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by: Swedish coast -
It's so confusing when someone you love lacks consistency and seems to not prioritize the family in spite of allegedly wanting to. I'm still clueless about my ex husband's illogical behavior after two decades with and one year without him.>>> on Forum topic - When Hyperfocus Hijacks a Relationship
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by: cheffluke -
Thank so much, Swedish Coast. It's really great advice and something I've been trying to pay attention to lately. We've been communicating pretty well overall these last couple of weeks, granted it's all mostly just essential stuff and kids. Probably the space away has helped us be able to take a step back and communicate on a more even ground again, and I've made one somewhat impulsive decision during that time and immediately called myself out on it and apologized and just said that I'm still working...>>> on Forum topic - A Failing Marriage & ADHD
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by: Swedish coast -
Only piece of advice I've got, I'm afraid: Don't say hurtful things. Keep arguments decent and respectful and avoid fighting ugly. If my marriage problems were boiled down, ugly fighting would remain unsolved on the bottom. That one the marriage couldn't survive.>>> on Forum topic - A Failing Marriage & ADHD
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by: Andrea George -
Thank you for your feedback! I get it. At times I am torn. I have gotten books on divorce, signed up for online divorce emails, podcasts, etc. I have been in low places emotionally but seem to bounce back when he acknowledges and participates in the seminar courses and goes to therapy both couples and individual for himself. I am always hopeful, a caregiver by nature & for my work. It is exactly the rollercoaster I see many talk about on here. But then I don't see changes or progress or if I do...>>> on Forum topic - When Hyperfocus Hijacks a Relationship
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by: Andrea George -
I see your point with depending on what the focus is maybe it comes from a different place or condition- ADHD, OCD, Autism, anxiety. Even mentioning laser focus on work. He does that for sure. Too much attention on certain things whether good or bad is what he also does. "Over-focusing" We had a couples therapy session yesterday and she pointed out that beyond the ADHD, she's noticing OCD with him having intrusive thoughts. It's a challenge with just ADHD, let alone now OCD in the picture as well...>>> on Forum topic - When Hyperfocus Hijacks a Relationship
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by: Swedish coast -
I can't help feeling that if my family members want to socialize with my ex, or keep some kind of relationship with him, they should do so on their own. Why not get in touch with him at any other time? Why wait until this highly uncomfortable day when I have to be in the same room with him? It's reasonable to show me as a family member loyalty and it's not even necessary to take sides in the conflict with the ex. Just don't act towards him in front of me as if things are fine and he never deceived or...>>> on Forum topic - Humiliation
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by: J -
"to observe how men of prudence, discretion and intelligence manage their own affairs." I remembered this from college law class. It applies to areas of law where things aren't clear or there's no definitive law written to guide you to a conclusion. This is an ethical dilemma, but some line needed to be drawn in my case because it was really having a negative effect on me and making me angry, at the same time, no one has done anything wrong. Yet. It literally is a judgement call....and I made my decision...>>> on Forum topic - A Difficult Situation
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by: Swedish coast -
It makes total sense to me to not welcome into your house someone who is obviously sexually interested in your partner. Even if she doesn't see it. That kind of dynamic led to the dissolution of an entire circle of friends in my past. It happens, even though nobody has had intentions to act on their desire, or the object of desire doesn't see the desire. With dating apps, things are much less innocent too. The app packages the situation and reveals the intention, doesn't it? If he were a coworker of...>>> on Forum topic - A Difficult Situation
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by: Swedish coast -
It's sad that he seems so unaware of how his focus off you undermines your relationship. The lacking awareness is relatable to me, even though my marriage had other issues than hyper focus. Please know there is no obligation to endure this if he doesn't realize the impact of his symptoms on you. Good intentions on his part will only go so far if he can't modify behavior. I hope for the very best for you.>>> on Forum topic - When Hyperfocus Hijacks a Relationship
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by: J -
