Hate and Love

When your partner is angry at you it’s tempting (and perhaps human nature) to want to be angry back.  But, as King noted, darkness cannot drive out darkness.  You’ve likely noticed that not much actually changes when the two of you are yelling at each other.

This fits with marital research done by John Gottman and associates, which demonstrates that more important than how you argue is actually how you repair as a couple.  The steps of repair are that one person makes a ‘bid for repair,’ which might be an apology, holding of a hand, a smile, an affirmation or some other ‘bridge maker.’  Importantly, the next step is ‘accepting that bid for repair.’  One partner might apologize, but if the other partner doesn’t accept the apology (or smile, or touch, etc) then the repair is not complete or effective.

You may not have thought about the importance of repair in your relationship but I urge you to do so now.  What works for the two of you?  What smooths things so that you can reconnect, or at least more calmly discuss your differences?

News and Event

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Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Resources

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session FALL 2022. 

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

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