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Sorry this is such a long post. I’m the mother of 3 teenagers and a 47 year old man. My husband always said he had adhd and I could see it reflected in lack of follow through with projects, etc. But never considered how it shaped his personality. I always figured he picked up the worse combo of his parents' personality traits. But I am realizing that his dad was probably adhd too.

I am currently questioning whether I can handle forever, after 18 years of marriage. Things that are driving me crazy about him:

Unable to “read a room”

I have been with my partner for 4 years and after a few months I knew something wasn't right. I suggested he may have ADHD, he got checked out and was given a formal diagnosis at the age of 48.

Firstly, hi there everyone! I'm happy to have found this forum and hope that it'll be a great source of support for both myself and my partner. I'll start off by saying I love him so incredibly much and have stuck by him through thick and thin. He's wonderful, intelligent, joyful, enthusiastic, and loving when we're good. I want to continue doing this, but recently, our relationship has spiralled into something awful. He genuinely sees me as the enemy, and treats me pretty badly as a result. He was undiagnosed for our entire relationship up until this month.

Hello 

My husband and I have a 40+ year relationship, but it has come to a head with his inability to handle money in a responsible fashion. His business has had issues such that our personal funds are being utilized to cover the debt, and this has put us in a very precarious financial situation. According to him, vast amounts of money will be flowing into his business account any day now, so I am just overly emotional and not giving him a chance. He also insists that it is not as if he was spending the money on a fancy car or a mistress -- it is for his business that must survive!

Authors note:

I've  with my bf over 2 years and he has A.D.D, not ADHD because they are different he tells me. I am the sole cause of all of his problems. I walk around on egg shells all the time because if i say anything with attitude or pulling my face, thats it im broken and defective because i dont understand his issues, my brother has ADHD so I've experienced it before. I have a bad attutude, i dont listen, i belittle him, i ignore him, I've forced him to think of suicide.

I am 30 with a one year old, my husband has adhd recently on meds and diagnosed. I am struggling, I am now back to work, I have a young baby and I don't see any progress. My husband thinks the pills are his way of changing and making an effort when there are so many other things that need to be addressed for our marriage to succeed. He makes impulsive decisions, I am always the responsible one picking up the pieces and I'm burning out especially when I want to focus on caring for my baby not my husband. He thinks I'm a raging bitch and always pointing how his flaws.

Hi,

It appears that most blogs etc including many books around ADHD rarely include the more complex situations where both partners suffer from ADHD or the non ADHD party another condition such as PTSD or Complex PTSD.

I've been trying to wrestle this beast that is my marriage, my relationship.  When I found out about adhd, I felt relief.  I had read all kinds of marriage books but none of them hit home.  And then I found books about adhd by multiple authors who all somehow knew the weird land I lived in, who could describe the things that left me holding all the responsibilities.

But there was still more, and I could feel it.  His way of being wasn't entirely adhd.