I the one suffering the consequences? He himself comments that his life is wonderful. He doesn't understand why mine isn't. About flirting, I've been seeing things for 25 years... At first I tried to believe him, but now I can't anymore... After studying so much about ADHD, I came to the conclusion that all the episodes really...>>> on Forum topic - I am ashamed of my anger
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by: J -
in terms of fearful avoidant attachment. ( thinking again about my SO ). From a fearful avoidant's perspective ( her ): She says, "I'm" too intense. But is that really true? Am "I" really so intense that she has to move away from me? Or is it, she's feeling intense fear, or nondescript feelings and emotions associated with intense discomfort and she's moving away from the "thing" that's causing her to feel these intense feelings? Is it really me, or is it something else? Am I to blame for these feelings...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
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by: Swedish coast -
Yes, I second on that. My husband probably saw me as the source of pain and lashed out - but all I had tried to do was calmly describe I needed his help because I was unhappy in our relationship. It didn't matter how softly I approached the subject. It always ended in him blowing up and me being even more traumatized. This pattern is vicious. It's what kills trust, and marriage.>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
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by: J -
I've been reading up on this phenomenon as well as others things related. I stumbled across this idea and had a light bulb moment. "Although the brain doesn't process emotional and physical pain exactly the same, the cascading events and regions activated ( in the brain ) are similar. This suggests that pain from diverse sources, physical and psychological, share an underlying felt structure." So if I'm understanding this correctly, the brain doesn't necessarily distinguish what exactly is causing the...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
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by: Swedish coast -
I think we all need to belong, and I think you're right. To me, RSD has always looked like the end-stage frustration and grief of not being understood and connected. I know I've felt just as strongly at times in the marriage and forced myself to speak gently words I wouldn't regret afterwards. My ex (and his relatives) couldn't. They just yelled whatever would hurt the most, flinging their arms and exposing their teeth, and afterwards neither could remember exactly what they'd said or understand they...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
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by: Will It Get Better -
That is the question. If you think four years has taken a heavy toll on you what do you expect thirty years will do? It is horrible; it is real. It won't 'go away'. Ever.>>> on Forum topic - burnout or need a timeout?
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by: adhd32 -
You have to leave permanently. You must accept that your spouse is not and will never transform into a fully functioning caring partner. Wishing and hoping and giving second and twentieth chances for him to function will not change the outcome. Nothing in your life will change unless you stop looking at him to change. NOTHING. You must make the big move right out of his life. Codependency may be the reason you have stayed miserable so long but once you take back your power and give him back all of his...>>> on Forum topic - burnout or need a timeout?
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by: J -
"All human suffering comes from non acceptance of what is" The idea of space is key for me because of my ADHD brain. It's constantly full, all the time, with racing thoughts that will not stop. I cannot control my thoughts, but I can transcend them to a different realm or dimension. This is what Eckart Tolle teaches. This has been my path to escape my own thoughts and suffering....only to say: He speaks my language. I emplore you to give this video a listen, as he explains this concept better than I...>>> on Forum topic - burnout or need a timeout?
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by: Swedish coast -
Off the Roller, I suffer with you. I came there too, to the place where there's no trust, where he is ridiculous, and you feel he is destroying your life day by day. I think you and he need to move apart temporarily to have any chance of saving this marriage. You need out of the daily friction. I moved away from my ex for four months. It took another six months together until I found myself at the non-negotiable end. Separation gives you time to calm down and live by yourself. It gives skills that are...>>> on Forum topic - burnout or need a timeout?
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by: sickandtired -
I feel so much empathy for you. I felt the same way about my adhd ex. His helplessness and anger was unending, and he ruined our relationship. I started feeling overwhelmed with his constant rages and I started therapy just like you did. The only thing that made me feel better was to get him out of my life. Permanently. I was 60 when I threw him out of my house, and it was the best thing I ever did for my health and happiness. I tried "taking a break" from him a few times before the end, but my soul never...>>> on Forum topic - burnout or need a timeout?
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by: Swedish coast -
It must hurt to not want to see your family and have concluded they don't know you and maybe aren't interested in getting to know you. I'm afraid ADHD members of my family may have reached that point too. Just so helpless in front of the ADHD-non incompatibility. I don't seem to reach over to the other side. And I'm so easily frustrated and irritated. Thank you J for your input.>>> on Forum topic - Distraction looking like arrogance
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by: J -
to my other comment referring to my mother and her unintentional interfering with the relationships between my sisters and even my father. Some of this is just birth order, years between, the "fixed role" you get assigned that's difficult to get out of and a communication break down between my father and I ( not seeing eye to eye on many things ). This is all family stuff that I assume, all families deal with on some level even in the healthiest of family dynamics. There's no right or wrong in other...>>> on Forum topic - Distraction looking like arrogance
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