Hi. I really need some help understanding something or dealing with it, at least. My husband regularly tells me, when we're having serious conversations about our marriage, that his anxiety is a hindrance to him with dealing with things. Let me emphasize "regularly." I acknowledge this, I stay engaged, I don't react defensively.
Tonight, I said to him something that I've said before, but rarely bring up, that I too have to battle through anxiety to get certain things done. He totally shut down. I could see it in the ghastly color his face turned and his expression and the fact that he stopped talking. I sent him a message a few minutes ago and said it makes me sad when I talk about my anxiety and he shuts down. He responded that it makes him sad when we have "one-sided conversations" because he has needs, too. Does every conversation involving anxiety have to give equal time to his anxiety, even though I don't insist on inserting mine every time he mentions his? What is going on?
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What is going on is ADD!
I think what happened is that when you said how you were feeling it was just too much for him to handle. I remember once I said very calmly to my husband that I was "feeling down because of the way things are with us" and immediately he said to me, "I feel like I am being attacked". I feel like they just don't know what to say or how to deal with others feelings so they shut down. I don't think it only involves you talking about your "anxiety". He most likely doesn't like you talking about any emotional reactions you have. I guess on a bright note, your husband is at least acknowledging that he suffers from anxiety during serious/emotional conversations. That could be a starting point to get him into counseling. My husband reacted by having an affair and leaving our son and me.