-
by: c ur self -
First we have to recognize that everyone of us even people w/ the same diagnosis are different...It's in no way fair to group people....(Sadly we do it for context when speaking about ADD and other brain functions that are medically labeled)....Some people are quiet good at being self-aware, as it relates to capturing their own thoughts and behaviors, even though this transparency might come after a negative out come...But, still, owning it, is a huge part of eliminating or greatly reducing it...(This is...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
-
by: Swedish coast -
It's good not to be alone. All the best to you.>>> on Forum topic - The ruin
-
by: Off the roller ... -
Hey Swedish, I've been MIA lately but I came on here, similar to J, to let you know that you aren't alone. And I think you typed out what you know in your heart is what you should do: That friend should indeed go. They are a part of the old you with the previous boundaries. It's very clear you have been doing the work. I see you. You are validated in what you are doing. You know it is the right way for you. Let that friend go and let go of the control of the mess that you may (but probably not) leave...>>> on Forum topic - The ruin
-
by: J -
Swedish, since no one is replying here, I have a few things to say. Excuse me if I take the liberty to speak openly in familiar language ( familiar to me ) as it makes it easier to express myself. I've been divorced twice, and it sucks harder than anything I know. It'll bring you down to your knees and make you question yourself. This is normal, and it feels like this place you're in will always be this way. I can guarantee, it won't. At some point in time, How you're feeling right now will start to fade...>>> on Forum topic - The ruin
-
by: BlueHeron388 -
As I sit here by the lake trying to find calm and look for answers in this forum I feel so helpless to save my relationship. Much like this post, I've been the caretaker while he fluster and flounces about figuring his stuff out at my expense. Financially, emotionally, mentally. We haven't had aww in o er three of our 8 year relationship. He acts like I'm the bad guy in his life constantly'criticizing' him. I can't bring up any topic that is even a little bit sensitive without being interrupted mid-...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD Spouse Won't Get Help
-
by: J -
and reread some explanations of what RSD is again, because there's a qualitative difference between being told no and feeling rejected. It also mentioned being criticized in another article I read. C, from everything I've read of yours concerning your wife, lack of accountability and taking responsibility are always present in what you share. Trying to explain this subjective difference is difficult which makes me have to think about how to explain it. I only know what it feels like, but it's almost like...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
-
by: c ur self -
It's deeper than entitlement...Entitlement is an on going state of thinking that will be there even when calm....Entitlement is rampant these days....Especially with many younger generation....Spoiled!....It's rejection sensitive dysphoria...She may end up in bed for 24 or more hours (depressive state) when she is told no (forced accountability) to something she felt strongly about...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
-
by: Swedish coast -
Again your perspective of faith is so valuable. I believe the relationship with the divine is an important part of ourselves. For people like me who've lost religion a couple generations ago there is a void which takes a lot of inspiration to fill. Of course secular humanism also attributes us with innate value as humans. Like you I want to contribute to kindness and generosity. But the feeling of being a child of the divine... regardless of how well liked I am by others, that I can never have. When the...>>> on Forum topic - Self worth
-
by: J -
I know on the list of ADHD symptoms, the angry outbursts are right there on the list. This is something I've been working on trying to figure out. With me, I can generally tell you what I'm angry about even if it's blown out of scale. In other words, it is attached to something, not just out of the blue for no reason at all. And if asked, I can pretty much always tell you why I'm mad that makes some logical sense. One of the few times I've been angry lately, that even I was questioning myself, had to do...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
-
by: c ur self -
But the reason the outburst of emotion's surface so quickly and unexpectedly in my wife's case isn't the belonging...(She is loved by all family and friends, she can go off on)...It's the desire to attach belonging w/ control and manipulation... She will never not be someone who you must keep at arms length, not because you don't love her, but, because you do...When there is no ability lived out, to not demand self centered expectations of what needs to happen next, you better recognize it!!...With her, at...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
-
by: c ur self -
Hi Dagmar....It's been 16 years of chaos for me....But learning to master our emotions (keep our peace) always takes "trusting they will always be that person"....What that does for us is, it keeps us from ever being shocked or emotional because they are just being who they are... A good boundary for those who stay with a person we can't trust is..."Live kindly, but never trust my spouse's living want be chaotic, much of the time" ...When we get up in the morning w/ a new and refreshed false hope, that is...>>> on Forum topic - Everything is wrong
-
by: c ur self -
Interesting question....When I consider the dynamic of self worth, it set's off a few warning alarms in my mind as it relates to myself...As a young man growing up with divorced parents and no Dad present in our home (3 of us boys and a hard working mom) it was just natural that I would form some insecurities when comparing myself against other's who had more stabile and financially able home life's (two parent family's)...Then add on that I became a believer and realized the gospel warned me to "not think...>>> on Forum topic - Self worth
-
by: c ur self -
Healthy Invalids, user's of others, this is exactly why I've asked her to move in the first place, when a heart and mind is so locked into not taking responsibility for themselves at the expense of others, they like all the animal kingdom, must be pushed from the nest...You said it perfectly! I have worked real hard (for many years) to see it for what it is, and not allow her actions to create unthankfulness or a victim state in my own mind...God is good! Bless you friend! c>>> on Forum topic - A year after divorce
-
by: J -
Awareness IS NOT the only real medicine, which now seems like a ridiculous thing to say. I can forgive myself for my own ignorance including much of my past posts which I just started to reread. The value, in having the ability to read what you said in the past, shows you how little you know compared to after you've learned new information and had new experiences along the way is immeasurable. It shows me at least, how far I've come. This really just shows me that I was just scratching the surface. Not...>>> on Blog post - What is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and How Does it Relate to ADHD?
