Character

“Regardless of what a person says, character is ultimately laid bare in his or her actions.” Ret. General Stanley McChrystal

If you have ADHD, do you tell your partner you’re sorry about something that went sideways yet again and get a lukewarm response?  Or perhaps an ‘I’m so tired of hearing your sorry – I want you to not do that again!’

Having ADHD can interfere with doing all that you would like to do.  Symptoms such as distraction, impulsivity, trouble planning, time management issues and more can get in the way.  And yet, in your relationship, your actions matter.  ADHD symptoms cannot be an excuse to let things remain sub-par.

What to do?  First of all, you can lean into your character.  You have strengths and (I hope) morals that are part of why you and your partner are together.  I hope that part of that is a desire to do as well as you can.  That could mean doing more of what you do really well (for example, enjoying your kids and creating joy).  You can take the steps known to optimize your management of your ADHD – thus demonstrating to your partner and family that you take seriously your need to do your best.  I hear over and over again from non-ADHD partners that they care less about absolute results than they do that a partner is genuinely engaged with managing their ADHD to the best of their ability.  

You might decide that you do not wish to be a person who accelerates into anger easily and therefore hurts others in his family.  The actions that would matter there?  Working with a doctor or counselor to get at the root causes of your anger (perhaps medications for physiological anger or therapy for anger that has roots in trauma…)

Your actions don’t have to include perfection…but within the context of your relationship, engagement with managing ADHD is a demonstration of character that really counts.

As we bid farewell to 2024, make sure to give yourself a pat on the back for any progress either of you has made.  What might be some positive next steps you would like to set as goals? 

I would love to hear your thoughts and personal goals.

Warmly,

Melissa

REGISTRATION NOW OPEN, Details below:

The ADHD Effect Couples Seminar

Non-ADHD Partner Support Groups

Couples Support Group

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (registration open, starts January 22, 2025). Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultant Ashley Paradise help partners improve their lives together in this premier seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. This 9-session ZOOM seminar is on Wednesdays, Jan. 22 - March 19, 2025, from 7:30-9:15pm Eastern Time.  The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group (registration open, 5 of the 11 sessions are full) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise.  NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting group - (registration open, ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert?  This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the seminar.

Couples support group - (registration open, starts January 21, 2025). Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

NEW: Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (LAUNCHING Feb 17, 2025) Learn to create lasting change as you turn your intentions and knowledge into concrete action.  You’ll get specific ADHD management tools, real-time expert support for your relationship, and a connected, like-minded online community to help you out. Register for our free, live (by Zoom) information session. January 14, 2025, 7:30 PM - 8:30 PM (America/New York)

FREE RESOURCES:

Live (by Zoom) Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program information session. January 14, 2025, 7:30 PM - 8:30 PM (America/New York)

Weekly email Marriage Tips newsletters;

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD; 

Downloadable chapters of my books;

A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

A large number of blog posts on various topics;

Referrals

Social Media: - follow us for tips and resources

ADULT ADHD CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Question? Contact Melissa.