Recent forum posts (all topics)

Many of us get caught up in overthinking and over analyzing our spouse's lives...The product of this is destructive (stress, anxiety, depression) to our own mental, emotional and physical health...After reading here for many years and being subjected to my wife's lived out life 16 years, I have realized the pressure and reality of not being able to get to a place that is healthy, a place of sharing and trust has left it's mark on me....Over thinking, Over analyzing, it can start new everyday if we are not careful...I feel like all the work (acceptance, boundaries, refusing egg shells, my ow

So, my marriage has been suffering a very slow and painful death for many years. We've been together 13 years and only the first year was good because he was love bombing the hell out of me. We have been falling apart totally for about 5 or 6 years now. My husband has - in my unprofessional diagnosis - PTSD (from a traumatized family background), ADHD (disorganized, mess, lack of attention), RSD (severe, raging, irrational), and probably also a good dose of NPD (constantly talking about himself, needing ego strokes to feel okay).

Just went grocery shopping where I used to go before divorce. Realized as I moved the shopping cart forward how things have changed.

I don't care anymore if people crowd me in the aisle. I don't mind if a stranger approaches with a question, even if they're a bit intrusive and not polite. I used to be so high-strung with stress, I couldn't stand other people who were even slightly disrespectful or dominated the physical space. Not that I'd say anything, I'd just feel hurt. I'd swear at other drivers in my car. I'd shake off charities in the street with a frown. 

I'm a James Clear Atomic Habits fan (to a degree, let's face it, some of these people who preach habits and stuff seem to come across as having never encountered or lived with an ADHD-er or any other neurodiversity in my HUMBLE opinion :) :) ) and i got his newsletter quote today and wanted to share for all of you as I found it really profound. It doesn't make me want to make massive changes or go and give my partner 10x new podcasts to listen to or whatever, but it did make me pause, think and consider and gave me some hope. I hope it does the same for you all. 

My husband and I have been married for well over twenty years.  From the very beginning of the marriage, the only thing he has ever done in any real way is earn a paycheck.  If I asked him to do anything, it was because I actually could not do it.  We have multiple children with adhd, too, and he did not help with any of their care.  I remember with our final baby, I was desperately needing some help, and when I asked point blank for him to commit to helping with the baby in the evenings, he became very angry and refused.

What do I do when progress seems impossible and I can't think of any other avenues to try but I'm pregnant and stuck 

I can't believe we don't hear more about RSD in the general culture. How many people are suffering with this? In my experience with my ADHD partner, the RSD is really out of control. It feels like insanity. We are in a long slow horrendous process of breaking up, but our lives are deeply entwined and we are living in two houses on the same property. I have hoped without any rationality to be able to stay here because this is my home and I have nothing else. But there is no way to do this. It does not matter one iota what we agree to do in terms of managing our relations. The agreements are gone as soon as the ADHD and RSD is triggered. Today he lost it on me when I was trying to help him with a health problem he has. I believe he took it as criticism or trying to control him or both. But I was really trying to be helpful and urge him to do something before the problem gets worse, which he himself has been talking about lately. Anyway it triggered his RSD and I was clueless as to what was going on when he started being cold to me and avoiding me the rest of the day when there were some property related issues to discuss. When I asked him later what was wrong he would not speak to me, just closed off completely, and finally raged at me when I insisted he tell me what I had done because I was in the dark. All of this is totally counter to what we had agreed to do, how we had agreed to be with each other in these situations. Because when he is triggered there is 100% no control from his end, he just falls into this pit of RSD and can't do anything about it. He has never done therapy for this and currently is not in therapy at all because his therapist moved away and he hasn't bothered to get another one. He is untreated and has no help and won't get any. And I can't stay here. I actually have to fucking move. Being anywhere near each other is just one endless mine field and I can see that he is only getting worse. 

Hi, new here. I'm diagnosed ADHD, but due to some immersion experiences that occurred naturally in my adult life, I manage it all right and am not being medicated for it. I have the hallmarks of ADHD but never really found a medication that made a noticeable difference for me. I'm thinking of pursuing treatment since I'm falling behind in my professional life (after a very undistinguished academic career...) and having difficulty focusing on professional development and job hunting. But at the moment, I hope there are people who understand what I am going through.

A topic for discussion came up recently with other Nons and that is the level of grief work that you/us should do - actually BOTH parties probably need to do - but how do I actually DO it? Like, how do I sit in it? Do I allow myself to cry? Do I try to cry in the evenings when I have time? (Although now that I've typed out that sentence it makes me smile/laugh because I can't really 'DO' grief, it just has to happen) 

I recently read something on social media that really resonated with me. Knowing what I know about having ADHD, I'm aware that I can be challenging at times to live with. ADHD symptoms, unmitigated,  can definitely negatively impact people around me and it's really easy to blame yourself for everything you know you do that causes others to pull away. For me, intuitively, Ive known this going back to my childhood on some level buy could never put finger on exactly why?