When one, or both, of your parents have Narcissist tendencies, a child has little choice but to endure the abuse. You are a victim, in the truest sense of the word.
As an adult, you can always leave your situation. You do not have to stay and tolerate abuse, it is your choice....you are not a victim, in the truest sense of the word.
My SO, and I, have both been subjected to Narcissist parents. We both have developed strategies and behaviors that have reflected our means, to survive our individual experiences as a response. I have my own "way" of doing things, and she has hers.
Here's something I've thought about recently, that I've only shared to a very few people. This is on my short list of "really bad" acting out as a kid growing up. This is definitely something, if I'd been caught, would have probably changed the course of my life in a number of ways.
It serves me now, as an example, of how I responded ( then ) to having my boundaries being trampled on, with no recourse, or no means to stop it from happening. And it happened ongoing of course.
My go to response was to break things. It was a form of protest you might say. I never lashed out and attacked "people"...but I did take it out on inanimate objects. That's always been my go to response. Protest.
When I was getting close to about 11 or 12.....definitely Jr High School age. I started vandalizing "things". I became a vandal you might say. I woukd destroy public and private property just for fun. Not all the time, but on occasion, to release my anger, from being abused. There were times it was pretty bad however. Bad enough ( the damage ) it was probably pretty expensive for my victims to pay for. I did get caught once, accidentally broke a window, and spent a summer paying for it out of my own pocket. ( being a golf caddy for $5 a round ).
That really didn't make me stop, but I thought twice about getting caught. I just made sure I didn't get caught again.
The point being, this was in response to being abused. It was passive aggressive, and directed at the wrong place. What I really was doing was protesting being abused, but I couldn't aim that anger, back at the source because I had no means to develope boundaries there.
This morning, my SO started criticizing me over something really dumb. ( minutia ). This had to do with one of her many boundaries that dealt with her sensory issues and water stains from setting cups down that might be wet on the bottom. It's such a completely ridiculous thing to start a fight about, and I already know what will happen if I try to "talk" about it with her need to criticize and complain about something, that seemingly, only bothers her.
The issue is....her need to criticize and complain. I'm assuming, it was her only way to be heard, in a household with 6 sisters and brother. Being the youngest, the squeaky wheel got the oil. Vocally being so obnoxious ( possibly ) was a way to get her mom's attention. I'm guessing, this developed into a pattern...to get her needs met....especially with a Narcissist mom, who paid no attention to her.
And my go to pattern is to protest....by breaking things.
This morning, being in that same position, I protested in a different way. I simply left the room, in a calm collected manner. I didn't get angry or break anything. I just walked away. To be sure, it wasn't the silent treatment. When my SO came in the room, she asked if I was upset. I told her calmly : "I don't like it when you criticize me...so I left"
She actually apologized, I then continued to talk to her, as if nothing happened. There was no punishment involved. I made my silent protest, then continued on with the morning.
We both felt heard I think. I had already addressed the cup issue before the complaining and criticizing began so there was nothing else to say. We reconnected without a hitch....and this served to say exactly what I needed to say....without saying anything.....until I was asked.
My method was the same...I just did it differently. That's the point.