-
by: Swedish coast -
I hope she'll move out soon. I recognize this entitlement you describe. It's a part of being so enclosed in one's own reality, other people's support and resources are taken for granted. My ex did this too. I'm now quitting one task after the other that I've done habitually to relieve him, since he states he can take care of the children and avoids all mention of his illness or the fact that he still relies heavily on me for parenting. His initiative is non-existent. He leaves all ideas and planning for...>>> on Forum topic - A year after divorce
-
by: J -
The thing about labeling is it starts moving down the road towards depersonalization which is a dangerous path to follow. It generalizes people into catagories which can fall into the dehumanizing trap. It's what the Nazis did with the Jews. Once you go that far, you can do or treat anyone anyway you like and justify it because they're not even human. Just an object to with as you like. It's a slippery slope for sure. It is helpful however, to know the person you're with especially if your aim is to help...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD or Something Else
-
by: c ur self -
I'm still in the middle of it all....She want move out...She comes home from her house at dark and goes in her room (guest room)....I finally asked her if she was making any progress, she said yes, she is painting, floor work etc...I pointed out some problems she should get repaired...She got a quote for 1900 to cut her over grown back yard, and I just did that for her...I told her I would pay to have a tree taken down it's dangerous and leans toward the house 2800....But she wants more, she wants me to...>>> on Forum topic - A year after divorce
-
by: c ur self -
I'm really worn out on labels for people....Although I do understand the working of the mind causes people to think and act differently...So it boils down to justification....What is a person going to do or say w/ no convictions to feel or care what the effects of those words or actions do to others.... As for as the cleaning piece, I have heard about this seemingly over the top desire for perfection, although it's not really part of my or my wife's make up on a regular basis...I'm more of a pickup behind...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD or Something Else
-
by: Swedish coast -
I think so too. It's too late. If a person with ADHD has been unaware of it during all formative years, they have probably first used all their youthful strength to compensate for ADHD. Then they've started to lean heavily on their spouse, or some other support system, and become increasingly dysfunctional partners, as well as anguished, depressed, and burnt out. Going from there to co-creating a happy fulfilling marriage for both parties? I haven't heard of it yet.>>> on Forum topic - Vent: non-ADHDer exhausted being the valet for ADHD anxieties/needs
-
by: J -
When it comes to sex, and our inate drives installed by our creator, like all animals, for the further of our species: Men and women ( male and female ) have installed in them, differences, for that reason only. This creates a drive that feel like hunger and without it, it feels like you might die from hunger. In reality, no one dies from not having sex. The difference between humans and animals is that we have a cerebral cortex, we can make choices and intervene our own instinctual drives. That's how...>>> on Forum topic - Had a Breakthrough
Learn to thrive in your relationship
Upcoming seminars & support groups
Our Live Couples' Seminar starts on Jan 22, 2025! Register HERE!
Looking for a little more support? Join one of our Non-ADHD Partner Support Groups. First support group starts on Jan 13, 2025. Find all our support group options HERE.
Turn your knowledge into actionable steps to improve your relationship. Join us on Jan 14, 2025 to learn about our new program, Intent 2 Action. Sign up NOW.
The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
Register for free marriage tips here!
"Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."
Free Treatment E-Book
