Recent forum posts (all topics)

Hi

This community has helped me in the past. Im unsure why im posting today but i just feel like i need to. Im currently separated from my husband. Its been 7/8months and im in limbo. All decisions about the marriage and the future are, in my opinion, being left to me. 

The reasons for my separation are lengthy. Over the marriage (which wasnt all bad, there were great times) my husband sexually explicitly messaged another woman for weeks/months, messaged an ex saying about me 'i do love her but i wish i had settled down sooner", he smoked pot for 15years, was fired for sexual harassment (sending a porn image to a female co-worker and lots of other stuff), used porn frequently, watched camera girls and partially completed a dating profile (not active). He also hasnt intiated intimacy for 1.5years. Throughout the years he has:

1. constantly interrupted me when i speak, 2. blameshifted on minor things (such as i have moved his things, its my fault he is late as i didnt wake him, he smoked pot as i prefer this to alcohol, he changed all passwords so i cant view anything for me etc)

3. Told me im wrong almost daily in really subtle ways, without saying the words you are wrong (no actually its this, constantly has an opposing view, seeking other peoples opinions when ive given a view and then going with them, or simply ignored my view)

4. Downplayed all behaviour as a joke, no intent to hurt me, nothing happened in the real world

We seperated after he was diagnosed. I repeatedly said "you havent registered with the doctor, you havent got an appointment, you havent started counselling, you havent gone on medicine". I dont feel i can do marriage counselling until he does the above - ive put loads of effort in and im not met halfway. Im in counselling individually and have been for a year. He said its overwhelming for him to do the above due to his ADHD. I have depression, anxiety due to his behaviour towards me and i still am trying. 

My point is i feel he isnt trying to fight to save the marriage. He disagrees and said he has made himself available to talk whenever i want. But in 7months thats all he has done. Also in those talking moments, on 5occassions he has shown minimal empathy and used those moments to prove why he is right....however he said he was clarifying his point. 

Have any of you experienced this during your separations? Just a total full stop, minimal effort, waiting for you to move things forward one way or another? How did you cope......when was it enough.

This wasnt the way i expected my life to go. Im in such deep grief at the loss of my family unit, and only seeing my kids 50%. Im so chronically lonely. Thank you

Hi all, I really feel like I need to let some things out and try to get some perspective on what's happening.

My issues have brought my relationship to a crossroads. I have struggled with some issues for years, some are a carry over from my childhood and others seemed to be from more environmental factors, stresses at that current time, work, money issues, just 'life stuff'.

Hi folks,

I'm the ADHD husband. I just got diagnosed and on meds in March of this year. I also am bi-polar 1 and have been on meds for the past 18 or so months.

My focus and energy are better and I'm seeing the needle move on some behavior stuff and others I still struggle with. 

First Post

Summer Holiday with ADHD spouse

Parent Child Dynamic 

Enabling Dynamic

Hello,

My husband of many years has been talking for decades about what he's going to do with his life.

Hey community, I really really need you all right now. I'm so angry typing this out because I'm about to explode. 

My husband is DX non-medicated (by choice, he refuses meds and therapy. I've been in solo therapy myself for several years). I've commented/posted here before, but feeling quite down with recent conflicts. Separation is not an option because I do love him and I refuse to lose my kid 50% of the time. Posting here to seek fellowship and maybe some ways to consider and approach our conflicts. I also want to emphasize that he is not an abuser per-say, but his behavior is abusive, if that makes sense.

Hi folks,

I'm the ADHD spouse and after reading the comments in this forum I can see myself in many of them. I'm also bi-polar. For most of our marriage I did not know why I was acting the way I was and a diagnosis and meds were not the magic bullets I thought they would be. I'm as frustrated and angry at my ADHD as my wife is and am deeply ashamed and guilty over my actions. 
 

I've asked her what would mean the most to her as far as change goes and she has told me to do the work and figure it out. I want to do better at meeting her needs and am hesitant to try or start because of her anger. She's told me I'm a low level thinker. So to that end I'd like to ask folks smarter than me and who have walked this road: 

Without being weird or awkward or over sharing - how did your ADHD spouse show they were serious about change? I'm in therapy with a psychologist who understands ADHD. I'm also working with a faith based counselor. I'm taking my meds. 
 

To be transparent - I've withdrawn because of the hurt I felt over the comment regarding my intelligence. I've focused more on the garden, a sore point for years, than her. I feel very awkward and weird around her. I'm working on not being defensive but im not speaking much at all. 
 

Any tips are appreciated! Also, if you have any constructive criticism that will help me sharpen my behavior and support my wife that's also appreciated. 
 

thank you

QM

Since a recent ADHD diagnosis my husband's whole perspective on life abs what he wants has changed and I'm currently in limbo waiting to find out if he wants a divorce or not.