I actually had to look it up to make sure I understand the differences. From the description I just read, it's sounds very much like what you're experiencing. I was looking at it from an ADHD perspective trying to answer your question. What I see my SO doing or even me for that matter is exactly the same as hyperfixation as it was described so maybe that is it? It also said that neurotypical people also can do this including people with OCD and other disorders. For me, I was mostly referring chasing...>>> on Forum topic - When Hyperfocus Hijacks a Relationship
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by: Andrea George -
Thank you J, for your reply. I wrote a comment to my post earlier but I haven't seen it yet. I was wondering maybe the term that might fit is hyperfixation? He gets so involved that he doesn't shower or eat meals and it sometimes interferes with his sleep. Lately when we are together he doesn't talk about much else. It helps to know others live similarly>>> on Forum topic - When Hyperfocus Hijacks a Relationship
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by: J -
It's asymmetrical. I get that.>>> on Forum topic - Humiliation
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by: J -
..and double yes. I'm experiencing it, and I have done, and do this myself to answer your question. And absolutely, before I was diagnosed and went on meds....this was the most obvious, easy to see symptom I displayed. No one who knew me, could not see this behavior everywhere I went. I use to joke: I collect hobbies. I have a long list of hobbies or "outside interests" that span decades. While some might really get involved in a single activity: sport, hobby, activity. From the looks of it from the...>>> on Forum topic - When Hyperfocus Hijacks a Relationship
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by: Andrea George -
My first post here and adding to my post that maybe I'm using an incorrect term saying hyperfocus. Maybe it's hyperfixation. I'm reading that this is NOT considered an ADHD diagnosing trait. My ADHD partner has always expressed he "needs" something to occupy himself with. Reflecting back all 14 years I could probably list between 8-12 things total. I don't know why he feels he needs this. I will say most but not all of these things have been positive. Some of the things are: Stock market trading,...>>> on Forum topic - When Hyperfocus Hijacks a Relationship
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by: Swedish coast -
I find your approach reasonable as long as your divorced couple haven't had an abusive marriage.>>> on Forum topic - Humiliation
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by: J -
Swedish, I've seen many variations of loyalty and choosing sides after a divorce. Sometimes, I've seen the original friends of a spouse, jump ship and remain friends with the other partner and abandon their original friend in the aftermath...anything is possible I guess? There is a situation I'm in ( from years ago ) with one of my very best friends, where I became close to his ex-wife over the years. Their divorce became ugly and between lawyers and everyone involved, there were many battle lines drawn...>>> on Forum topic - Humiliation
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by: Swedish coast -
Am going to the event. It's a child's big day. After excruciating conversations with other adult family members it's now decided we'll all go. It will hopefully take the edge off it, and put focus firmly on the child. None of the family of origin have seen my ex in more than a year. I've been afraid some of them will be overly friendly with him in front of me. They state they don't side with me. They say they don't accept my story as truth - couldn't he describe everything quite differently? - and they...>>> on Forum topic - Humiliation
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by: Rivermind -
Hello, thanks for checking. The comments you were visiting were all on the same unpublished post, which is why you got the access denied message. Please contact us if you have any further questions. Thanks!>>> on Forum topic - General question
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by: forestersam -
I am the non-ADHD in my marriage, however I can provide information on what helped my ADHD husband make the changes needed to save our marriage. He also read Melissa Orlov's book, but the book he most related to was Dr Ned Hallowell's book "Driven to Distration". Hopefully, you can get your husband to read it as well. I also highly recommend Orlov's online course for couples. It focuses on trying differently, not trying harder. The exercises from that course helped him to identify symptoms that were...>>> on Forum topic - Looking for Community in my ADHD Journey and Struggles
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by: J -
Its one of my favorites as well ! "So....you're going to make a lot of money...but it's not yours?" "er...it becomes ours" LOL>>> on Forum topic - Homeostasis ( biorythems )
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