You Don’t Have to Succeed

ADHD & Marriage News - August 13, 2024

Quote of the Week

“Try to focus on what you are able to control, rather than the way other people may respond to you. Personal effort, more than favorable responses from others, is the foundation of long-term well-being (Diener 2009). Moreover, focus on doing the best you can increases the likelihood of a favorable response from others, while preoccupation with getting a certain response from others will probably make them feel manipulated.”

- Steven Stosny

"You Don't Have to Succeed...."

When my children were young, we had two sayings we used to tell them our expectations. One was “You don’t have to succeed, but you do have to try.” We wanted our kids to learn to engage with the world around them and try, much more than we wanted them to chase goals. Sure, we applauded successes…but we emphasized effort.

It turns out that research suggests this is a great strategy for building a foundation of well-being.

It’s a relevant concept in ADHD-impacted relationships, too. You can only give the best effort you can give and (I hope) that will be enough.

What might best look like?

Managing ADHD symptoms using all three legs of treatment (and sticking with it)
NOT trying to get a specific response from your partner (a certain way of saying things, for example)
Acknowledging and celebrating effort
Learning how to give and accept bids for repair when things fall short
Staying calm so the two of you can engage constructively

Stosny is giving a big shout out here to bringing the best you to your life that you can by engaging fully, and making your best effort.

P.S. The other saying we used with our kids was ‘Tantrums don’t work. Come find me when you are ready to talk.’ Combined, both sayings set a basic framework for constructive interactions and doing one’s best.

REGISTRATION OPEN!

➤ ADHD Effect In-Depth LIVE Couples' Seminar - provides hope, information and the tools you need to move towards a HAPPIER, HEALTHIER & THRIVING RELATIONSHIP. It begins September 18, 2024.

➤ The Foundations in Habit Development (FHD) Group Coaching is a special series for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar with Melissa. It is designed to help solidify the changes you have started to make and want to firm up. This group starts September 11, 2024, consists of eight 75 minute sessions and is limited to only 10 individuals.

➤ Non-ADHD Partner Support Groups - Limited to 10 participants. Two topics per day. Recorded for confidential use. Join a community of people exploring similar issues. Note: two of the eleven groups is now full.

Resources For Those in Relationships Impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My premier, highly acclaimed 9-session zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next LIVE seminar starts September 18, 2024. The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials/recordings from the recent '24 live seminar

Non ADHD Partner Support Group (Registration open) and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group (Registration open) - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting group - Consider this group if you're interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert. This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We will open our inquiry portal on August 21, 2024 to start pairing individuals and couples with professionals for work that starts in September, 2024.

FREE RESOURCES:

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD;

Downloadable chapters of my books;

A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

A large number of blog posts on various topics;

Referrals

Social Media: - follow us for tips and resources